The Fat Eris Cook book

[Cramulus]

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Here's my recipe for mac n cheese. use it if you want.
if you don't want it... then... who the fuck doesn't want my damn mac n cheese. are you god damned crazy??

Noodles n Jizz
or
you know,
Fucking mac n cheese

you need:
1 stick butter
8 Tbps flour
1 middle sized container of half n half
a palmful of paprika
2 lbs shredded cheese of your choice (fucking use cheddar, maybe some gouda, or gruyere, do not melt a whole block of stilton into this bitch or I will punch you)
1 box elbow noodles

Pre-heat your oven to 350F.
Melt the stick of butter in a medium saucepan. I know it seems like a lot of butter, quit crying pussy, you need it. Once the butter melts and begins to bubble add the flour to make a roux. This shit is gonna get thick so start stirring. Slowly add the half n half. Once it gets hot (you can tell by the steam, no joke, you can really cook this way) add the shredded cheese one handful at a time and the paprika until the shit's melty and gooey.

In the meantime you should have boiled your noodles. Oh, you didn't do this? Get out of the kitchen and go mow the lawn or polish your shoes, asshole. If you put oil in the pasta water I will show up at your house and fucking choke you. Do NOT put oil in the god damned water, just stir the shit as you add it slowly. If you can't figure this shit out, get a helmet and go watch t.v.

Grease a casserole dish with either olive oil, butter or lard. there's so much fat in this shit at this point that it doesn't matter if you use 5W20 motor oil.
Mix your cheese sauce and noodles together, top with more shredded cheese, some fresh cracked black pepper and bake until top is brown and crusty or your husband wanders into the kitchen and says "god damn, what is that and is it ready yet??"

Serve with your coronary surgeon's number on speed dial.
If your intention is "accidental death", put this shit in the fridge overnight, cut into blocks, dip into flour-egg-breadcrumbs and deep fry.

For the next hour and a half roll around on the floor crying and wishing that you could throw this shit up. Unfortunately it's so thick that it instantly binds your bowels.
Good luck humans and godspeed little hearts!

[LMNO]

Here's my recipe for mac n cheese. use it if you want.
if you don't want it... then... who the fuck doesn't want my damn mac n cheese. are you god damned crazy??

Noodles n Jizz
or
you know,
Fucking mac n cheese

you need:
1 stick butter
8 Tbps flour
1 middle sized container of half n half
a palmful of paprika
2 lbs shredded cheese of your choice (fucking use cheddar, maybe some gouda, or gruyere, do not melt a whole block of stilton into this bitch or I will punch you)
1 box elbow noodles

Pre-heat your oven to 350F.
Melt the stick of butter in a medium saucepan. I know it seems like a lot of butter, quit crying pussy, you need it. Once the butter melts and begins to bubble add the flour to make a roux. This shit is gonna get thick so start stirring. Slowly add the half n half. Once it gets hot (you can tell by the steam, no joke, you can really cook this way) add the shredded cheese one handful at a time and the paprika until the shit's melty and gooey.

In the meantime you should have boiled your noodles. Oh, you didn't do this? Get out of the kitchen and go mow the lawn or polish your shoes, asshole. If you put oil in the pasta water I will show up at your house and fucking choke you. Do NOT put oil in the god damned water, just stir the shit as you add it slowly. If you can't figure this shit out, get a helmet and go watch t.v.

Grease a casserole dish with either olive oil, butter or lard. there's so much fat in this shit at this point that it doesn't matter if you use 5W20 motor oil.
Mix your cheese sauce and noodles together, top with more shredded cheese, some fresh cracked black pepper and bake until top is brown and crusty or your husband wanders into the kitchen and says "god damn, what is that and is it ready yet??"

Serve with your coronary surgeon's number on speed dial.
If your intention is "accidental death", put this shit in the fridge overnight, cut into blocks, dip into flour-egg-breadcrumbs and deep fry.

For the next hour and a half roll around on the floor crying and wishing that you could throw this shit up. Unfortunately it's so thick that it instantly binds your bowels.
Good luck humans and godspeed little hearts!

You know where I said the recipies should be funny?

This is what I was talking about.

Good on you, Squiddie.

[LMNO]

Also, for Richter:
http://www.themadmusicarchive.com/song_details.aspx?SongID=129

[Triple Zero]

funny recipes?!?!!

I subumit my TOOTHPASTA AL DENTE : http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=13304.0

I checked the story for spelling errors and readability, I think it could go right into the book like this

[Pariah]

Okay both of those are added.
For now the book is divided under actual recipes and mindfuck ones and probably for the first edition/rough draft it will stay that way. Then we can break them up.

[Triple Zero]

how about you just divide the recipes randomly but evenly over the chapters Sweet, Boom, Pungent, Prickle, and Orange. then let the Law of Fives do its work for people to sort out what the connection is.

[Bruno]

Maybe "Boom" could be post-apocalyptic/depression era/survival recipes i.e kudzu & dog soup, or dandelion/kitteh stir-fry with WOMP'd pictures of cute furry critters with garnish.

[Iason Ouabache]

Speaking of Mindfucks:

Here's a little local recipe for ya.

1  lb    Pork brains (used to be beef brains, but they are almost impossible to get due to mad cow disease)
1      Egg, beaten   
1/2  c    Flour   
1/2  ts    Baking powder   
Salt to taste   
Pepper to taste

Soak brains in salt water a short time.
Cover with clear water and remove membrane.
Drain; beat in other ingredients with spoon. If too thin, add a small amount of flour; if too thick, add small amount of milk.
Fry on griddle until well done, turning once.
Serve on buns, of course.

Should be served with a side of squirrel burgoo and a bottle of Double Cola.  Followed by a fried candy bar for dessert.

[Richter]

Speaking of Mindfucks:

Here's a little local recipe for ya.

1  lb    Pork brains (used to be beef brains, but they are almost impossible to get due to mad cow disease)
1      Egg, beaten   
1/2  c    Flour   
1/2  ts    Baking powder   
Salt to taste   
Pepper to taste

Soak brains in salt water a short time.
Cover with clear water and remove membrane.
Drain; beat in other ingredients with spoon. If too thin, add a small amount of flour; if too thick, add small amount of milk.
Fry on griddle until well done, turning once.
Serve on buns, of course.

Should be served with a side of squirrel burgoo and a bottle of Double Cola.  Followed by a fried candy bar for dessert.

Perfect!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Boiled egg sandwich

2 hard-boiled eggs
1 large pickle
2 slices of sourdough or rye bread
Mayonnaise

Lightly toast the bread. While the bread is toasting, slice your eggs and pickle.

Generously slather both pieces of toast with mayonnaise ON ONE SIDE ONLY, then layer the egg and pickle slices on the mayo side of one slice. Place the other slice on top, mayo-side-down. Consume voraciously, like a pterodactyl with a pork shoulder.

[Pariah]

Holy shit
Broken AI's Recipe takes up a little more than 2 pages

[Richter]

Currently looking for Nigel's Mormon Funeral Potatoes recipe.

Maybe write it in with "We jacked shit form other religion's cookbooks for laughs" sctick?

[Pariah]

As of right now for the sake of easier convience to myself mainly I'm dividing them into Mindfucks and recipes. I'll post the PDF of that and you guys can have at it with the organizing and the dividing and such.

Oh and by the way, What is a mormon funeral like in comparison to a normal one

[LMNO]

More wives, I'm guessing.




LMNO
-gets all his information from Big Love.