Messages

16

Apple Zone / Re: NYC = Bollocks

« on: May 08, 2013, 12:48:15 pm »

The Eastern Seaboard is full of the descendants of the people who were too scared to get on a covered wagon and head into the vast unknown with nothing but a six-gun, a satchel full of stale bread, and smallpox to keep them company. I am unsurprised at its present lack of adventurous spirit, the natives opting instead to hunker down in their dens by about 6 PM or so. After that, the only people on the streets are Europeans pissing on things and exhausted tourists wondering what happened to the street performers. And the homeless, of course, but they don't really have much choice.

17

Apple Zone / Re: Quotes of the Moment II

« on: May 08, 2013, 05:50:40 am »

An exchange a few minutes ago on Facebook, between myself [normal text] and my token Dominican ladyfriend [italicized], concerning the cover photo of Twid's Facebook profile:

Dude
Look at your friends cover photo
Lmfao
Lmfao Lmfao

yeah he's a fucking bad ass
so what

Look at the ppl in the cover photo
Lmfao Lmfao Lmfao

yeah, and? every single one of those bad motherfuckers will legitimately fuck your shit sideways sixteen times before breakfast, and ask for a refund.

They would fuck me?

yeah, AND you'd be so goddamn pregnant by the time they were done, you'd have to leave in a fucking clown car.
I mean look at that woman in the middle. Just look at that fucking "come get some baby" glare in her eyes. She knows you have nothing to bring to a fight. She'd blow two holes right through you before you ever walked through the door. Shit.

That motherfucker on the right looks almost SURPRISED by the sheer volume of mindblowing fucked you'd be if you started some shit with them.

I'm not scared of them
That's like, my favorite picture
I want to be their friend

You want to be their friend? Yeah? You ain't got D20s big enough.

Idk Wtf is.d20

These fuckers can roll a D20 like yo mama rolls over for the mailman. It's nothing to them. They don't fucking fuck around. They'd take one look at your Level 45 Mage and then drop a god damn boulder out of nowhere on that wussy birthday magician. Because you'd never Save Vs. These Fuckers. There ain't enough sides on a D20 to count that high.

sorry, D&D reference. D20 is a 20-sided die.

Omg omg omg
You NERF
NERD

18

Apple Zone / Re: ICONS OF HATE

« on: May 08, 2013, 04:58:24 am »

LOL U MAD BRO?
    \

19

Apple Zone / NYC = Bollocks

« on: May 08, 2013, 03:49:45 am »

A rant about one man's quest to find a fucking cup of coffee in New York at 11:30 PM.

So I'm in NYC. PARTYING HARD, naturally. This is the BIG APPLE. The City that Never Sleeps. Oh, shit look at the time. 11:30 PM! I better refuel so I can keep Never Sleeping and all. How about some coffee! I'll just go whip some up in the hotel room.

Oh fuck! This hotel room features literally ZERO coffee makers! That's weird, because every god damn hotel room I've ever stayed in, even in shitty podunk places in god-forsaken Wyoming have coffee makers. Oh well, there must be some brewing downstairs.

Oh wait! I forgot, this hotel isn't any normal hotel. This place seems to think it's a fucking night club. Some rip-off of Ace of Base is attacking me in the elevator, and when I get downstairs I remember that there is no coffee up in this biotch at all. It's fucking wall-to-wall hipsters. Coffee is for corporate STOOGES, man. I'm supposed to go into one of the three or so built-in scene bars here, mingle with these bespectacled, fedora-clad fucksticks with elbow patches, smell their shitty cologne, and pay $27 for a weak ass, non-coffee-based mixed drink so I can look like I was drinking shitty alcohol before it was even cool.

Well... fuck that. I'm going outside. This is the City that Never Sleeps. I'll just go find a Starbucks. Fuck you, hipsters.

Hmm. Three blocks down and counting. I've passed no fewer than 5 Starbucks now, along with a 2,000 or so other shops, and apparently not only does New York, in fact, sleep, it  at passes out behind the wheel at like 7 god-damn PM. And I'm not really asking for a whole lot here. It's 11:30 PM on a Tuesday, and I'd like a cup of coffee. How fucking WEIRD, I guess.

What the fuck kind of international city closes all the coffee shops at 10PM. The fucked up kind, that's what. You people need to take a few cues from real towns like Tokyo and Tucson, where no matter what else may or may not be going down, you can always find a fucking cup of joe.

20

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: May 07, 2013, 02:52:38 am »

YOU CAN'T JUST APPOINT YOURSELF THE OFFICIAL ELECTOR OF MEXICO!
We need an election to determine which election has the support of the people.

21

Apple Zone / Re: PICS VIII: 10% LARGER THAN PICS VII

« on: May 02, 2013, 06:46:36 pm »

22

Aneristic Illusions / Re: So, RWHN, it appears your predictions of doom are contradicted

« on: May 02, 2013, 06:41:59 pm »

RWHN seems to think that "The Law" is some kind of supernatural force held in place by the bravery of the singularly gifted individuals in the police force, which is of course a divinely-ordained institution full of demi-gods whose sole motivation is the continued peace and well-being of the citizenry.

Which is beautiful, because I'd hate to live in a world where "The Law" is something as mundane as a few rules set up by the only people who have the power to enforce them, implemented on a sliding scale affording greater leeway to people with greater social status, and written for the specific and barely-disguised purpose of empowering the powerful at the expense of the oppressed.

The law is either your servant or your master.

I know which I prefer.

Yeah, this.

But lately the law is a little less than a loyal servant. I can no longer depend on it to force the issues of due process or fair trial; I can no longer depend on it to demand its equal application to everyone; I can no longer even depend on the law to provide me a recourse when some more powerful entity victimizes me against my will.

