« on: Yesterday at 10:02:04 pm »
That one gave me fuckin' full-body chills, Roger. Seriously. You know when you get the heebie-jeebies so bad your eyes start to water? That.
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Depression is a fuck of a thing. It's strongest asset is it's ability to sap your will to fight it. Like sleep but totally shite and serving no discernible purpose. Fighting it isn't just possible, it's crucial. Lot of strategies out there. Grab a handful and muster the will to use them.
Sometimes I feel like while I'm moving I'm outrunning it but it's still there, chasing me down like a rabid bear. The minute I stop, I'm fucked. So I keep going, keep lying to myself about how cool I am, how strong I am, how everybody loves me. It may be pile of steaming horseshit but the part of my brain I need to convince is pretty fucking gullible.
This is the truth. I'm usually pretty good at distracting myself, but there are definitely times where it catches up with me and as much as I try to tell myself "go do stuff", there are just no fucks to be found, not even buried deep in the couch where all the lighters and coins wind up. The occasional paranoia/self-doubt when it comes to the people around me doesn't help either. And the "fake it til you make it" attitude definitely can be a help, I just have to work on not confusing that with "bottle everything deep down into a pocket of sadness until everything comes bursting out at once because you spilled a little milk".I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with all this, TPZ... I really hope it starts to lift for you soon. The worrying and "what I might be forgetting" sounds really familiar and can be an early stage of an OCD episode, if you're prone to such things.
I'm not usually big on recommending drugs or supplements, but I've beed taking 5-HTP for about two years now and it does several things for me that are very noticeable; it keeps the OCD at bay, it helps to stave off my seasonal affective disorder and generally stabilizes my mood, and it helps me with my insomnia without making me groggy during the day. And it's cheap, in the vitamin section. It might be worth looking at, if you can take stuff like that.
The best part is that it seems to help stop that hamster-wheel of worry from spinning endlessly.
I've never been diagnosed with OCD, but it is a feeling that has come up more often. I figured it was part of the "generalized anxiety", but I have been known to turn around and go home because I didn't "watch" myself lock the door so I don't think that I did (it's always locked when I go back) or have to fight to keep heading to my destination because I am convinced something horrible is going to happen just because I left the house.
I do remember you talking about 5-HTP once, I believe in relation to this sort of issue. My boyfriend was taking it for insomnia for a bit so we may still have some at home. Usually I can barely stay awake by the end of the day, but I could be worn out from worrying all day. I did know he mentioned he did like the fact it helped him sleep without that "Nyquil" effect in the morning. Do you usually take it in the morning? It is worth trying at least. I have an anti-anxiety medication that I take as-needed, but I try to save that for REALLY bad days (I probably should have taken it yesterday), and a month's prescription can last me up to a year. I would like to see if the 5-HTP can maybe help regulate/stabilize things, at least, as you said, slow down that hamster on his wheel.
I'm 28 now. Went to Denny's wee hours for their free B-day meal with wife, and fabulous man. I said fuck it I'll have a blueberry milkshake. Find out its 1070 calories after I consumed it. So I get to spend a extra 50 mins at the gym. Afterwards I get to harass all my local joints for free Bday stuff. Free rectum exam,free cell phone, free laundry, free gas, free willy.
Thanks for all the Bday wishes so far. Thanks Burns for the gift card.
Application for editorial intern sent. It's not a major magazine, that I'm applying for, but they're well known in certain circles. Describe their politics as "progressive"...hopefully not in the American sense, because I morally refuse to shill for Obama unless the pay package is increased.
Would also have to move, but Oxford isn't a bad city, it'd be over the summer and I would be earning enough to rent somewhere out.
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Yes, this is what I was talking about. The pursuit of scientific inquiry was considered one of the most God-glorifying pursuits, because what more noble subject is there for man than to study the Creation of God?
I'm not really sure what happened after that, or why for some reason most Born-Agains hate science.
For people like Twid and I, it still is the ultimate holy work. Figuring out God's rulebook, so to speak.
And there was always an anti-science crowd. In the time period we're talking about, it was mostly in England.
Count me in. I'm convinced it's somewhere spread over Heavy Metal albums.
I'll move the book up the list.
As for the video, it was the one I thought. I'm pretty fucked so I'll try and think of something to say about that tomorrow.
You and Twid have never tried to convince me. The majority of theists I encountered growing up did. They did so with the sanction of the government and the education system. I also feel the need to make a distinction between people who believe in some form of creator or deity or intelligence behind the universe and the ones that piss me off, the one's who adhere to the bible explanation. No one ever told me to explore the possibility of there being some kind of intelligent creator, no. They told me his name, a bunch of stuff he did and said and a bunch of crap about some white guy who walked on water.
And they told me it like it was some kind of fact.
Why is it so important to believe in people with superpowers, marching around the planet, zapping people with lazor vision or turning them into newts and shit? This is the bit I just can't fathom. Why is it so important to so many people that, rather than just saying "okay it's a bunch of crap" and drop it, they have to "reinterpret"
Like how come saying "Okay we know Jesus didn't walk on water like it explicitly states in the book but now we believe he maybe stood in a puddle or something and that's what it means", is somehow valid or useful?
I'm really not trying to be inflammatory here, I just can't wrap my head around the value that a lot of people seem to place in this stuff.
Why does what other people believe matter so much to you? Isn't there some point where you go "oh, well, it isn't any of my business unless it affects me"?
In general terms, I suppose it doesn't. In very specific, political, shapers-of-public-policy terms, it very much does.
For example, Todd Akin: Denies Evolutionary theory, man-made climate change, and Biology (he's the "legitimate rape" guy), and he served on the Congressional Comittee of Science, Space, and Technology. And he's not the only loon on that committee. There's also Rep. Paul Broun, R-Ga., who said: ”All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell, and it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior.”
It's when their anti-rational and non-reality-based ideas and beliefs affect me, is when it starts mattering to me.
Sort of half this and half because it really, genuinely disturbs me. I was bombarded with this crap as a child, a lot of people went out their way to convince a young, highly impressionable child that the bible (ie - the holy miracle penned directly by the hand of gandalf the omniscient) was a real thing.
It messed up my head. It was like giant puddle of mental AIDS that took absolutely fucking ages to get rid of. It wasn't just me this was done to. It was all the kids at my school and all the adults that had been there before me. It was most of a race. A fucking race of homo sapiens! I live in a country that still describes itself as "Christian" Not "Buffy Fans" or "Trekkies" but some kind of throwback ancient forerunner where fandom requires you to actually believe in the vampires.
It's fucking pathetic. It annoys the shit out of me.
I'd guess it to be partly an ego thing. It's difficult to admit you are totally wrong about something, it's much more palatable to think that you were mostly right, just slightly off on a few things.
Again, I may be being somewhat harsh here but I've associated organised religion with stunted science so that idea clearly needs revising in some regards.
I've recommended it before, but I recommend Sapolsky's take on why humans believe in spiritual things. If you're genuinely interested, that is.
I must have missed the recommendation. I'm still working through Sapolsky whenever I get spare time and that sounds like it well worth a look at. Book or lecture?