Friends, do you ever feel like the world has gone NUTS?¬† That things are spiraling out of control?¬† That the storm has arrived, and everyone around you is arguing about STUPID SHIT that doesn't matter, while everything burns down?¬†
But then you tell yourself that things can't possibly be that bad, that it must be YOU and your BAD ATTITUDE.¬† Maybe you're depressed or something, and everything just LOOKS BAD...
I have some bad news for you.
THINGS REALLY ARE THAT BAD!¬† You've just gotten USED to it.¬† Odds are, you have just learned to compartmentalize it, so you don't have to spend all day thinking about your brain-wrenching degree of debt, or the fact that you - especially those of you under the age of 25 - will spend the rest of your miserable lives paying off a national debt that is now at a magnitude of 13 digits.
Funniest part is, a lifetime of debt is the BEST you can hope for.¬† The alternatives are much, much worse.¬† 5 seconds from now, you could be groaning in pain, trapped in the white-hot wreckage of whatever you were standing in whenever IT happens...whatever IT is. Or maybe you'll just die of thirst 5 years from now in the Great Kansas Desert.
Yes, the fact is that either way, the post-holocaust nihilism of The Road Warrior may turn out to be idiotically optimistic.¬† You younger types will most likely spend your lives in a cube, PRAYING that a horde of berserk bikers would come along and kill you, because then at least your torment would be over.
None of this is an accident, by the way.¬† This was all done to you ON PURPOSE.
It's the Conspiracy‚Ń˘, brothers and sisters, the conspiracy of normality.¬† They're out to take your Slack...your God-given right to FUCK OFF.¬† Oh, they'll dribble just enough Slack, or more likely false slack your way to keep you alive so that you can work some more...but outright FUN?¬† Hell, no.¬† You'll learn to work 80 hours a week, for the privelege of doing it again next week.
But the situation isn't TOTALLY hopeless...because there's "Bob".¬† JR "Bob" Dobbs, the living Slackmaster, who has come to RATIONALIZE YOUR SINS.¬† "Bob" is the smiling face of tomorrow.¬† He is the face of progress (even if his pipe smells like rancid shit).¬† He is the cosmic reacharound that the universe OWES you.¬† HE IS THE "CATCHER" IN YOUR DUTCH PR0N!
Or Kill me.