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Rev Roger, Sermon #60: The Coming Weird Times.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, June 07, 2007, 10:07:26 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

"And he maketh my hands red with war."
- The Book of Leviticus

"And he maketh my nose red with whiskey."
- The Book of Paddy O'Seamus.

HEY!  Looks pretty frickin' good out there, doesn't it?  Iraq is a mess, the Russkis are back (again), Central America hates us (still), the president is still a fool, and John Q Public is too busy watching American Idol to care. Even though it's still better than not enough, it's too much.  Something has to give, and that something may be you!

The Good Reverend has seen all of this before.

Everybody laughed at me when I got my tongue stuck in that printer that one time.  But now the WHOLE COUNTRY has it's tongue in the printer, and Joe is still trying to say how that's okay, how they MEANT to do that.  But even Joe doesn't really believe Joe, anymore.

Yes, friends, these are the End Times,Ñ¢.  These are the Coming Weird Times that Ivan Stang warned us about, befor he ran off to hang out with smelly fat Pagans,Ñ¢ near Cleveland.  Yes, Stang has abandoned us, in the hope of getting some Pagan pubes stuck in his pee-stained dentures, and Robert Anton Wilson is dead....so we're going to have to put our noses to the grindstone and actually do something ourselves.  We gotta GET some HORRIBLE YUKS in before it's TOO LATE!

CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?

Are you ready?  Are you ready to crack horrible jokes about things DECENT PEOPLE won't even BRING UP?  Are you ready to pull one last mindfuck, before the curtain comes down?  Ask yourself this, people...Ten years from now, when you're sitting around the campfire with the other refugees, and the little ones say, "Hey mister!  What did YOU do during the revolution?", what are you going to be able to say?

Will you be able to say "I blew up every Porta-Pottie in Muncie, Indiana"?  Or will you say "I smoked a lot of dope, and wrote some dadaist bullshit on a message board"?  Well, I got NEWS for you little screwheads!  There's no more TIME for dadaism!  The Weird Times are here NOW, friends, they are UPON US!

CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?   

And I have something else to tell you, friends...the time for Keepin' Your Damn Mouths Shut is at an end!  Brag your sins, brothers and sisters!  BRAG YOUR SINS, SO THAT OTHERS MAY TRY THEM!  Just don't brag too specifically.  We DO know, friends, that certain people that we cannot mention by law (The Patriot Act) have occasionally stopped in to check on the square pegs.

In an earlier sermon, I told you people that they were afraid of us.  Now it's up to YOU to remind them WHY.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Doktor Loki

HALLELUJAH, BROTHER!!!

:mittens: :mittens:

The Road of Bones lies before Ye, all that Ye need do is begin the march.
Not a Doctor?  Why, of course I'm a Doctor!  Why else would I have this scalpel?      ~Doctor Mad

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man."
- William Shakespeare

"If you hear crazy voices in your head which tell you to do something, even something evil, YOU'D BETTER FUCKING DO IT BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE GOD." - Soren Keirkegaard

Thurnez Isa

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 07, 2007, 10:07:26 PM

In an earlier sermon, I told you people that they were afraid of us.  Now it's up to YOU to remind them WHY.



:thumb:

Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
Divine power made me, Wisdom supreme, and Primal love.
Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.

Dante

Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

There's no more TIME for dadaism!

There may be no more time for idle dadaist chat... but true dadaism can't be done on a message board... particularly not a message board by Discordians, about Discordians and for Discordians.

HALLELU-Yeah!
- I don't see race. I just see cars going around in a circle.

"Back in my day, crazy meant something. Now everyone is crazy" - Charlie Manson

Michal

There may or may not be some interesting signs posted around a small town somewhere in the northeastern US.

Also, :mittens:
Reverend-Saint Michal, KSC
Psychotik Lobster Cabal
Guardian of the Eternal Loogie
Sporadic Asshat, Minor Annoyance

Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerFreedom is something you seize.  And you give the people you're seizing it from a fucking rupture.

Jasper

Michal and I also plan to Jake Seattle starting later next week. 8)

faust

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 07, 2007, 10:07:26 PM
Brag your sins, brothers and sisters!  BRAG YOUR SINS, SO THAT OTHERS MAY TRY THEM!  Just don't brag too specifically.


