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ITT: Best Posts of the Day

Started by Cramulus, April 13, 2007, 11:33:09 PM

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Subtract Eight!

[0:50] sydneyelisetaylor: blockhead's in his batcave, lives with a pile of chairs -noonward
[0:50] spoonful: wdjkals: posting from a bunker
[0:50] keshafan4lyfe: lol
[0:50] sydneyelisetaylor: going day by day by selling chairs -noonward
[0:51] spoonful: and sitting in them
[0:51] sydneyelisetaylor: like his father before him he was a chair salesman
[0:51] spoonful: another day another chair
[0:51] sydneyelisetaylor: he once went up to abraham lincoln and said ill sit in that chair
[0:51] sydneyelisetaylor: and abraham lincoln smiled and shed a single tear
[0:51] sydneyelisetaylor: and so america was founded on that fateful day
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓   I\'ve subracted eight from tons of things.<br /><br />CANNA NUCCA GET A NAME CHANGE HURRR

Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: E.O.T. on March 27, 2011, 05:01:33 PM
Quote from: Nigel on March 27, 2011, 04:49:01 PM
It times past, people used to write letters to each other and send them by mail. That was pretty time-delayed...

TRUE

         However, letters are not only romantic, even in a platonic environment, but letter writing allows for much more determination, as well as thoughtfulness in a response. Currently, we may say that the paper, the stamp, the U.S.P.S. handling, is all an environmental waste, in regards to sending a letter, but "back in the day", wasn't that exactly the point? One scribed the words, physically, themselves, onto a piece of the real world (paper) and everything about the process was an extension of the human element.

NOW A DAYS,

         when I receive a text from you, I'm not always convinced that you even meant it for me, or that YOUR PHONE perhaps, sent it for no reason other than someone grabbed your ass and therefore whatever last log you entered flew out to the world like a digital fart

Placid Dingo

Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Jenne

Quote from: Payne on April 17, 2011, 06:10:21 AM
Quote from: Nigel on April 16, 2011, 09:52:01 PM
Who the hell is giggles, anyway?

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.

Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat.

Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue.

Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks horizontally.

Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells.

Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic.

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds.

Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.

Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs.

Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees.

Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him.

Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight.

Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground.

Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days.

Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks.

Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark.

Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with Mol.

Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Donald Trump.

Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.

Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet.

Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest.

Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.

Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs.

Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as marmite, and that he was once arrested for goosing Russell Brand.

Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve.

Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our admins rigged his profile, he now has a new name.

Some say that he's banned from the town of Roswell, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.

Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo.

Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut.

Some say that he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist.

Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that he thought Star Wars was a documentary.

Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face.

Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes.

Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine.

Some say his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material.

Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady, and that he invented November.

.....All we know is, he's called GIGGLES.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Jenne on April 18, 2011, 02:16:20 PM
Quote from: Payne on April 17, 2011, 06:10:21 AM
Quote from: Nigel on April 16, 2011, 09:52:01 PM
Who the hell is giggles, anyway?

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.

Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat.

Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue.

Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks horizontally.

Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells.

Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic.

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds.

Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.

Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs.

Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees.

Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him.

Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight.

Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground.

Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days.

Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks.

Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark.

Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with Mol.

Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Donald Trump.

Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.

Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet.

Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest.

Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.

Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs.

Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as marmite, and that he was once arrested for goosing Russell Brand.

Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve.

Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our admins rigged his profile, he now has a new name.

Some say that he's banned from the town of Roswell, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.

Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo.

Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut.

Some say that he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist.

Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that he thought Star Wars was a documentary.

Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face.

Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes.

Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine.

Some say his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material.

Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady, and that he invented November.

.....All we know is, he's called GIGGLES.

This actually may be my favorite post of all time.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Jenne

Quote from: Enrico Salazar on April 26, 2011, 04:47:36 PM
Best song for making sexytime take up ENTIRE ALBUM.

Is Metal Machine Music by Lou Reed, and whenever Enrico hear it he must make wild carnal love to something is near.  Tim Gunn still will not forgive Enrico for what he do to his leather sofa.  Is not Enrico fault, though, he tell him about Metal Machine Music before, and yet still play it.  Is why?

And.  Also.

Why peoples need to go for month and month as celibate when Enrico is always available?  He has even been take penisillin.  Is nice.


Eh Suu?  Eh?  Eh Freeky?  Eh?

And Nigel.  Hello Nigel.

And Remington. Helloooo Remington. 

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Anna Mae Bollocks

Quote from: Nigel on April 19, 2011, 01:47:25 AM
Quote from: Jenne on April 18, 2011, 02:16:20 PM
Quote from: Payne on April 17, 2011, 06:10:21 AM
Quote from: Nigel on April 16, 2011, 09:52:01 PM
Who the hell is giggles, anyway?

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.

Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat.

Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue.

Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks horizontally.

Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells.

Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic.

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds.

Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.

Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs.

Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees.

Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him.

Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight.

Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground.

Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days.

Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks.

Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark.

Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with Mol.

Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Donald Trump.

Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.

Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet.

Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest.

Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.

Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs.

Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as marmite, and that he was once arrested for goosing Russell Brand.

Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve.

Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our admins rigged his profile, he now has a new name.

Some say that he's banned from the town of Roswell, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.

Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo.

Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut.

Some say that he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist.

Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that he thought Star Wars was a documentary.

Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face.

Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes.

Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine.

Some say his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material.

Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady, and that he invented November.

.....All we know is, he's called GIGGLES.

This actually may be my favorite post of all time.
GIGGLES HAS ANAL WARTS THE SIZE OF TENNIS BALLS, PLEASE HELP HIM
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: Hoopla on April 28, 2011, 05:12:58 PM
Power corrupts

absolute power corrupts absolutely

but a small meaningless amount of power corrupts in a never-ending waterfall of lulz.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Suu

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 05, 2011, 04:28:49 PM
0500 - Alarm goes off.  Scream something about how "they're all bastards", hit snooze.

0518 - Stagger out of bed, get coffee, shower, shave head, get dressed.

0545 - Grab lunch box and get in car.

0545 -> 0630 - RAGE RAGE RAGE

0630 - Print work orders for the day, smoke a cheap cigar.  Seethe.

0700 - Hand out work orders.

0730 - Morning staff meeting.  Seethe some more.  Say something wildly inappropriate.

0815 - Bugger off to office, do paperwork.  Seethe.

0900 - Break time.  Sit in my office and hate.

0930 - Pointless meetings.  More seething.

1200 - Lunch.  Catch up on what the crew is doing.

1350 - Pointless meeting #2.  Project mind bullets at everyone.

1430 - Pointless meeting #3.  Lose shit.

1510 - Pointless meeting #4.  Fake my own death.

1530 - End of workday.  Meeting still going.

1600 - Leave work, leave horrible messages on people's VM on the way home.

1645 - Arrive home.  Eat.

1700 - Scream at golphers while on treadmill.

1800 - Get on internet, troll everyone I can get my hands on.

1845 - Get some work done on campaign, or write awful letters to people.

1930 - PILLZ HERE.  Read book.

TBD - Fall asleep.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

LMNO



Sir Squid Diddimus

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!


Placid Dingo

Quote from: Cain on June 13, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
In some ways, this is actually kinda sad.  If you ignore the news and read the Wikileaks cables, it looks like Ahmadinejad's faction were actually the modernisers in the regime.  Not wonderful ones, of course, but politics is so often a case of honourable men upholding hideous systems and unpleasant revolutionaries attempting to change them.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.