Property of mission control 000004

[froclown]

Discordianism
Manifesto in Blood
"YEA THOUGH THE LIGHT OF TRUTH SHINETH, IT'S BRIGHTNESS BLINDS THE EYES SUCH THAT ONE MIGHT AS
WELL STUMBLE IN THE DARKNESS"
Pope Froclown Von Hogwasher
We are all Popes, endowed with infallibility from birth, these is no one who can
tell you that your way of doing something is wrong. Everyone is right, no matter what
others say. Science may say one thing, certain religions may disagree, but who says either
are right? You do, because you are a Pope, and whoever you decide to believe in is right.
Two people may have contradicting ideas about what is right, but that doesn't mean both
are true, nor that neither are true. This is relativism, what is true from one persons mind
may be false to another, but it is presumptuous to say that either view is the TRUTH for
everyone. How can anything be true for everyone, when at a minimum, half of what is
perceived is conceived in the individual's mind. When you look at say a tree, your eyes
pick up some, but not all of the light, then your brain, translates some but not all of the
visual signals, then a portion of those signals is sent to the mouth to from the word tree.
Since it is impossible that two minds be identical, and much of the perceived signals are
meaningless to the sensory system, then it must be that everyone has a slightly different
perspective on what is true about tree, as well as everything else.
With that in mind, look at society. What does society do? It classifies things into
true and false, and try to make everyone fit into a category. If everyone is different, then
how can there be categories of people who are the same? How can anyone ever live up to
any standard and still remain an individual free thinker? The answer is you can't and
that's just what modem society wants, people who all act in similar mechanistic ways, so
that it can produce a system that constantly create and moves around junk, so that those
running the system become more powerful. Yet, even those in power have their niche in
keeping the society running, they are just part of the system like everyone else. What has
been done with modem democracy, is that a complex system has been set up, where the
dictators of monarchies have been replaced by a complex system were "the people" have
become the tyrant. The people does not refer to the individual, but rather to the system as
a whole
The individual is the one thing that the system fears, so it is set up in such a way
as to make sure no one can think for themselves. First off, from childhood, people are
told to always obey authority figures, even if you know they are wrong, in affect teaching
children that the system is always right. Schools have become less like the institutes of
learning they were meant to be, and more like training for society. Children are forced to
walk in lines, and ask permission to use the toilet, sponsoring the idea that the system is
even in control of natural needs. The material taught in classes is not subjects that
interest the individual student, but rather a field of subjects which serve to make the
student more readily useful to society. Students are encouraged by "good grades" if they
learn to adapt their class work and studies to the standardized material, rather than
thinking for them selves or being creative. This is obviously to make students realize that
what they think doesn't matter, unless it is also what the society thinks.
Once out in society people are expected to behave in a certain ways, if they use
the wrong greeting, hop on one foot, wear their close backwards, or break any
other social norm, they are shunned by others. People are expected to agree on what
measuring units to use, i.e. in the US it is considered wrong to say I need 3 liters of
Gasoline. People are expected to accept as valuable little green pieces of paper, and
numbers that appear after swiping a card. None of these things mean anything to the
individual. Before being conditioned, measuring gas in gallons is no better than litters,
wearing close forward or backwards made no difference. Nothing was considered weird,
because no one had told you what society expected you to believe was normal.
We call our selves Discordians for two reasons, first is because it is after the
name of the Roman goddess of Discord, and because as opposed to what the system
wants, accordance with society, we wish to be at discordance with society. We chose to
worship Discordia, not as the Romans and Greeks did, but a symbol of Gods true nature,
we see God as a being with a sense of humor, who instead of having a plan, prefers to
just play around with the world, and see what happens. It is the conflicts which occur
because of randomness and unpredictability that make life worth living. If everything
were part of some big plan, as society wants it to be, then everyone would be like parts of
a machine, and everyone would have a function and they would just do that and die. The
latter case is not much fun. To keep ourselves safe from such unwanted order that man
imposes on us, we disassociate ourselves from man made rules. This means that we don't
just not do something, because it is not something people do. We wear weird hats, and
rant and rave about strange things that defy logic, in public places. We disregard the
rules, we are the people and we make the rules, so if you disagree with a rules, then by all
means don't follow it.
The society needs you, more than you need society. The best example I can give
for this is currency. Here in the US that's Dollars, you know those little pieces of paper
everyone carries around. Have you ever wondered why they have any value, it's because
people believe they have value and will just accept that as a conviction. Well, are you not
a person? Is not every individual a person? Then what you should do is refuse to accept
money as valid, just pretend it's an IOU from someone you don't trust. That's exactly
what it is, an IOU from the government, promising to pay you back with more lOUs.
Refuse to allow anyone to pay you with money, it's worthless, ask for something else
instead, like pine cones. If people believe that pine cones have value then they have just
as much value as US bank notes, and they smell nicer.
       No one need be a slave, "Do What Thou Wilt", particularly if it may be weird.
Society will do whatever it can to enslave you, but the one thing it can't classify away is
the individual human being. Think for yourself, as soon as you start believe what they tell
you without questioning it, you have stepped into the trap. You will be classified,
branded, and lead around like a sheep. "Question Everything?" Never hold any
convictions, they only lead to trouble. A conviction is a generalization based the past, or
what others have told you. It is wiser to treat ever situation as individual and never relay
on convictions as more than suggestions.
There is no Truth, there is no right thing to do. Go do what is you want to do,
don't fall for the things that others tell you are True, and Right, because they only know
what is true and right for themselves. Society is an attempt to create objective truths that
are true for everyone, but if you don't believe there should nor can be any objective truth,
then why should the rules made by someone else apply to you? They don't so if you
disagree with anything anyone else says, realize that it may be right for them, but not for
you. If it appears that they only believe it is right, because society has tricked them, then
see if you can prompt them to question this belief, but never force your own on them.
Forcing your beliefs on others makes you know better than the society that you have
escaped from. So, if you want. Join the Discordian Society, no fancy rituals, just
proclaim yourself what ever you want, and do what you like. All Hail Discordia


