The only thing tethering me to reality is the fact that I spent 3 years in Tucson myself, therefore poisoning the pit of my being with its weirdness and ruining it for Sheriff Joe. I'm damaged goods to his bunch, sure, but I'm still buried under five tons of them.
You'll be back.
I can feel it in my bones. Every once in a while I find myself out of cat videos to watch on Youtube and end up browsing Craigslist job postings in Tucson, without consciously meaning to. Eventually I'll find one, and then I'll be on my way. It's only a matter of time.
Arizona is scary, man.
"Scary" falls somewhat short. In my brief 32 years, here are some things that I have *I swear to Christ* seen, in Arizona:
- A moth, as large as a doorknob. ON a doorknob, so I know I'm not making this shit up.
- A normal black fly. Normal, in all respects, except that it was as big as my six-year-old fist. Fuck the laws of physics, that shit was absolutely real.
- An out of body experience induced by the smell of average red latex paint.
And then there are the things that aren't even weird
- Every single creature in the desert is weaponized, including what you'd normally think of as "prey" animals. Jackrabbits can kill you, as in kill you dead.
- We build bridges over rivers that have been bone dry for a thousand years.
- We build regular ground-level streets through rivers that look dry until the rainy season wipes them out once every decade.
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.
- Our cell phone towers are disguised as palm trees and cacti, because we want the convenience of the 21st century, but we want to pretend it's still 1860.