Chapters 1-10 of the Sacred Chao Te Ching

Chapter 1

The Universe that can be described is not the real Universe;
the name that can be given is not an accurate name.
Nameless, it is the source of order and disorder;
Named... Well, we pretty much covered that, yeah?

Whoever is disordered, sees that patterns do not exist
Whoever is ordered, sees every pattern.
These two are the same,
but what is produced has names.
They both may be called Illusion. 
From the comic to the tragic,
this is the door to the essence of all life.

Chapter 2

When the people of the world all know Order as Order,
there arises the recognition of Disorder.
When they all know there is such a thing as Illusion,
there arises the idea of Reality.

Therefore Order and Disorder produce each other,
Reality and Illusion trick each other,
Authority and Freedom define each other, 
Love and Hate fuck each other.

So the wise spags look for the balance,
And stick their wrench into the Machine™.

They organize, but they do not Order.
They break apart, but they do not Disorder.
They act, but they Keep Their Fucking Mouths Shut.
And so are able to act again.

Chapter 3

If you put value
In subjective Bullshit,
Lesser spags will treat it
Like objective Truth.

Therefore the wise spags lead
By knowing their Prison
and staying pragmatic.
Like hitting someone with a Barstool
to prove that it actually exists,
call people on their bullshit,
so there will be no narcissism to exploit.
By understanding your Cell, you will understand others'.

Chapter 4

This is Chaos: it is Everything, including itself. 
All of Starbuck's Pebbles come from it. 
It confuses order, it arranges disorder. 
It multiplies its opposite, it positively negates. 
Lying below life, lining the world. 
The origin of all patterns. 
It has existed before we observed it.

Chapter 5

Life is unfair, wear a helmet. 
The wise spag wears a helmet, but also drops hammers. 

Anything could be a punchline.
The wise spag gets punched now and then.

Chaos never ends!  
Even its vacuum has a presence. 
To struggle against it,  
Is like pissing in the wind.

Chapter 6

Eris is not the kind of Goddess you pray to by the way.
Solve your problems yourself.

Don’t call Eris a mother: 
she has eyes on the back of her head,
better not catch her in a snit.

She’s always there,
very often indifferent.
(She's just not that into you)

Quoth the prophet Tupac Shakur
"Won't be no bullshit, no ass-kissin
This bitch'll have ya wakin up with all your cash missin"

Chapter 7

The Universe outside your Prison Cell 
has gone on before you, and goes on after you. 
It is as unfeeling and uncaring about itself as a Barstool in midflight. 
Even if you have convinced yourself it consists mainly of empty space,
you should probably still duck. 

So the wise Spags look outside their own brains, 
And grasp the surrounding minds. 
They see the Bars of their Black Iron Prison, 
And so are able to see around them. 
Because isn't the other way 
Tatamount to masturbation?

Chapter 8

Original:

The best are like the Chao.
It balances the Order and the Disorder;
The escalation of Disorder,
And the impositon of Order,
Each adds to the other.

As they live,
And as they travel,
They see the world as others would see Illusion.
Be the Illusion Eristic,
Or be it Aneristic,
They strive to complete the balance.
It's not their fault that the Aneristic works overtime.

Chapter 9

Write the longest, most wise essay
and no one will have time to read it.
Temper the truth to its very sharpest,
and you will cut both friend and foe.

Mo money, mo problems.
Mo everything, mo problems.
Tis better to be able to disappear 
in a puff of smoke

Chapter 10

Can you laugh so hard
that it sounds like screaming?
Can you snicker like a venerable fogey
while giggling like a newborn baby?
Can you look with eyes that will actually see?
Can you lead a cabal without dominating them?
Can you understand, without using your mind?

To create and destroy
with no sense of self
to act without obligation
to lead without tyranny
that is an awesome super power.