RWHN's Pun House

[AFK]

My dad and step-mom were telling me about some ice cream shop in Maine called Giffords that had won some sort of prize for excellence or something.  I'm not sure on the details because they weren't, either.  They were arguing mildly about the details, but I broke in:  "Hey, I know all the details.  You see, at the beginning of the competition, the head chef guy called in all his little worker bees and gave them all a little speech about excellence and spirit and winning through sheer quality of cream.  Then he wrapped it up by saying, 'Okay, boys, let's win one for the Giffords!'"

I've got one of those shops just down the road from me.  They make, as we say in Maine, wicked good ice cream. 

Nice pun as well. 

[Payne]

They say prison is where a lot of criminals learn how to commit bigger and better crimes. When a prisoner is released, is it appropriate to offer him my congraduations?

[Eve]

Found:

What's an archeologist?
Someone whose career is in ruins.

[Payne]

Found:

What's an archeologist?
Someone whose career is in ruins.

Yeah.... "Found".

Not made up by you at all.

[Eve]

Oh god, if it was mine, I would more than say so.

-Eve,
not clever. not even poorly clever. it's a sad story.

[Suu]

Rome's obsession with bathing is said to be a factor that helped send the empire down the drain.

[AFK]

Hey, so if Monica Lewinsky gets cremated when she dies is that intern-al combustion?

[AFK]

Headline at MSNBC.com:

"Ford says it will accelerate electric car plans."

[Mangrove]

I heard they edited a really juciy sex scene out of 'Twilight'.....


.....fangs for the mammary.

[AFK]

and

[Reginald Ret]

They say prison is where a lot of criminals learn how to commit bigger and better crimes. When a prisoner is released, is it appropriate to offer him my congraduations?

I thought prison is where lots of criminals learn how to commit buggery and better crimes.

[Triple Zero]

http://www.xkcdb.com/?4503

<Deadpool> I made a movie with czechs and acrobats once. The Title?
<Deadpool> czechs and balances.
<AtomicCow> god i love puns!
<Deadpool> czech please!
<Vossy> it's time for me to czech out
<Deadpool> wait I have one more!
<J> another pun? Better czech yourself.
<Deadpool> what time is it when a czechoslovkian leaves a Holiday Inn?
<Vossy> czech out?
<Deadpool> =D
<Deadpool> Someone's heard these before
<Frowardd> what did the cannibal say at the end of his first meal in a restaurant?
<Frowardd> czech please!
<Deadpool> after a 3000 mile trip to eastern europe, what does one do?
<Frowardd> czech in to a hotel?
<Deadpool> czech the oil!!!
<Frowardd> I think I'm in poland
<Frowardd> wait, let me czech the map
<Deadpool> hey, see that villager Frowardd?
<Deadpool> I think they're czeching you out!
<Frowardd> !!!!
<Vossy> finishing a game of chess?
<Frowardd> what do german airplanes throw under the wheels to keep the plane from rolling?
<Vossy> czech mate!
<Deadpool> What does one mark on a european survey?
<Deadpool> a czech box!
<ftr> gah i hate playing bass when my hands are cold
<J> ftr, don't fret...
<AtomicCow> oh my god
<ftr> j: oh for gods sake dont you start
<J> you just need to get a little amped up
<ftr> OPS
<ftr> A LITTLE HELP HERE
<Frowardd> ftr, don't be so high-strung
<ftr> aaaaahhhhhhhhhh
<Vossy> you can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish
<ftr> I KNOW
<creature> ftr: You should be thankful.
<ftr> creature: what for?
<creature> His puns are bad, but his poetry is verse.
<ftr> AAAHHHHHHHHH
<ftr> GOD DAMMIT
<Deadpool> I think we've struck a chord
<J> he's just going to tune us out
<ftr> i swear to god im going to be rocking back and forth in my chair
<Deadpool> rocking one way or the other...
<J> I'm sorry. I'll try to be more chordial from now on.
* ftr goes foetal in the corner and whimpers
<Deadpool> c'mon, we're just trying to touch bass with you
<Vossy> ftr: wake up and face the music
<Frowardd> we're not trying to picka fight
<J> These puns have really changed the tenor of the conversation.
<ftr> seriously, how fucking long can you sad sacks keep this up for
<Frowardd> let's throw it into overdrive
<J> To make puns for this long, you have to b sharp.
<ftr> don't distort the lines
* ftr slaps himself
<Frowardd> you know ftr, it could be worse
<Dark-Fx> I can keep it up as long as I choir to.
<J> Probably only another minuet or two
<Dark-Fx> ftr is being quite percussive
<Deadpool> well, at least we're getting feedback.
<J> Music puns are our forte, it turns out
<Vossy> Ah, but one must be careful not to overplay them
<J> Yeah. We want to stay composed.
<Deadpool> they can get overamped.
<Frowardd> we are conducting ourselves admirably
<Vossy> it's easy to become lost in the music
<Deadpool> We should make sure to be well orchestrated
<J> If only there were some tonic that ftr could take to stop this
<Vossy> Ah, that tonic will not come forth, for it is sub-dominant to our puns :P
<ftr> there is. it goes well with gin. and it makes everything all blurry
<Deadpool> he could take notes.
<Deadpool> or play them
<ftr> oh thank god, ive never been so glad to need to restart my pc in all my life
<J> I guess we harped on it a bit too much
<AtomicCow> I think J is broken
<Deadpool> no no, j is fine.
<J> I'm OK -- this is just a prelude to the real punning.
<Deadpool> he's just getting himself in arrangement
<Dark-Fx> I don't think J thinks at the same tempo as the rest of us.
<J> No, alright, I'm done. These are starting to get a big symphoney.
<AtomicCow> do you black out and just output puns?
<J> You have to admit, though, some of those were suite.
<J> That's not true, you lyre!
<J> OK, I'm really done. Whew.
<Frowardd> that was a good run, fellas
<Frowardd> but you didn't blow up the death star.
<Vossy> finishing with perfect cadence

[AFK]

But, but, I'm Hungary for more!

[LMNO]

That post really gave me the Blues.

[AFK]

Unfortunately for the barista, bean constantly late ended up being grounds for dismissal.