News:

All you can say in this site's defence is that it, rather than reality, occupies the warped minds of some of the planet's most twisted people; gods know what they would get up to if it wasn't here.  In these arguably insane times, any lessening or attenuation of madness is maybe something to be thankful for.

Main Menu

The Barstool Experiment

Started by LHX, June 13, 2006, 05:31:36 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 37
User actions

Fizzwitz Glorypoop

#30
June 16, 2006, 04:01:03 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: Fizzwitz Glorypoop
But then people might think we are violent!


We aren't?

Well, I might've been being facetious.
Fizzwitz Glorypoop, Baroness of Paradox, Episkopos of the Cabal of Innocent Absurdity



"Snorting ground up crows beak off the broken shards of your bathroom mirror might not get you high, but that doesnt mean its not worth doing." - Z3

Prickly

#31
June 16, 2006, 09:04:27 AM
Wow, Roger managed to completely remove any and all humor from this experiment.
Pope Prickly the Pielyamorous Porcupine of the Bent Quarter Cabal and, more recently, the Sunrise If You Dare Cabal

Before the beginning, there was a 50/50 chance of either something or nothing existing. So, something and nothing decided to flip a coin to decide which of them would exist. However, in order for there to be a coin to flip, something had to have already won the toss. Therefore, you only exist because something is a cheating bastard.

LMNO

#32
June 16, 2006, 12:46:22 PM
Well, I liked it.

Michal

#33
June 16, 2006, 02:20:15 PM
I did too.
Reverend-Saint Michal, KSC
Psychotik Lobster Cabal
Guardian of the Eternal Loogie
Sporadic Asshat, Minor Annoyance

Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerFreedom is something you seize.  And you give the people you're seizing it from a fucking rupture.

LMNO

#34
June 16, 2006, 02:22:47 PM
I was expecting it to be a little longer, though.


Maybe that's just because I don't want the fun to ever stop.

Michal

#35
June 16, 2006, 02:29:43 PM
I always enjoy Tigger's work.
Reverend-Saint Michal, KSC
Psychotik Lobster Cabal
Guardian of the Eternal Loogie
Sporadic Asshat, Minor Annoyance

Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerFreedom is something you seize.  And you give the people you're seizing it from a fucking rupture.

East Coast Hustle

#36
June 16, 2006, 06:03:00 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: LMNO
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: Machine Grind DreamEverything is better Gonzo-ized.

Tomorrow, I will do horrible things to the memory of HST via this story.

This is one of the best Ideas I've heard all week.

Efrim and I were in the airport bar, discussing the future of American football, when two men wearing clerical collars walked in.

They sat down, and pretty soon they were discussing the nature of reality, and of heaven and hell, and which swine would go where.  The first mentioned that the barstool next to the one he was sitting on was made of "matter", which is mostly empty space.  The second replied that there was no real proof that the stool even existed, since the senses are simply recording data that may or may not be correct.

Now, while we were paying attention to this, we missed the Raiders throwing yet another interception.  Efrim decided he had had enough, and walked over to the barstool in question.  He picked it up, and said, "I refute it THUS", and began to thrash the two clergymen.  One was knocked into me, and I spilled my drink...so, as he started to get up, I put my cigarette out on his neck.

"That will teach you to mess with serious people", I snarled, and kicked him back onto the floor.  Three TSA goons ran in, and dragged the two screaming ministers away, to some small filthy room where they would be made to explain themselves to all the wrong people.

Efrim sat down, and picked up his drink.  "I hate guys like that", he said, "Reality is anything that can raise a lump on your skull."

"That's because you have no faith in the words of St Augustine", I replied, "You young Turks are all the same".

rah, etc.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#37
June 17, 2006, 01:32:02 AM
:lol:

Best one so far.

Thompson would be proud.

The Good Reverend Roger

#38
June 17, 2006, 04:26:51 AM
Quote from: PricklyWow, Roger managed to completely remove any and all humor from this experiment.

Only to people that are too stupid to understand my 2 previous posts.

