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Messages - tyrannosaurus vex

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Literate Chaotic / Re: Five word horror
« on: June 15, 2017, 06:47:14 pm »
America's only legacy is Snuggies.

This is hanging in my mother-in-law's bathroom.

But it's okay, it's "cute" and "vintage-style". And if there's a problem, you should just grow up, according to a reliable source.

Holy shit.

WTF, white people?

I'm at a loss. I'm also something like 900 miles away. My wife is visiting there and sent me the photo. I am unimpressed, even for this woman.

This is hanging in my mother-in-law's bathroom.

But it's okay, it's "cute" and "vintage-style". And if there's a problem, you should just grow up, according to a reliable source.

Literate Chaotic / Re: the beginning of nothing
« on: June 15, 2017, 06:03:25 am »
So... I hit a wall here, and decided to do a reboot already.

The car knew what was happening before we did. We had been cruising along 144th Parkway in the dead of night. No other traffic on the road, not that it would have mattered the way everything was automated. We didn't say much, mostly just listened to music as the car sped along the dark urban highway punctuated at regular intervals by the dashing glare of streetlights. I heard the car shift downward, and before I could decide to look out from my daze and focus on anything, the full-spectrum dome light had arced across the cabin and the car came to a complete halt. The music we had been listening to was swallowed by a sudden silence, dwindling to a barely audible hiss from the speakers.

"THIS IS A CHECKPOINT. PLEASE REMAIN SEATED." The voice, terrifyingly calming and so emotionless it was nearly incomprehensible, poured out of the speakers in the cabin where our music had just been preempted. Then a short pause, which I would swear was done intentionally to lull and then shock us, "THIS IS A CHECKPOINT. PLEASE REMAIN SEATED."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck. My eyes shot around the car's cabin, making contact with three other pairs of eyes doing the same thing. No one spoke. No one could speak. What was there to say, anyway? Almost in unison, four hands shot across four laps, fumbling for seatbelt release clasps. Mine was stuck. No, it was really stuck. Jammed? No. Just... locked. This strip of nylon was doing its cheerful little Happy Citizen job and detaining me. All of us, I saw, as I took another look around the cabin. Fuck.

"THIS IS A CHECKPOINT. PLEASE REMAIN SEATED." The car intoned again, as if we had any choice in the matter.

All at once, the car's windows hissed down into the doors. There was a stereophonic clunk as the locks disengaged. Hot, dusty air rushed in from outside the car, dragging foul city odors in with it. Then, silence. Silence, the penetrating, full-spectrum dome lights, and four people breathing in rapid bursts, for what felt like the longest, brightest, loneliest silence that had ever been.

The first sounds I heard outside the car were not reassuring. Gravely, grinding footsteps approached. A slightly irregular gait. Human. That might be good, or it might be bad. Probably bad. At this hour? Definitely bad.

There were only five audible steps before a face faded from the dim background and was framed by the window nearest Sid. A tight-fitting police helmet with fully-secured chin strap wafted slightly through the window, carrying a sharply defined human face beneath it. The officer exaggerated his natural frown, the corners of his mouth slowly reaching for his jowls as he surveyed the occupants of the car. His bright eyes met each of us directly and confidently, starting with Sid, whose face was only inches from his own, taking time to size us up before deciding what to have stopped us for. His nostrils visibly contracted as he inhaled in quick draws, and flared out again as he exhaled in long, not quite angry gusts. I saw a cartoon bull getting ready to pounce on a red flag.

No one had said a word, and he hadn't asked a single question. As far as I could tell we were all equally shocked and paralyzed, but Officer Bright Eyes correctly identified Sid as de facto leader of our little troop. His intense, searching glare melted into something like polite alertness as he squared his attention on her, and she turned her head obediently, but not demurely, and met his attention with a receptive but guarded expression of her own.

"Good evening young citizens! May I ask where you all are off to at such an hour as this?" said the Officer in mocking formality speaking plurally but addressing only Sid. "Mayhaps I can be of some assistance in ... helping you to arrive at your final destination?" At this, he uncurled his frown, flattened it into an obligatory cashier's smile, and held it there.

Sid did not break eye contact with Officer Bright Eyes. She replied evenly, "We are on official business and do not require your assistance. We thank you for your offer, but prefer to be on our way." The recital was rehearsed, but Sid's delivery was at least as passable as the Officer's had been.

Officer Bright Eyes' smile broadened almost into sincerity for a moment, and he offered the scripted response colored with what must pass for personality at the precinct office. His eyes were still doing their best to burn holes in Sid's retinas. "Official business? Oh my. I'd hate to delay official business. I'll send you on your way of course," and, pausing for such dramatic effect he was sure to win a Daytime Emmy, "Oh. I almost forgot. I'll have to see your itinerary, please." Without moving his head even a little, Officer Bright Eyes snaked an arm in through the window and presented an upturned palm.

Sid's own hand reached toward the car's console, a low, carpeted pillar topped with info-displays and control buttons, all of which had turned a cheerful red color in honor of the occasion, and crowned by small silver cylinder that had been presented by the car's subservient electronic brain. She kept her eyes trained into the Officer's as she plucked the cylinder out of its port and deposited it into his waiting palm.


Officer Bright Eyes closed his hand around the Navcom slowly, waiting for the car to complete its interminable informatory spiel and relishing every moment of our collective discomfort. When the car's warning receded, the Officer withdrew his hand and cheerily added, needlessly, "Now you citizens stay right there while I check this information. Don't go anywhere!" Then his head followed his arm into the darkness beyond the car, and we waited.

