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Messages - Sexy St. Nigel

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1
Principia Discussion / Re: Introduction/Flaxscript Idea
« on: Today at 08:37:38 pm »
Shit yeah cookies!

Nigel, you did not get yourself on the list this time around. I have some extra boxes and I've barely started the baking, though, so let me know if you want in.

Oh, shit,  my head's been up my ass with homework. Yes please! Do you need me to PM you my address again?

2


Walked to the store to help myself get use to walking again.
Felt great. In the last 7 weeks of not moving I dropped 30 lbs.
I should be kicking people in the face by Fat Fuck Day.

You guys are ADORABLE.

3
My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

Like a promise to you would even matter, look what they're doing to one where promises were made sort of thing?

Yeah, that was kind of my point. If he's willing to deceive someone who he HAS made promises to, I have literally zero basis for expecting honesty.

 :oops: I reiterated to see if I understood the point.

Oh, yes, then. Exactly.

4
That said, I can see reasons someone might want to sleep with a guy who's cheating on his wife. They're all pretty selfish reasons, though, and most of them apply equally well to dating someone who is in a legit open marriage.

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My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

Like a promise to you would even matter, look what they're doing to one where promises were made sort of thing?

Yeah, that was kind of my point. If he's willing to deceive someone who he HAS made promises to, I have literally zero basis for expecting honesty.

6
Principia Discussion / Re: Introduction/Flaxscript Idea
« on: Today at 07:47:26 pm »
Ah, so more like in-game currency.

That seems to work well in online environments with a large, stable userbase. This board is probably quite a bit too small for it to work on, as there are only a dozen or so frequent posters and most of us have known each other for many years. In fact, QG Pennyworth is baking everyone holiday cookies right now. Her salty balls are beyond amazing, FYI.


7
My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.


8
Quote
I know that New England is notoriously small-minded and puritanical to it's core but that streak seems to be exceptionally strong among the openly polyamorous.

Sounds like code for "I'm mad that none of the poly girls will fuck me because they have this whole narrow-minded 'honesty' hangup".

I don't care what this guy's situation is, he's a douchebag for trying to lay it on you and guilt-trip you.

9
I'm really not even as anti-cheating as I probably sound. Shit happens, feelings happen, sex happens. People are messy and imperfect. Sometimes situations spin out of control, and you didn't go into it meaning to but the next thing you know it's six months later and you're having an affair.

On the other hand, going online and seeking out sex when your spouse doesn't know isn't just a messy life happening, it's about as premeditated as you can get. Demanding that people who aren't OK with that situation change their profiles to make it sound like they're more OK with it than they are is, IMO, a great big manipulative entitled asshole red flag.

10
Basically, I don't think that LG should feel bad because some random jerk feels guilty about cheating on his wife.

I don't, in fact, give a fuck what his excuses are, and I don't see why she should either. You know what the reasonable thing to do is, when you encounter the profile of someone who is not interested in you or your circumstances? Click away, look for someone else.

I would put money on the table that this guy isn't butthurt because she called cheating cheating. My bet is that he's butthurt because she's hot and she made it clear in her profile that she won't fuck him. I can't tell you how many messages I've gotten from guys who are mad that I won't even "give them a chance".

It's entitlement, pure and simple. Asshole farm up there is mad because he wants to cheat without anyone calling it cheating, but even more so, he's mad because she's closed the door on something he thinks he deserves, which is access to that fine ass.

In addition to the entitlement angle, I think the last little bit about "trying to make you better" is especially telling. You see, I am a woman who does not want to sleep with him, and therefore I must be wrong and broken and need a middle-aged know-it-all white male atheist to fix me.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I did not look this guy up or message him first. His profile is really fantastic, though. He heavily implies he has talked this over with the wife, when it's clear from our discussion that no he has not.

Yeah, he needs to improve you, and by "improve" he means convince you that you should have sex with him.

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 :lol: Actually, come to think of it, I think a legal argument for rape could be made, on the same premise that it is legally rape if you significantly falsely represent yourself in order to convince someone to have sex with you.

