Ask Bella

[Bella]

Well, then don't even give politeness a second thought.
A mad prophet's gotta do what a mad prophet's gotta do.

I do feel sorry for your poor forehead, though.

[Guido Finucci]

Dear Bella,

When gophers dig holes do they end up with a whole bunch of loose dirt? If so, what do they do with it?

Curious,
Guido

[Bella]

Dear Bella,

When gophers dig holes do they end up with a whole bunch of loose dirt? If so, what do they do with it?

Curious,
Guido

My sister says they give it to her and she makes coffee out of it.
Trust me, her coffee tastes just like gopher dirt.

But I have evidence that indicates they also push the dirt ahead of them,
making a little mound at the end of their tunnels.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Dear Bella,

What is the group known as THEM up to these days, and how can an effective jihad be waged against THEM without spilling margaritas?

[Bella]

THEM changed their name to THEY.
And THEY are everywhere one looks these days.
THEY have their dirty little fingers in everyone elses business.

Just wait until THEY turn their backs and let THEM have it.

I suggest putting your margaritas into one of those little hats with the
curly straws that go directly into your mouth.
That way they won't spill and you'll have both hands empty to deal with THEY.

[Guido Finucci]

But I have evidence that indicates they also push the dirt ahead of them, making a little mound at the end of their tunnels.

If they only end up with a little mound, does that mean that they only make little tunnels?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Dear Bella,

I have devised a device that can launch entire rolls of wet toilet paper, but the problem is that it makes too much damned noise. Should we just throw the damned things ourselves?

[Bella]

If they only end up with a little mound, does that mean that they only make little tunnels?

From what it looks like in my yard, they pop up every few feet along their route and cast up a little mound of dirt. Weird.

[Guido Finucci]

Dear Bella,

I have devised a device that can launch entire rolls of wet toilet paper, but the problem is that it makes too much damned noise. Should we just throw the damned things ourselves?

Dear Hugh,

Your typical spud gun can be cored to fire rolls of wet toilet paper with an effective range of over 300 feet and with a barel extension and a little silencing can be made can be made duck-quiet. Perhaps this is a solution to you problem?

Please remember that soaking the toilet paper in accelerant and launching the burning mass is not to be encouraged in polite company.

Regards,
Guido

Edit: I wrote this post and was had a few Rs left over at the end. If you see one missing, feel free to tack it into place. Thanks. (Spare Rs: r r )

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Toilet paper and accelerant, huh?

There's a worthy idea.

[Guido Finucci]

And the hole in the middle of the roll makes an excellent snuggle nook for 'fuses', 'detonators' or a variety of powdered metal compounds that burn pretty colours at high temperatures once the thing finally falls to rest.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

::plots the next action against unsuspecting group::

[Guido Finucci]

Oh - if you want to put burny stuff in the middle of the roll, I find that the looser (and conveniently cheaper) brands of toilet paper give the best burn and the stuff inside responds well if you skewer the whole ensemble with ten or twelve sparklers. These make the whole thing especially pretty and stop it going out while flying (although the spaklers do mean that the spud gun no longer takes then so you have to resort to throwing, dropping, motars or trebuchets.

[fasboy4001]

if you are using an explosion powerd spud gun, take a spud, stab a few nail hole in it. soak for a few hours in lighter fluid.
launch!


but i still think te air pressure ones are cooler.

[Z³]

Definately. I usually break a sweat when utilizing combustion for anything.