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Messages - Nigel

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We did get to play with liver flukes yesterday, though.


Blowing YUOR MONEY on rock hammers and plaid flannel shirts!

I licked a sample in Geology lab today.

I'll give your field that; in no other lab have I been allowed, let alone encouraged to lick a sample. And fuck knows I ask in every single Biology lab.

You have undergone The Initiation.

But the true test will be whether or not you find yourself surreptitiously licking rocks and minerals, even after you know damn well that halite is the only one where that test actually reveals any information.


So far, it's fun. It's puzzle time! ID shit, and remember how babby the planet was formed. Today I discovered that the new D2L, as soon as you've completed a quiz, shows you where you rank vs. the rest of the class and so far I'm fucking the curve for everybody else.  :lol: We're only 3 weeks in so there's plenty of time for the gap to close. Maybe the lippy asshole who sits behind me, who in my head is named GoogleEarth "Broham" Einstein, will do it. I also nailed IDing every sample in lab.

I know Geology 201 is not a competitive class, but seriously, I'm in my 3rd term of Biology and I haven't been allowed to put ANYTHING in my mouth yet.

Yesterday, at his brother's funeral, my friend came up to me and said "So A---'s mom just came up to me and asked, is that J-- H----? I think he friended me by accident on facebook, but I love reading his posts. Should I ask him for his autograph?"


Aww. :)

So, I may have mentioned mommy groups before, and how they are insane and I mostly hate the other mommies.

Wedding tonight, followed by Easter celebration tomorrow. Mexican style! See you guys next week!

Congratulations! I wish I was there to eat all your delicious wedding food!

I cannot stop laughing.

Delivery or carryout?
What's your name?
-Cordelia. C o r
-C O R D
-Jake. J a k e.



Also, this was fun:

We don't. It's bored suburban teenagers hopping on the "more special than you" bandwagon.

Biromantic means "to describe romantic attraction to more than one gender, despite the lack of sexual attraction" and with the gray in front it means "gray-romantic (grey-romantic) is a person with a romantic orientation that is somewhere between aromantic and romantic.
For example, a gray-romantic may:  Experience romantic attraction but not very often. Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships.  Desire relationships which are not quite platonic and not quite romantic."

The only interesting thing about it is that nobody fucking cares.

Yes, I have, and yes, I am.

Consider that for most kids who are well-bonded to a parent, that parent is the love of their life. The idea of a parent dying, for most young children, is as unthinkable as the idea of losing a child is to post parents.

Your friend who was brain damaged was, well, brain damaged. That can cause no significant personality changes at all, or it can be huge. Who knows?

I understand that people who are depressed are literally incapable of seeing outside their depression, and to a large degree are also incapable of doing most of the things that are clinically known to help lift depression, but I still think that suicide is a complete dick move.

I do support physician-assisted suicide for terminal patients, though.

It's interesting to see so many different sides of this.
Nigel, did you have people close to you self terminate? You seem very bitter and angry about it.
I never considered the ones I know to have been selfish assholes. I sort of sympathized. In a weird kind of way.
I understood a couple of them, like my friend with the child (which is where all of this stemmed from. I was thinking about her the other day).

She was in an accident and in a coma for a couple of months. A small portion of her brain had to be removed due to swelling, and one day she woke up and said "Where's my bike. Shit. Where the hell am I?", like nothing had happened. However, she suffered a downward spiral of depression a short while after. It went on for a couple of years. No smiles, no happiness, not even moments of "ok". She truly just suffered under a dark cloud until one day she ended it.
I feel horrible for her family and her child, but at the same time I never saw her as a selfish asshole, but as someone who just couldn't live inside her own head anymore. I felt sympathy for her. I felt like she was finally free. I'm sure her family thinks much differently, but it was hard for everyone to watch her suffer, and honestly, I think there was a little relief from a few. Her grandmother said "She doesn't have to suffer anymore" at her memorial service.

As far as comparing it to my own child, I can't even fathom the thought. Meaning I can't even think about that. The idea of him even being heartbroken over a girl makes me want to Hulk out on this town. I love that boy more than words can even say (obviously), so really, I can't use that to contrast, cause the mere thought makes me die inside.

So, what it comes down to, I guess, is yes, I would rather my parents suffer than die. Because at least they're still alive and have some glimmer of hope. And they're both stubborn fucking assholes so there's no excuse there. I wouldn't forgive them for it. I'd never get over it.

Suicide is the ultimate expression not of despair, but of terminal selfishness.

No, not really.  Because not only do you have the fact that you were abandoned, not only do you never have the chance to figure out why, and spend who knows how long blaming yourself, you find yourself wondering what you could have done that was so horrible that you drove someone who you thought loved you away.  THAT, you get to wrestle with for however long it takes, and THEN you deal with not only the loss, but the question of what you could have done to stop it, if only you'd been there, if only you'd tried harder, if only you'd seen...

Either way it's fucking  horrible. The only advantage I can see to alienating your family and then abandoning them is that it allows them to write you off as an asshole, which, trust me, they will want to do even if you weren't, because suicide is a complete and utter asshole thing to do to people who love you. The anger after a loved one commits suicide is deep and frightening, alongside the self-recrimination, guilt, and unreconcilable regret that never goes away.

My mother's godson committed suicide. I didn't know him very well, but it was my mother's godson, so I went with her and she was pretty upset. He was a teenager. The line for his wake was around the parking lot. Mom and I were in line for an hour and a half. About 20 minutes into it, she said to me, "if only he could see how many people would show up for this, maybe he wouldn't have done it." And you know what, she was right.

I myself have a pretty complex relationship with my parents. I'm not sure either of them realize how complex it is. But I would be absolutely gutted if either one of them offed themselves. I don't have to like them to love them unconditionally. And I'm saying this as a 32 year old.

She was probably wrong. Because people who commit suicide are so detached from reality that it doesn't matter if they know ten thousand grieving people will show up to their funeral. All they know is that they don't care enough about anything or anyone to stick around.

I mean, "Daddy killed himself because he molested me" is not going to make things easier on the abandoned and abused child.

I think there are a ton of confounding factors that make it a non-straightforward question, as you bring up... is the parent an alcohol or drug addict? Are they abusive? Those issues completely change the equation. They don't mean that it necessarily makes suicide easier or harder for the child to handle, they just add to the complexity of the trauma.

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