A word from our sponsor.
"You have created psychic suits of armor and clad in them, your flesh is bruised and your spirit broiled in the sun. I am Chaos. I am the substance from which your artist and scientist build rhymes, and I have come to tell you that you are free." Eris Discordia

ESCAPE
You who read this now, believe it or not, are not free!
Laws and rules that simply do not exist cage you. How can someone who is free, be
forced to use collective measuring units? How can you be free, if you are pressured
by threats of isolation and possible resulting poverty death, to go to college and get a
specific kind of job? How can you be free, so long as the society praises select
groups that practice what are deemed acceptable behaviors, and merits alienation of
anyone who deviates from those acceptable practices? As you can see, you are
forced, by society, to behave in certain ways. The reason that you don't realize this
is because you have been conditioned to obey these rules, your whole life. You have
been born into a prison that you can't even see. You are now thinking, these rules
must serve a useful purpose; well you would be right. The question we must ask
ourselves, is "Who is benefiting from these rules?" Well, who do you think would
benefit from restricting individual thought, and organizing the masses into an
orderly and controllable group? Obviously, the individual doesn't benefit from
loosing freedom, so there must be some one behind the scenes who does benefit.
People with power, such as politicians and big businesses, have a lot to gain, if they
can predict how people will act. All laws that restrict your personal freedoms, are
the work of vast global conspiracies, that what you to be docile, controllable, and
predictable. They employ such methods of mind control, general mental
programming from birth, subtle discrepancies in wording (i.e. Types), subliminal
messages, and blatant key symbol regression (i.e. Fnord). To free yourself, just do
what you want. It's that simple; do feel obligated to do anything, just because others
do it that way or because it's always done that way. Do not think that just because
one way seems to be the easiest or best way, it's the only way. Remember the urge to
do things the best or easiest way was also created by "Them". Instead ask your self,
is this the most creative way to accomplish this task, not that accomplishing the task
need necessarily be a motivation. "They" would like nothing better than for you to
be motivated by progress. "They" want everyone to work like cogs in their
machine, a machine created to serve them, at the expense of the workers. If you stop
doing what "They" want, you will be like a wrench thrown into their gears. If
enough people stop being cogs, and start throwing wrenches, " "They" will not
longer have any power, and mankind shall truly be free. Lets us now band together
and Escape from the clutches of "Them". Step one- Do something weird. Step two-
Do everything weird. Step three- Do not believe a word you just read. Step Four-
Disregard step three. Step Pi- Ask for a glass of boiling Pepsi, and a six pack of
sandwiches, with Ice-cream toppings, sop up as much Pepsi with the sandwiches as
possible. Then write a poem about, soggy Ice cream laden sandwiches, in blood.
Then try to pay for your meal with the poem and a box of nickels that have been
painted green.