I'm surprised there isn't legal precedent for that, especially since bringing home a disease is definitely something that happens fairly frequently. I even knew someone who died from AIDS due to her cheating partner bringing it home. I know that in Oregon, at least, knowingly spreading an STD is illegal (partly due to Shawn's death, actually), but I wonder what the precedent, if there is one, is regarding having unprotected sex under the pretense of monogamy.

12
I think the thing that pisses me off the most about the "respect the cheater's feelings" argument is that because the cheater's spouse doesn't know, the cheater has essentially forced them into a non-consensual relationship. It's not rape, but the cheater has taken away their spouse's ability to choose whether that's the relationship they want to be in. And regardless of what the cheater says (and hell, if they're lying to their spouse, why expect them to be honest with total strangers?), totally "sexless marriages" are INCREDIBLY rare, so the odds are that the spouse is also having at least occasional unprotected sex with someone who they believe to be monogamous, but is not. That's an incredible violation of trust.

13
Basically, I don't think that LG should feel bad because some random jerk feels guilty about cheating on his wife.

I don't, in fact, give a fuck what his excuses are, and I don't see why she should either. You know what the reasonable thing to do is, when you encounter the profile of someone who is not interested in you or your circumstances? Click away, look for someone else.

I would put money on the table that this guy isn't butthurt because she called cheating cheating. My bet is that he's butthurt because she's hot and she made it clear in her profile that she won't fuck him. I can't tell you how many messages I've gotten from guys who are mad that I won't even "give them a chance".

It's entitlement, pure and simple. Asshole farm up there is mad because he wants to cheat without anyone calling it cheating, but even more so, he's mad because she's closed the door on something he thinks he deserves, which is access to that fine ass.

14
It's like asking a tax accountant to understate your income and getting all butthurt when the accountant says "I'm not willing to help you cheat on your taxes".

"BUT YOU'RE BEING SO JUDGMENTAL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL IT CHEATING, PLUS I HAVE TOTALLY VALID REASONS TO TRY TO FUDGE MY INCOME, YOU'RE BEING UNNECESSARILY HARSH"

Ummmm...

15
For that matter, anyone, absolutely anyone, is also completely within their rights to not be interested in sleeping with someone who's married even if it IS a 100% consensual and informed open marriage. Even poly people. Before I met my old man on the side, I was dead set against being anyone's "second".

Partly because of having dated several men in "poly" relationships who turned out to actually be in the process of divorces brought on by their adventures in open-marriage land, ie. their wives found someone they liked better. Dating people who are in the midst of marital turmoil sucks ass. But that's an aside.

Oh, I wouldn't touch the situation with a ten foot pole. But "I'm not interested in dating someone who's spouse doesn't know," is a fully adequate statement of that. Throwing in "I'm not here to help you cheat," doesn't accomplish anything but saying "and this is how I judge that behavior."

I'm not saying that's right or wrong. I'm just saying that it is judgmental, assumes something that may or may not be true, and there's a possibility that it's being read by somebody who it's unduly dickish towards.

If I threw up a profile that said, "I'm not interested in being a part of a poly/open situation. I'm not here to accommodate deviance." I would imagine I'd get a message or two like the one this dude sent.

Oh, fuck that. "I'm not here to help you cheat" is direct and to the point. The cheater knows he's cheating, and anyone who isn't cheating knows it's not directed at them. Judgmental? Sure. It's meant to send a loud and clear message to THAT PERSON, WHO IS IN FACT CHEATING ON  THEIR SPOUSE, that she's not fucking interested. Who gives a fuck if it gives them a pang of guilt because their conscience isn't clear?

It doesn't say "I'm not interested in helping you cheat, you lying scumsack". Should she use a friendly euphemism for cheating? It is what it is.

Are you saying that merely CALLING it cheating, when it is in fact cheating, is somehow harsh? I think the argument could be made for A. No fucks given, and B. If someone is on OK Cupid and looking to cheat, if they are so fragile that seeing it called "cheating" is going to injure their ego, they need to get the fuck off OK Cupid because they are in no way up for the emotional rigors of dating anyone. Period.

Basically, fuck that guy, he can go fuck himself. If he doesn't have the emotional fortitude and intellectual honesty to simply SEE the word for what he's doing on the profile of someone who isn't even interested, he can't handle doing it.

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