Friends, do you ever feel like the world has gone NUTS?¬ That things are spiraling out of control?¬ That the storm has arrived, and everyone around you is arguing about STUPID SHIT that doesn't matter, while everything burns down?¬
But then you tell yourself that things can't possibly be that bad, that it must be YOU and your BAD ATTITUDE.¬ Maybe you're depressed or something, and everything just LOOKS BAD...
I have some bad news for you.
THINGS REALLY ARE THAT BAD!¬ You've just gotten USED to it.¬ Odds are, you have just learned to compartmentalize it, so you don't have to spend all day thinking about your brain-wrenching degree of debt, or the fact that you - especially those of you under the age of 25 - will spend the rest of your miserable lives paying off a national debt that is now at a magnitude of 13 digits.
Funniest part is, a lifetime of debt is the BEST you can hope for.¬ The alternatives are much, much worse.¬ 5 seconds from now, you could be groaning in pain, trapped in the white-hot wreckage of whatever you were standing in whenever IT happens...whatever IT is. Or maybe you'll just die of thirst 5 years from now in the Great Kansas Desert.
Yes, the fact is that either way, the post-holocaust nihilism of The Road Warrior may turn out to be idiotically optimistic.¬ You younger types will most likely spend your lives in a cube, PRAYING that a horde of berserk bikers would come along and kill you, because then at least your torment would be over.
None of this is an accident, by the way.¬ This was all done to you ON PURPOSE.
It's the ConspiracyΡ’, brothers and sisters, the conspiracy of normality.¬ They're out to take your Slack...your God-given right to FUCK OFF.¬ Oh, they'll dribble just enough Slack, or more likely false slack your way to keep you alive so that you can work some more...but outright FUN?¬ Hell, no.¬ You'll learn to work 80 hours a week, for the privelege of doing it again next week.
But the situation isn't TOTALLY hopeless...because there's "Bob".¬ JR "Bob" Dobbs, the living Slackmaster, who has come to RATIONALIZE YOUR SINS.¬ "Bob" is the smiling face of tomorrow.¬ He is the face of progress (even if his pipe smells like rancid shit).¬ He is the cosmic reacharound that the universe OWES you.¬ HE IS THE "CATCHER" IN YOUR DUTCH PR0N!
Or Kill me.