Opening The Fun™ Box

[Thurnez Isa]

Hello,

it has come to our attention that some of you, yes just a small minority, have been starting to have fun on the Internet. And I don't mean the "drinking Coke™ and playing Saturday night bingo" kind of fun. I mean REAL fun.
Well we can't be having any of that now, can we?
You don't have to worry, plans are already in action to put this small minority in their place and assort ourselves as the sole protectorates of free information.

Some of you may be old enough to remember Rock'n Roll, Drive-in theaters, radio, or REAL sports before our reign in these mediums and therefore you already know our modus operandi. But for the rest of you, well, lets just say there is going to be some changes around here.
But don't you worry,
We will provide you with The Fun™.
Hollywood™ will provide 24/7 reality, and we know your dying to know what virtual Jenifer Aniston is wearing at THIS VERY MOMENT. Sony™ will be able to pump to you the hologramic images of the latest wannabe-emo rockers singing about “the Pain.”
and...
can anyone say, “Virtual Shopping Malls”™ complete with pissy low wage cash attendants and all your friends sporting their new skimpy outfits?

And don't worry about all those “bad” people. Those savage barbarians that wail at the gate in a vein attempt to cut out some freedom and creativity from our stench ridden, disintegrating golden cities in the sky. Or the freaks, or the silly. Or the lost spirits who actually have REAL stories to tell. Our new AT&T™ corporate duel network will not only keep them at bay, but give them no more avenues to run to. We have chased these troublemakers long enough. It's time to make them OBSOLETE.

So as you can see we have everything under control, and our war with the savage dregs that threaten your painless ignorance and homogenized existence is coming to an end.
And now we must do on the Internet what we did every other time you started to have some fun without us, but don't worry, we will still give you our FCC™ sponsored Myspace™ account so you wont have an identity crisis.
Hey, who loves ya?

Welcome to the 21st Century fucko,
don't worry if you lose a little skin.

[Jasper]

That's disgusting to me.  Good job.

It will eventually happen though, I bet.  When it does we'll see what we're really made of. 

We can make internets too, yanno.

The main thing is that the war will be fought with words, ideas and people.

[East Coast Hustle]

this gets an official