« on: December 24, 2016, 05:31:28 am »
Today, we get extremely ambitious and make a main course PLUS A SIDE!
Basmati Rice, 2 cups
3 jumbo eggs
1. Cook the rice an hour and a half before dinner is supposed to start, because fried rice takes for fucking ever. Holy shit, you're on top of this shit tonight.
2. Hot damn, that rice is fucking perfectly cooked. Let that shit cool completely.
3. Thaw the carrots and peas, corn, and broccoli, because frozen shit is precooked and that cuts cook time by a bit. Wait, how the fuck has it been 45 minutes? Uh, scramble the eggs with some oil and soy sauce in. Just a bit, you don't need to drown the eggs in that crap.
4. Cook those eggs. Oh, oh no. No, time what are you doing. No time STAHP
5. Stir fry the vegetables in sesameoil andsoy sauce.
6.Stirfry therice andvegetablesand addtheeggs last whyisn'ttherea biggerpan fuck
6.5 SALT ALL THE THINGS
the zest of 4 ORANGES
ancho chile pepper
6 chicken thighs
7. PANIC BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED CUTTING THE THIGHS UP AND YOU'VE GOT LIKE 15 MINTUES BEFORE DINNER
8. Pour some orange juice in a pan. Add a little vinegar, the zest, some brown sugar (not as much as the zest), the spices. Stare blankly into the pan and the void beyond, and decide to add some soy sauce and terriyaki sauce, also. Put it on the back burner to begin reducing. Shit, hope that's enough!
9. Cut the chicken quite thin, it'll speed up the cook time and also possibly will come out crunchy or some other more appropriate word.
11. mix like a cup of flour and a cup of corn starch. Yeah, that looks like enough.
12 are you forgetting anything fuck hope not OIL FUCK SHIT
13. Start heating up the oil. This is taking a lot longer than you expected.
14. Ah, good, we're up to putting the chicken in the actual oil now. This will take a long time, because the pan is still too small.
15. Still frying that chicken.
16. Fuck meals that consist of entree + side. Srsly.
17. Hallelujah, the chicken is all done, and the sauce is about done, too. Oh. Oh no. Is that enough sauce?
18. Add chicken. Stare in horror, because it doesn't look like it'll be enough sauce.
19. stir that chicken good and hard. If you stir long enough, you'll get the sauce to touch all the surfaces, and therefore it'll be on all the chicken. Technically.
It's not bad, probably next time I make the chicken I'll use just corn starch, but jesus christ I hate making meals. The quantity of fried rice alone was enough to last me a week.