Of course, all of this pomp and circumstance was unnecessary. The Officer could just as easily have scanned our car's ID transmitter as we passed and gotten all the same information directly though the net if he'd wanted to. There wasn't even any reason to stop us. We weren't really driving this thing, after all, and if it had been necessary to detain us based on our car's programmed destination, or any of its recorded stops, or any of the fully identified occupants inside, he could have just pressed a button on his own console — probably as overblown and self-important as he was, and with three times the number of blinking lights for good measure — in his cruiser.

But instead, he chose to stop us. Old-fashioned style. He didn't look quite old enough to have been around back when this kind of traffic stop, or something like it, had been necessary. Most of the cops who were that old had retired, and the few who hadn't were too in love with the new, painless, safe way of doing things. This one — any of them, really, who actually physically stopped a car anymore — was clearly looking for excitement. And a cop who's looking for excitement is a cop you do not want anywhere near you while you're strapped safely and immovably into a bucket seat.

Jax started to say something but was cut off before he could make more than a timid gasp by a fierce glance from Sid. Jax, like all of us, knew that the cabin's microphones were all online and streaming a live feed to Officer Bright Eyes back in his cruiser. Cameras too, for that matter. Definitely cameras in a car as nice as this one. He probably didn't mean to say anything wrong, just forgot momentarily that there's no such thing as "not wrong" in this situation. He was new, though. Forgetfulness happens before it's been shot or beaten out of you. All our own excitement out of our systems, we settled in and prepared to sit in silence, forever.

Eternity ended rather quickly, as Officer Bright Eyes once more hovered out of the gloom and into the frame of Sid's window, head and hand both together this time. Something in his expression had stalled, however. His face had deflated somewhat, though it still bore a makeshift grin. His eyes weren't quite as bright. It struck me as a little tragic — perversely so, as if in a world this bad, an overnight thug in polished kevlar armor would have the offensive audacity to claim any tragedy for himself. Still, he was now Officer Not-so-Bright Eyes, and he returned the Navcom cylinder to Sid's now waiting hand.

"Thank you for your patience, citizens. I hope I have not detained you from your business for too long," he said sharply, but sounding thoroughly uninspired. Then, addressing the car more than us, "This vehicle is free to go on its way, voice authorization kilo echo kilo, uniform one seven seven four four."

At the sound of his command, the console's cheerful red lights gave way to cheerful green lights, momentarily splashing awkward Christmas spirit across five uncooperative faces. There was no more conversation. Officer Not-so-Bright-Eyes disappeared from the window as Sid plugged the Navcom back into its port, the windows shot back up, and the dome light dimmed from full-spectrum to an ambient blue probably designed to dispel any residual stress from the encounter.

As the car lurched forward and back into the empty parkway, Sid was the only one to speak. "Well, I was hoping not to test these hacks quite so soon, but it seems like they're good ones!"

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: June 14, 2017, 04:07:42 am »
Life in a typical small town in the American Midwest grows tense as its residents gradually lose their ability to communicate. They're all still speaking the same language, but people begin remembering events and history differently, with few of their memories in agreement. The phenomenon grows steadily backwards from the immediate past, eventually leaving every one of them with a completely unique memory of their life in the town as longtime friends, coworkers, family members, and spouses hardly recognize each other.

Literate Chaotic / Re: Unofficial What are you Reading Thread?
« on: June 12, 2017, 01:30:58 am »
The History of the Ancient World: From the Earliest Accounts to the Fall of Rome
by Susan Wise Bauer

Just now starting it, but it's engaging enough so far. I wanted a more human understanding of history and a better idea of the order of events. Right now covering a chapter about China's Yellow Emperor. There are two more of these that I know of, covering the Classical and Medieval periods. Soon I'll practically have a PhD.

I apologize in advance for any appearance of mockery of gender identity on my profile if this feature comes to pass.

Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: June 07, 2017, 05:18:38 pm »
Is that rock bottom? Surely NK condemning you along with the rest of the world is rock bottom. I almost wonder how this fits into that whole eco-fascist thing.

We passed rock bottom a year ago and are free-falling through the infinite black void of outer space.

Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: June 07, 2017, 05:43:15 am »
Lets see what is happening in Louise Mensch land


This is the same lady that said the Supreme Court was notifying Trump of his impending impeachment, right? lol. It's annoying to have a second-rate InfoWars clone on "our side".

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: June 06, 2017, 09:32:20 pm »
In a dystopian near future, the most popular TV show is a hyper-violent version of The Bachelor where 100 women are encouraged to murder each other in order to get a date with a millionaire.

This "near future" could very well be sometime next week.

Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: June 03, 2017, 06:42:09 am »
The trumpers have now convinced themselves that Trump MEANT to type "covfefe", and that it an Arabic word meaning either "I will stand up" or “In the end we win.”.


Thanks. You made me look up the background to this, and it's probably one of the most terrifyingly stupid things I have seen take root in Kek land. Jesus absolute Christ, the stupidity and self-delusion are so much. Problematically, it doesn't matter. True or not, insane or not, it doesn't matter. So many people are in on this awful joke (this MAGA shit in general) that they may very well carry the rest of us with them regardless of how absolutely bonkers it is.

In the course of some pointless Internet argument somewhere:
The truth is more important than the facts.

You're probably right. Someone should do some kind of science that produces a graph that maps "ability to harness the stars" against "desire to harness the stars". I think it might show a nice, clean bell curve that begins to drop off somewhere around "society realizes there is no god to die for".

I always found the "alien megastructure" thing a silly explanation anyway, because the whole Kardashev thing is painfully presumptuous to begin with. Here we are, can't even agree on what people should be allowed to do with their own bodies because a Bronze-Age god might get pissy, but we are sure we have plotten the course of energy technology for the next five million years. I don't know why anyone takes it seriously.

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