Um, that would be YOU. :lol:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

AFK

#39
June 17, 2006, 12:53:22 PM
One fine Maine evening, rife with the buzzing of mosquitos and the nearby substation, Chuck and I decided to put in an appearance at Joe's Hole In The Wall to enjoy our favourite spirits.

It came to be that we once again were discussing the finer, and duller, points of the universe and existence.  It was much more appealing than watching the Red Sox, yet again, implode upon the TV hanging from the ceiling next to the moose carcass.

Meanwhile a couple of chaps down the bar are also embroiled in their own deep discussion.  

"No man, I'm telling you there's a purple monkey right there on your shoulder"  one shouted.

"Dude, there isn't any stinking monkey on my shoulder.  That's just your 12th Rolling Rock talking." replied the other.

At which point Chuck and I had to interject.

"Excuse me my friend.  But what has you so convinced that there is not a purple monkey on your shoulder?"  Chuck asked.

"I ain't your friend freako!  And besides I don't see any monkey here on my shoulder.  You think I'd notice something like that."

"You assume it's your friend's drunken hallucination that is creating the purple monkey in his mind.  Has it ever occurred to you that it may be your drunken hallucination that is cloaking this very real purple monkey that is now urinating on your red flannel shirt?"  I asked of the man.

"I'm telling you man.  He's right there and this dude's right.  He's pissing all over your new shirt man."

"Here," I said.  And I handed him a book and a knife.  "Here's all that you need to see that which you cannot see."

And, as predicted, he proceeded to stab himself in the shoulder.

No one was particularily enlightened and Chuck and I were yet again banned from another bar.

The End.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

East Coast Hustle

#40
June 17, 2006, 04:47:02 PM
:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

good shit.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#41
June 17, 2006, 11:48:23 PM
heh

Prickly

#42
June 19, 2006, 06:47:06 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerOnly to people that are too stupid to understand my 2 previous posts.

Um, that would be YOU. :lol:

Meh, I just thought the other version was a lot better. :P
Pope Prickly the Pielyamorous Porcupine of the Bent Quarter Cabal and, more recently, the Sunrise If You Dare Cabal

Before the beginning, there was a 50/50 chance of either something or nothing existing. So, something and nothing decided to flip a coin to decide which of them would exist. However, in order for there to be a coin to flip, something had to have already won the toss. Therefore, you only exist because something is a cheating bastard.

The Good Reverend Roger

#43
June 19, 2006, 06:53:09 AM
Quote from: Prickly
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerOnly to people that are too stupid to understand my 2 previous posts.

Um, that would be YOU. :lol:

Meh, I just thought the other version was a lot better. :P

Whatever it takes to get you through the night, ma'am.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Reptyle

#44
November 26, 2006, 11:38:28 AM


it was friday night , raining outside, a bunch of soaking wet people some standing, some sitting, all trying to dry out by the fire. I was talking to one of the random people who had managed to find this small corner of the city we all call home. we were discussing the nature of ultimate reality in relation to quantum physics.
"it came down to wave particle duality" i told him."nothing exists until you percive it, which means you create your reality"
he replied with a grin on his face, "so you honestly belive that you created that stool over there?"
"yeah" i said "everything, its a figment of my creative imagination"
he then stood up walked ever so slowly to where the stool was sitting, picked it up and returned.
before i could ask what was his point he screamed "then stop hitting yourself" and proceeded to knock the shit out of me.
before i could think about where i was i awoke to the bustling of a group of people in a small room trying to dry themselves by a fire talking about quantum physics.
the person i was talking to said "so you honestly belive that you created that stool over there?"
i told him i didnt know anything about quantum physics and that i would prefer to walk in the rain than finish this conversation. he was baffled and  annoyed that id avoided the topic, he assumed that it was because i didnt have a seat and i was tired from walking, so he got me a stool to sit on. when i tried to sit down i got a flash of the previous time i had been in this room, the stool dissappeared and i hit the floor, he laughed and said" you gotta make sure you remember it exists, BEFORE you sit down. dont you know anything.

Print
Go Up Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 37
User actions