As some of you may know, one of the things the POEE (Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric) came up with was the True and Holy Fact that every man, woman and child is a pope (“so please treat them right”). Some people wonder what’s up with that. Well, I’ll tell you what that means to me.* 1. It pisses off the Catholics (not that hard, but fun anyway).2. It causes mild confusion in cabbages that can’t get their head around the idea of multiple, non-Catholic popes.3. It is a fairly precise and concise slice of what it means to be Discordian.

Perhaps I should expand/expound on that third one. To wit: The Christian Catholic Path teaches that Jesus gave unto Peter the earthly access of heaven’s kingdom (Matt.16:18-19: “And I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld will not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”).

Stemming from this tradition, the Pope has become the singular conduit of God’s will on earth, having final say on moral, ethical, and spiritual matters. Their will in such matters is not to be denied.

Well, Discordians aren’t down with that. They are typically skeptical of any dogmatic authority (or, for that matter, any authority assumed rather than requested). To a Discordian, the self is the final arbiter of moral, ethical, and spiritual behavior. It would simply not do to have some old guy in a funny hat ordering me not to have fun, “just because”. I, Myself, am the key to Heaven, and the Gate; I am the Jailor; I am the Prisoner; and I am Free.

But you see, this applies to everyone. My papal edicts do not affect you, if you so choose, because you are the Pope, as well. Of course, you all know what happens when two popes disagree: SCHISM! And in that chasm awaits the One True Goddess, Eris.

And there’s nothing better than looking into the Eris’ Crack.

*It should be pointed out that, of course, I speak for myself, the One True Pope of the First Church of Last Exit Before Toll. Other popes can damn well speak for themselves, if they so choose.