Author Topic: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll  (Read 30642 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« on: April 28, 2009, 03:33:58 am »
You know, the cruelest joke that God ever played on some unsuspecting primates is that, by the time you have shit figured out, it's too late.  You're falling apart at the fucking seams, and all you can do is watch clueless younger people fuck things up the same way you did.  Youth is wasted on the young.  If you bastards knew what I know, if you had an inkling of how truly fucked up you CAN be, you'd be too BUSY to be upset about ANYTHING. 

But isn't that the other half of the joke?  When you're young enough to ENJOY shit, you can't AFFORD it...and then when you finally have MONEY, it's too fucking late.  You are no longer pretty.  Bits that should be stationary move around when they shouldn't.  Gravity has it's way with you, like the cheap fucking whore you turned out to be.

It's a bitch.  You're too fucking old to rock n roll, and too goddamn young to die.  God has given you just enough time to decide what you like, you know, you figure out you like cheap cigars and certain types of food, and then BAM!  You get told that if you HAVE these few things you like, you'll fucking DIE.  How's that for a punchline, right?  Fuckers...if I was convinced I WOULD die, I'd keep doing what I like, and FUCK THEM ALL.  But that's not what would happen, is it?  No, I'd just wind up not getting air for 5 minutes or so, and turn into a sausage creature...a lump of meat that sits there, bloated, for years on the shelf before finally dying like a decent person ought to do.

I AM NOT FUCKING HAVING THIS!  This is BULLSHIT!  Who the FUCK has a Goddamned HEART ATTACK at 40?  Fucking PISSES ME OFF until I get those little sparklies in my eyes, you know the ones. 

But no, I suppose I ought to fucking calm down and obey their diets, and accept that I will never, ever again get to enjoy a cheap cigar.  I suppose I ought to be GRATEFUL that all I got was a warning shot from a God who did everything fucking BACKWARDS, and the only thing I have left to look forward to is being a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS when I get old.  And I will.  Oh, yes.

Because if my calculations are right, and the doctors know their shit, I should last 50 more years.  That's 50 years to store up BILE AND HATE and take it out on anyone unfortunate enough to come within the arc of my reach.  Especially those less than half my age.  Bastards.  All bastards!  You fuckers have bodies like RUBBER BANDS, and what the FUCK are you doing with them?  Why the FUCK aren't you out having weird sex with perverts?  I would, if they'd fucking let me, and if I wasn't a 40 year old fucking train wreck.

Goddammit.

Or kill me.


" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
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Jenne

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2009, 03:43:38 am »
Aw, Tigger, you're not too old to Rock N Roll.  You just gotta get SMARTER bout it is all.

I hear you though...getting old is sucky, to say the least of it.

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2009, 04:16:03 am »
FUCK!  :mittens: :mittens:
It's good to see you're "okay", whatever that means.
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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2009, 04:24:07 am »
You forgot the last line of that song:

"No, you're never too old to Rock'n'Roll if you're too young to die."

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2009, 04:25:24 am »
You forgot the last line of that song:

"No, you're never too old to Rock'n'Roll if you're too young to die."

Ian Anderson is a lying little whore.   :crankey:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2009, 04:26:50 am »
"Too Old To Rock 'n' Roll: Too Young To Die"

The old Rocker wore his hair too long,
wore his trouser cuffs too tight.
Unfashionable to the end --- drank his ale too light.
Death's head belt buckle --- yesterday's dreams ---
the transport caf' prophet of doom.
Ringing no change in his double-sewn seams
in his post-war-babe gloom.

Now he's too old to Rock'n'Roll but he's too young to die.

He once owned a Harley Davidson and a Triumph Bonneville.
Counted his friends in burned-out spark plugs
and prays that he always will.
But he's the last of the blue blood greaser boys
all of his mates are doing time:
married with three kids up by the ring road
sold their souls straight down the line.
And some of them own little sports cars
and meet at the tennis club do's.
For drinks on a Sunday --- work on Monday.
They've thrown away their blue suede shoes.

Now they're too old to Rock'n'Roll and they're too young to die.

So the old Rocker gets out his bike
to make a ton before he takes his leave.
Up on the A1 by Scotch Corner
just like it used to be.
And as he flies --- tears in his eyes ---
his wind-whipped words echo the final take
and he hits the trunk road doing around 120
with no room left to brake.

And he was too old to Rock'n'Roll but he was too young to die.
No, you're never too old to Rock'n'Roll if you're too young to die.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2009, 04:27:24 am »
You forgot the last line of that song:

"No, you're never too old to Rock'n'Roll if you're too young to die."

