Generic Subgenius Rant

[tyrannosaurus vex]

There are a lot of sermons going around about the coming Weird Times and the Machine and the Con and why you need to pack an extra set of pantyhose just in case.  These things are all important, and you shouldn't ignore them.

But my topic today isn't about that stuff.  It's about all the ways that THEY will pervert you and teach you to think you're hot shit when, in fact, you are cold, droopy shit with a smell worse than Woodstock the day after.

Friends, there are two great and powerful forces at work in the world today.  Not GOOD and EVIL, not STRONG and WEAK, and -- FUCK YOU, ERIS! -- not ORDER and CHAOS.  These are all false dichotomies and they're all the work of the bad side of what's Really Going On.  No, amigos, if you get caught up in any of these, you're dead wrong!

As I look around this stinking pile of crap you call a "Society," there's only one distinction I've ever been able to make among you people with any kind of recurring accuracy.

There's SLACK,

And then, there's "SLACK."

This probably sounds pretty confusing, doesn't it.  Quit whining, Hippie! The world isn't here to please your underdeveloped sense of logic!  The plain and simple fact is, if you don't know what I'm talking about it's because you've been "SLACKING" too much to SLACK.  So, to help your pea-sized primate cerebrum wrap itself around this terribly CONFUSING topic, I've created a short list of ways you can tell whether your Slack is TRUE.

First of all, SLACK is not living in Mommy & Daddy's basement because it's cheaper than paying rent!  You might think you're saving yourself from a terrible, nasty world when you blow all your extra cash on tube socks and tabletop gaming sets, but guess what, schmucko?  You're just hiding under a rock, squarely in the path of an oncoming bulldozer that won't even notice when it smears your pathetic corpse into the dirt.

Secondly, SLACK is not having "fun" at WORK!  You ought to be ashamed of yourself for even thinking such degenerate thoughts.  If you think a few office jokes to pass the time while you're slowly being ground to a subhuman pulp is going to count for anything on the day you face "Bob" to answer for all your "virtues," you got another thing coming.

SLACK is not saving for "Early Retirement."  That is, unless you enjoy the thought of spending even more of your "Golden Years" sucking cock for a pension that's more dried-up than you are and what's left of that Social Security account.  Face it -- if you're the kind of person who thinks they're going to "retire" someday, you might as well jump off a bridge right now and leave more in those federal coffers for me.

Lastly, SLACK doesn't take the Weekdays off. Ever wonder why, out of seven days a week, you only get two (if you're "lucky") for yourself? Me either.

Now, go forth and examine your life.  Examine everything you do, every day.  Most of the crap you think is "fun" is only there to keep you alive until the next time somebody bends you over. But don't take my word for it, I'm only from the Internets!

[Payne]

Yuo can never have too much hate!

MOAR HATE PLZ!

[The Littlest Ubermensch]

Well, certainly was generic. And Subgenius-y.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Well, certainly was generic. And Subgenius-y.

Somebody doesn't sound very motivated.  Maybe next time I'll have to illustrate my point with jackboots and a fucking grenade launcher, assuming THEY don't get to you first.  Excuse me for not laying it on thick enough to drown your fucking complacency with a mile-deep layer of WAKE THE FUCK UP.

Yuo can never have too much hate!

MOAR HATE PLZ!

Refer to response above.  Better?

[Payne]

It'll do. For now.

Still lacking a certain je ne sais quois, but those are big boots.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I'm new to the hate scene.

[Payne]

Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm not all that good at actually hating either.

I WAS TROLLING YUO THE WHOLE TIME! TRYING TO RILE YUO UP! ETC ETC ETC LOL

[The Littlest Ubermensch]

Well, certainly was generic. And Subgenius-y.

Somebody doesn't sound very motivated.  Maybe next time I'll have to illustrate my point with jackboots and a fucking grenade launcher, assuming THEY don't get to you first.  Excuse me for not laying it on thick enough to drown your fucking complacency with a mile-deep layer of WAKE THE FUCK UP.

I believe there was a recent troll/douchebag with similar tactics. Something about how we were all a bunch of pussies and not TRUE DISCORDIANS, because we "sat on our lazy fat asses" and passing out flyers rather than going out and FUCKING SOME SHIT UP!!!!!!11

Hate is getting kind of old, IMO. It's more than a little cliche by this point.

[Payne]

I wouldn't say so. TGRRs towering hate is still an awesome sight to behold.

A withering put down still brings a tear to my eye, when aesthetically pleasing.

Hate isn't old, it's just that some of us are losing our battles against comfort, and hate doesn't seem as attractive as it used to.

[Cain]

Well, certainly was generic. And Subgenius-y.

Somebody doesn't sound very motivated.  Maybe next time I'll have to illustrate my point with jackboots and a fucking grenade launcher, assuming THEY don't get to you first.  Excuse me for not laying it on thick enough to drown your fucking complacency with a mile-deep layer of WAKE THE FUCK UP.

I believe there was a recent troll/douchebag with similar tactics. Something about how we were all a bunch of pussies and not TRUE DISCORDIANS, because we "sat on our lazy fat asses" and passing out flyers rather than going out and FUCKING SOME SHIT UP!!!!!!11

I wasn't aware I had to choose between one and the other.]

Damn.

This is going to be tough.

[Cramulus]

Right on, Vex!

I'm signing myself up for a Slack transfusion right now. 'Cause I've been finding a lot of "slack" recently, but it's not getting me anywhere. But the last week has been a rollercoasting hotbed of change and activity and I think some exciting shit is finally floating to the top.

What sound does Slack make?
KABOOM!

[Triple Zero]

I WAS TROLLING YUO THE WHOLE TIME! TRYING TO RILE YUO UP! ETC ETC ETC LOL

oh.

you went there.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

i liked that little rant there, son.
very nice.

[Kaienne]

Excellent distinction. Truly, I now feel enlightened.