"Cartesian dualism destroyed my belief in the sanctity crackers" Prime M. Gitcho II
Article  Section Z
Hop on a Train to Delaware, Because Those Wires are Frayed
I speak to you with honor and truth, of the time, soon approaching. The age of
spiny coke-bottles. During this time the sky will fill with microwave dinners and all
cathode ray tubes will fully implode creating black-holes, which will vanish after 3.2 sec.
Just enough time to ruin a perfectly good family room. This day will follow the fifth day
of inverted appliances. First the small gadgets can openers, and the like will be found in
an upside-down position. Then the toasters, coffee pots, and finally on the fifth day the
refrigerator. The odd fact about this is that while me fridge itself is upside-down, the food
inside will remain right side up, save for bottles of coke. Of course these objects are the
cause of this mess, and can be blamed. I would suggest that you write out your complaint
about Coke bottles destroying your house, in triplicate, and sending one to the pentagon,
save one to send to the Cola factories after the even occurs, and send one to a stranger at
random. All of this is of course completely worthless, but may give you something to do
while you await the impending doom.
          In the meaningless town of Hereville, MI the coke bottles have assembled to
discuss the best means of dominating the ape-like creatures that torment them. They had
already under the direction of the grand high cheese grater, increased the deposit return
for Michigan, in order that they would all arrive in one place for this very meeting. By
caffeineting their contents they had the humans controlled through addiction, yet the
bottles themselves were dependant on man, for everything from getting around, to being
filled. The bottles griped that they had very little choice over where they went, or what
the got filled with. They wanted to move on their own accord, yet after ten years of
rigorous mental exercises, they found that they had no ability to move themselves. One
bottle by the name of Grating Ply, who was the most adept at PK, could move slightly,
though qe only did it once. Qe moved just enough that a pack of stray dogs tripped over
qim, which in turn knocked Qim in front of a zambonie machine. Their collective
work as a lyrical poem entitled, "Walking With Your Mind," which was passed
down orally through the years. This was simply because they being bottles, they
couldn't write clearly.
      In the year 1984 a Young bottle of new coke, named Jirl Mechatal was sitting
alone practicing his mental powers, when a flash of inspiration hit him, actually it was a
hockey stick. The hockey player returned this time Jirl was so distraught over being hit
again, that he was able to send a wrench flying, it knocked the stick from the player's
hands, thus saving Jirl. Jirl summoned a welcome mat, which flipped him right side up.
He had discovered that even if he himself couldn't move, at least he could move other
objects, to his aid. Thus began the Psychic Coke bottle Revolution, Which became known
as the event so unexpected, that Even George Orwell overlooked it.