In an earlier sermon, I told you people that they were afraid of us.  Now it's up to YOU to remind them WHY.

Or Kill Me.

KEY POINTS OF INTEREST:
Shops climate control.
logged in work pc's

my personal favorite; the staff canteen tv(there was uproar when someone put a password lock on every channel and forgot to tell anyone what it was)

REMEMBER; in a uniform, no back room is off limits.

all electricity meters are hard as hell to reverse/stop, but speeding them up is a not that hard.

your vocal cords are there for a purpose, with them you will never be alone.

ever noticed a key on the wall by automatic doors that people forget to take out in shops

"I love you" should be said to at least one person a day, as is "I hate you" it will cheer you up no end, as will saying "Oh for a hand grenade" and "I wonder how much air is in here" in the appropriate places.

exposed electrical devices such as toasters and have a nasty habit of blowing fuses when combined with lukozade

Cain

My brags will appear in my latest writings (Last Laugh of the Show).

After I get the shit beaten out of me, that is.

Cramulus

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 07, 2007, 10:07:26 PM
Everybody laughed at me when I got my tongue stuck in that printer that one time.

That's true, but I was laughing because I thought someone had finally shot ye. remember?

flashback chime. fade to:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 04, 2007, 06:32:52 PM
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on April 04, 2007, 06:31:55 PM
If, as you were reading this, someone shot you in the back and you only had time to type a brief reply before keeling over dead, what would your last words be?



aaaand
BANG!

"I got my tongue stuck in the printer again."
/flashback

anyway, it's the hapless idiots who will lead us forward. Like colbert and stewart and the president.


QuoteAre you ready?  Are you ready to crack horrible jokes about things DECENT PEOPLE won't even BRING UP? 

I WAS STILLBORN READY!

QuoteAre you ready to pull one last mindfuck, before the curtain comes down?  Ask yourself this, people...Ten years from now, when you're sitting around the campfire with the other refugees, and the little ones say, "Hey mister!  What did YOU do during the revolution?", what are you going to be able to say?

it's partially my fault.

QuoteCAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?   

HALLELUJAH!


Darth Cupcake

:mittens:

MITTENS OF INFINITE FUCK YEAH for you, Mister TGRR, sir.



And a flaming port-a-potty from when I was in Paris. 8)
Be the trouble you want to see in the world.

LMNO


That One Guy

:mittens:

:pax:

I love the TGRR sermons. Nothing like it to get me riled up and moving, so HELL YEAH and HALLELUJAH!
People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

Arguing with a Unitarian Universalist is like mud wrestling a pig. Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it.

East Coast Hustle

Quote from: Felix on June 08, 2007, 12:46:24 AM
Michal and I also plan to Jake Seattle starting later next week. 8)

remember that time about 6 years ago that someone filled all the coin slots in every parking meter between Stewart and James with epoxy resin?

:lulz:

that one NEVER gets old.

ECH,
not saying, just saying
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Cain

Did someone have a lot of time on their hands, by any chance?

Also, its good to have a syringe for such things, as it gets it really deep in.  With locks and stuff, especially.

Not that I condone any such actions, but its well worth noting, if you see suspicious people with syringes about. Of course.

B_M_W

Quote from: East Coast Hustle on June 08, 2007, 05:04:13 PM
Quote from: Felix on June 08, 2007, 12:46:24 AM
Michal and I also plan to Jake Seattle starting later next week. 8)

remember that time about 6 years ago that someone filled all the coin slots in every parking meter between Stewart and James with epoxy resin?

:lulz:

that one NEVER gets old.

ECH,
not saying, just saying

:lulz:

Seattle better watch out. Those two together are lethal.  :lol:
One by one, we break the sheep from their Iron Bar Prisons and expand their imaginations, make them think for themselves. In turn, they break more from their prisons. Eventually, critical mass is reached. Our key word: Resolve. Evangelize with compassion and determination. And realize that there will be few in the beginning. We are hand picking our successors. They are the future of Discordianism. Let us guide our future with intelligence.

     --Reverse Brainwashing: A Guide http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=9801.0


6.5 billion Buddhas walking around.

99.xxxxxxx% forgot they are Buddha.