I can sure as shit depend on the law to show up at all the wrong times, say all the wrong things about me to all the wrong people, and fill every crevice in my activities, though.

If the law was a person I knew, I would, at this point, stay the absolute fuck away from it. Which is why I object so violently to RWHN's position that "The Law" should be summoned to address the personal choices made by fully independent humans. When the law shows up these days, it isn't there to put things right.

23

Aneristic Illusions / Re: So, RWHN, it appears your predictions of doom are contradicted

« on: May 02, 2013, 06:36:00 pm »

RWHN seems to think that "The Law" is some kind of supernatural force held in place by the bravery of the singularly gifted individuals in the police force, which is of course a divinely-ordained institution full of demi-gods whose sole motivation is the continued peace and well-being of the citizenry.

Which is beautiful, because I'd hate to live in a world where "The Law" is something as mundane as a few rules set up by the only people who have the power to enforce them, implemented on a sliding scale affording greater leeway to people with greater social status, and written for the specific and barely-disguised purpose of empowering the powerful at the expense of the oppressed.

24

Aneristic Illusions / Re: So, RWHN, it appears your predictions of doom are contradicted

« on: May 02, 2013, 03:17:04 pm »

Medical marijuana notwithstanding, an adult is not going to "suffer" if they continue to be unable to purchase marijuana legally. 

Depends on your definition of "suffering," I guess. I mean, if some asshole who happens to wear a badge decides that it's his personal right to revoke my freedom or my possessions simply because I decided of my own free will to purchase the wrong kind of vegetable from someone who wasn't hurting anyone, that might count as "suffering."

25

Apple Zone / Re: Look, all I've been trying to say is...

« on: May 02, 2013, 01:18:04 am »

I was at the office today, in the middle of another grueling hour of sticking the new Corporate Policies™ to these relative innocents, and one of the poor suckers comes over and asks me "Hey, you know, the system we had two weeks ago was working just fine for us. Why do we need your system? I mean, do you enjoy all the mayhem you're causing here? Ha Ha. Just joking."

And I bit my lip, man. Because I'm just joking, too. I've been just joking with these upstanding, undeserving people for a whole month now, and even I didn't realize it until he said something.

I congratulate you on not using his teeth to polish your shoelaces.

Thankfully I am acquainted with Eris, as much as I hate people who say that as such. So, there's a part of me that does actually enjoy causing the mayhem.

26

Apple Zone / Re: Look, all I've been trying to say is...

« on: May 02, 2013, 12:41:34 am »

I was at the office today, in the middle of another grueling hour of sticking the new Corporate Policies™ to these relative innocents, and one of the poor suckers comes over and asks me "Hey, you know, the system we had two weeks ago was working just fine for us. Why do we need your system? I mean, do you enjoy all the mayhem you're causing here? Ha Ha. Just joking."

And I bit my lip, man. Because I'm just joking, too. I've been just joking with these upstanding, undeserving people for a whole month now, and even I didn't realize it until he said something.

27

Aneristic Illusions / Re: ATTN, Von Zwietracht & other libertariantards

« on: May 01, 2013, 01:58:53 pm »

MY ANARCHY HAS AN EVERYTHING-PROOF VEST ON. IT'S CALLED LIBERTARIANISM NOW.
   \

28

Apple Zone / Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.

« on: May 01, 2013, 05:08:10 am »

Idk. I mean, neither one of my kids was "planned" as such. They just happened, because we weren't actively making them not happen. But I've never had a moment where I regret them... even though I might wish I had more time, more money, more quiet or whatever. So I don't think you have to plan out a perfect life to be prepared for kids. You just have to not be complete goddamn wastes like the people in the OP apparently are. If you give a shit about your kids, they will easily provide all the motivation you need to provide and care for them, just by being there and being yours. If you don't give a shit about your kids, I don't see how any amount of planning could make the slightest bit of difference.

29

Aneristic Illusions / Re: ATTN, Von Zwietracht & other libertariantards

« on: May 01, 2013, 04:56:38 am »

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

ATTENTION, LIBERARIANS:

We already have a "Libertarian" society.

Do you know what happens in a Libertarian society? Yes? No you don't. I'll tell you what happens.

First, everything is fun.

THEN, some asshole decides he's bigger and badder than the rest of the assholes, and he starts up something we call A FUCKING GOVERNMENT.

Since there's no pre-existing government to stop him from doing that, well, it is what it is.

Libertarianism is, in fact, just a fleeting thought where you go "Hey, what if these assholes weren't in charge?" but then forget the answer to your not-as-rhetorical-as-you-thought-it-was question, that answer being, "If those assholes weren't in charge, some other assholes would be." So give the fuck up already.

Libertarianism is the ideal political and social order for any planet NOT INHABITED BY GODDAMN HUMANS.



ETA: No I'm not conflating Libertarianism and Anarchy. "Libertarianism" is just "Anarchy without all the parts I don't want to admit make Anarchy completely goddamn stupid."

30

Apple Zone / Re: Liveblogging the Clusterfuck at Work

« on: May 01, 2013, 12:30:40 am »

No fewer than 3 conference calls about this mess. Finally I had to inform all the "let's talk about this" people that being on a conference call sort of distracts from, you know, fixing things.

Welcome to my world.  If I didn't dodge meetings about how to fix shit, nothing would get fixed.

I'm starting to wonder if the same people who build your facility went on to build education technology companies.

My facility wasn't "built", so much as it "grew" as they invented the technology.

In other words, it was designed by chemical engineers instead of plant engineers.  Which is kind of like having your brain surgery performed by a proctologist.

Yes. Sort of like our network, which has more layers than a love child of Venice and Pompeii. It actually grew by "Test Environments" becoming "Production Environments" by executive decree.