Enlightening the Armadillo
It was a warm day in the season of Discord when Mr. Pants, left his old job as a cow
inspector, in New York, For his new job, putting reflective tape on bicycles, in Dark Valley,
Texas. Well, after 8 hours of peeling tape, and sticking it to cheaply made Japanese bikes, his
shift had finally ended, but he found he couldn't see to get to his car, as it was very dark, and the
factory was too cheap to hire someone to light the lamps. Well, While he was wondering around
in the dark, trying to find his car, an armadillo got under his foot and sent him falling to the
ground. He tried to shake his first at the notorious varmint, but found he couldn't, since his arm
was broken. The next day he asked the manager if he could use some of the tape to stick to the
armadillos, so no one else would get hurt, the manager replied, "I can't give you that much tape,
it's expensive, besides it well, err, ah. frankly, it doesn't stick to animals." Mr. Pants decided to
try putting candles on they're backs, but this practice usually killed the animals, and started allot
of fires, this resulted in the factory being frequented by Firemen and animal rights protesters,
they soon but a stop to the candle method.
Mr. Pants decided that he needed help, so he went to the plant's research and
development lab. Upon entering, he was approached by a short man who appeared to be lined in
tin foil," The names Professor FroClown TM." when the shook hands, Mr. Pants received a
tremendous shock. Laughing Maniacally, FroClown shouted "We call that electricity, very
interesting, it's quite remarkable, don't you agree" "Egad, that hurt like hell, but what good is it"
replied Pants. The scientists all ran up and started talking at once; giving long complicated
lectures, about electrons, and light speed, Electromagnetic induction. Then they gave
demonstrations, which consisted of various contraptions that fried small animals, in unique ways.
However Mr. Pants was more interested to the huge sparks created by a primitive arc-welding
device.
He soon adapted the device so that he could attach it to the armadillos. The only problem
was that the huge sparks that were produced, were so bright that employees would get blinded
and wonder around aimlessly, often bouncing off walls.
When a visiting Scientist came to town, it wasn't long before he got word Pants' crazy
inventions, and realized he could help solve his problem. He introduced himself as Thomas
Edison and displayed his new invention. He called it a "light bulb" and said it could produce just
enough light for the job, and lasted a long time, while running on the batteries from the spark
contraption. After all the Bulbs were in place, Edison was up $5000 and pant's never tripped
over an armadillo again

[Messier Undertree]

  Hey froclown, do you know what happed? Oh, by the way, this is nothing to do with
  this thread. I went to Yoshinoya the other day. YOSHINOYA! And there were
  so crowded and I couldn’t even find a place to sit. Then, I found the
  advertising saying “150 yen off!.” My goodness! How come you are all coming,
  and sitting at Yoshinoya for just “150 yen off?” I saw a familie, like four
  of them with their kids. This guy’s saying “All right, your dad is ordering
  an extra large bowl.” What a pathetic! Hey you bastards. I can give my 150
  yen. So, just give me a break alright? Yoshinoya should be a place where
  people are fighting, like two jerks facing on each other against “U shaped
  table,” then one of them can be stubbed to death by any chance. This is how
  Yoshinoya’s suppose to. This ain’t a place for no woman and no kid. Alright,
  I finally found a place to sit. Then, the jerk next to me was ordering a
  large size with putting extra juice on it. That pissed me off once again.
  Hey jerk, we ain’t order “putting extra juice on a bowl” no more today!
  What a stupid you looked: ordering extra juice with his goofy face! Do you
  really want to eat a beef bawl with extra juice on it? I really want to ask
  you, interrogating you for an hour. Don’t you just want to say “an extra
  juice!?” As a professional Yoshinoya customer, I would rather order “extra
  scallions.” This is the coolest way. You get more scallions, and less beefs.
  This is it! It can be the best, if you put a raw egg on it. No one can beat
  this. But you have to be careful because if you order this way, the Yoshinoya
  employees gonna put you on their black lists. This can be so dangerous,
  like a risk of fighting with a double edged blade. So, I don’t recommend
  the beginners to do this... froclown, you’d rather ordering some ordinary set menu
  instead.

[LMNO]

In The Beginning, when Pope Weasel and myself first formulated the idea of
collaborating on a project, we knew it would be very difficult to integrate our results.
Instead of trying to do a descent job of integration, I suggested that we just write a bunch
of random chapters, having little to do with each other, so that the whole book would be a
jumble of nonsense.