AMSTERDAM, NORTH HOLLAND RET, Reg
Reginald Ret illegally immigrated to Heaven in the early hours of Friday, 6 November 2014 after dying of thirst after the next Dutch person scheduled to relieve him of his finger in the dam crack obligations caught a bad case of Americanitis and decided to say "fuck this job, I'm going to smoke weed and visit a brothel." He was 31, and almost old enough to no longer be eligible for dam duty. His final words are said to have been "how is it that Amsterdam is our capital but the seat of government is the Hague?" He is the only Dutchman to have died while on dam duty. As a result, he has been posthumously awarded the Military William Order and King Willem-Alexander is personally seeing to repairing the crack by creating a statue of Reg with its finger in the crack. Reg's ashes will be interred underneath it and a bed of tulips planted around it, and 6 November has been declared a bank holiday.