Author Topic: Script Feedback  (Read 79 times)

Demolition Squid

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Script Feedback
« on: December 15, 2014, 10:08:48 am »
So, the main project I've completed this year was a spec script and series pitch for a drama called the Entropy Resident in the System (which I think is a phrase that was coined here ages back). Its got a lot of discordian themes and I was (am?) pretty proud of it.

Unfortunately, the BBC rejected it without feedback (not entirely unexpected - they get a lot of scripts). It is currently entered into the Channel 4 competition - but as we're fast approaching the deadline for feedback there (20th) and I still haven't heard anything from them, I'm not too hopeful.

I'm probably going to enrol in a scriptwriting course next year, because most of the feedback I've been able to get hasn't been terribly helpful (mostly its just been 'yeah this is good' - but whilst I appreciate that, it doesn't help me improve as a writer). I was wondering if anyone here might like to have a look with a view towards areas of improvement?

If you are interested, shoot me a PM with an email address and I'll send it over.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Script Feedback
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2014, 03:18:05 pm »
I'd love to help, and I will later if you still need it, but I lack the time to do it properly at this time.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Demolition Squid

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Re: Script Feedback
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2014, 03:21:20 pm »
There's really no rush! Just drop me a PM when you've time.

Feedback is one of those things I think I'm always gonna need.
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hirley0

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Re: Script Feedback
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2015, 11:56:43 am »
So, the main project I've completed this year was a spec script and series pitch for a drama called the Entropy Resident in the System

Look? i have no GoOd idea about SpeC .
the "   Entropy   " part reminds me of the 80's
Mt St. Hellens at all = Iran/contra ERA
=
 I call it I.con/Eron {never mind
one day over in the main lab
{getting a thermometer to check well water temp}
yeah it was 55° just as the head chemist told me it would be

i had a short chat with the head engineer?
he wanted to know what i was up to
Prior to the eruption (wrong Mt == HoOD
anyway in those days i learned the art of
turning off the 'tricity to OR {never mind
Or then was 2 ? Portland at 100
and the Al.co at 75 {got it
= he was talking power factor to me
A concept a bit over my head
& explained the result was
hanging about the plant  in
(Um} the Ęthor was the diff
A BIG BUNCH of E ?/?
maybe 10 Mega
-
after i left they shut the plant down
No Comprenda'
i use matlab script y=1:3 x=y/2 plot(x,y) /


more ALL [POWER IN] - (power out) = {Power Hanging About}
« Last Edit: January 25, 2015, 12:11:46 pm by hirley0 »

hirley0

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Re: Script Feedback
« Reply #4 on: Today at 01:13:03 pm »
F=MA F=fooE M=me {Naurally & A=Λ { Greek letter Lamda