Ian Anderson is a lying little whore.   :crankey:

But he can play the flute like a motherfucker, so- WOAH WHEN THE FUCK DID WE GET THAT SMILEY?

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2009, 04:31:01 am »
You forgot the last line of that song:

"No, you're never too old to Rock'n'Roll if you're too young to die."

Ian Anderson is a lying little whore.   :crankey:

But he can play the flute like a motherfucker, so- WOAH WHEN THE FUCK DID WE GET THAT SMILEY?

I added a shitload today.

Also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0dsIeJ2EZU&feature=related
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2009, 10:41:31 am »
You know, the cruelest joke that God ever played on some unsuspecting primates is that, by the time you have shit figured out, it's too late.  You're falling apart at the fucking seams, and all you can do is watch clueless younger people fuck things up the same way you did.  Youth is wasted on the young.  If you bastards knew what I know, if you had an inkling of how truly fucked up you CAN be, you'd be too BUSY to be upset about ANYTHING. 

But isn't that the other half of the joke?  When you're young enough to ENJOY shit, you can't AFFORD it...and then when you finally have MONEY, it's too fucking late.  You are no longer pretty.  Bits that should be stationary move around when they shouldn't.  Gravity has it's way with you, like the cheap fucking whore you turned out to be.

It's a bitch.  You're too fucking old to rock n roll, and too goddamn young to die.  God has given you just enough time to decide what you like, you know, you figure out you like cheap cigars and certain types of food, and then BAM!  You get told that if you HAVE these few things you like, you'll fucking DIE.  How's that for a punchline, right?  Fuckers...if I was convinced I WOULD die, I'd keep doing what I like, and FUCK THEM ALL.  But that's not what would happen, is it?  No, I'd just wind up not getting air for 5 minutes or so, and turn into a sausage creature...a lump of meat that sits there, bloated, for years on the shelf before finally dying like a decent person ought to do.

I AM NOT FUCKING HAVING THIS!  This is BULLSHIT!  Who the FUCK has a Goddamned HEART ATTACK at 40?  Fucking PISSES ME OFF until I get those little sparklies in my eyes, you know the ones. 

But no, I suppose I ought to fucking calm down and obey their diets, and accept that I will never, ever again get to enjoy a cheap cigar.  I suppose I ought to be GRATEFUL that all I got was a warning shot from a God who did everything fucking BACKWARDS, and the only thing I have left to look forward to is being a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS when I get old.  And I will.  Oh, yes.

Because if my calculations are right, and the doctors know their shit, I should last 50 more years.  That's 50 years to store up BILE AND HATE and take it out on anyone unfortunate enough to come within the arc of my reach.  Especially those less than half my age.  Bastards.  All bastards!  You fuckers have bodies like RUBBER BANDS, and what the FUCK are you doing with them?  Why the FUCK aren't you out having weird sex with perverts?  I would, if they'd fucking let me, and if I wasn't a 40 year old fucking train wreck.

Goddammit.

Or kill me.




I feel ya, man. Hit the big 4-0 myself last month and I'm falling to fucking pieces. Aches and pains and I stopped being pretty enough to pull teenagers 10 fucking years ago. The question I'm asking myself is "now what?"

And so far I aint over enamoured with any of the answers I've been sold  :evilmad:
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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2009, 11:31:51 am »
.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2009, 05:31:37 am by Lysergic »
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order… is you!

Lies

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2009, 12:02:08 pm »


...
« Last Edit: April 29, 2009, 09:49:14 am by Lysergic »
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order… is you!

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2009, 01:13:23 pm »
The Goddess works in mysterious ways (corny but true).

& dammitt Roger take care of yourself!!  or I'll ... I'll  ... well uh I don't know what I'll do dammitt!!!


oh & btw?  what are those little sparklies?  I see them in the shower sometimes & in other places too - they kind of float around before my eyes?
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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2009, 01:21:17 pm »
I don't think whether or not you can bang teenagers was the point of the rant.
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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2009, 01:39:34 pm »
I usually get those sparklies when I'm not getting enough oxygen, maybe watch out about that :?


I don't think whether or not you can bang teenagers was the point of the rant.

Really? I thought that was the point of all the rants on PD.com

Also, Roger, here's hoping you don't stop shitting your hate everywhere.
It's not trolling, it's just satire.

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Re: Rev Roger, Sermon #63: Too Old to Rock N Roll
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2009, 01:42:05 pm »
I don't think whether or not you can bang teenagers was the point of the rant.

My bad - I made a tongue in cheek, throwaway comment, forgetting that it might inspire our resident motivational councillor to try and make me feel good about himself  :x
I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it’s not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn’t matter." -- Max Tegmark