Property of mission control (one)

[froclown]

Pope Froclown Von Hogwasher & Pope Goes the Weasel
Present
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Warning
Read at Your Own Risk
If you feel the need to sue us,
If you feel we have wronged you,
If you wish to compliment us,
If you are a walrus in a tuxedo,
If you like our floral design,
If you like to ingest small light bulbs,
If you want an excuse to kill someone,
If you wish to play a game of sink,
If you are J.R. "Bob" Dobbs,
If you in any way wish to bother us, DON'T!
We don't want to hear about it.
Now If you want to send us donations, now that's
different. Send donations in care of the Cabal of
Shiny Meatloaf.
We will accept donations of any kind; money, poems,
pictures, wheel barrows, pound cakes, you name it,
we'll take it, and put it to good use.
Pope Froclown Von Hogwasher, Administer of Free
Stuff.


Beware, Least this happen to you, Read carefully!
Introduction part one.
In The Beginning, when Pope Weasel and myself first formulated the idea of
collaborating on a project, we knew it would be very difficult to integrate our results.
Instead of trying to do a descent job of integration, I suggested that we just write a bunch
of random chapters, having little to do with each other, so that the whole book would be a
jumble of nonsense. He agreed, and thus was the beginning of this collection of stories
and essays, not to be thought of as a book, but rather as the results of an experiment
which is exclusively the Property of Mission Control.
Part two-Proper Usage.
When viewing this book, do not attempt to separate truth from falsehood, because
as with accordance with Discordian style and reference to truth, wisdom and knowledge
are strictly relative to the mind interpreting it. Whatever objective ideas one may have
about these concepts should be checked at the door, before removing this wholly text
from its sacred toaster oven. (More about this under the heading care and feeding of your
new book). Do not use in a darkened room, this may hinder reading ability and cause,
dizziness, headaches, and bad eyesight. Do not use for toilet paper, rolling paper, fire
kindling, lining cat boxes, or as a weather-vein, etc. May not interface well with small
electrical appliances, such as blenders, microwaves, or garbage disposals. In case of
accidental ingestion, don't worry, the radioactive ink has a half-life of only 5 years.
Part 3 Care and Feeding.
As with any decision, you have taking up many new responsibilities when you
decided to adopt this book. This is no ordinary text; it is not to be treated like an old shoe
tossed out for the gulls to peck at. Hell no, it deserves respect and a nice warm place to
sleep. First, I should mention feeding, what to feed your book, and when. What are you a
complete idiot? Don't ever try to feed your book! This means any kind of food, dog
treats, hot-dogs, hamster pellets, etc. I don't care if you think it looks sad, or hungry, even
if it begs for table scraps, just remember "DO NOT FEED THE BOOK". Ok it would
however like to be kept warm. It should be kept at 65F, never more or less. Do not place
your book in the freezer, this would be wrong. Never try to bake your book, this is also
wrong. It is best if you keep your book in a nice cave, of science lab with a temperature
regulator. If you these are out of the question, you should use an incubator, of toaster
over, with a 65F temp setting. Wherever it is that you decide to keep your book, make
sure it's not too dry, or humid. Then wrap the book in cellophane, dip in wax, and lastly
inscribe the words sacred on the temp regulation devise. Always be careful when
removing the wax, as to not scuff this the most sacred of books, and prepare for the
insanity which is PROPERTY of MISSION CONTROL.

[Triple Zero]

dude you might wanna keep this stuff to just one thread, please?

[froclown]

it didn't fit on one thread

So I used 8 of them.

Blame The admins for restricting post length.

Somtimes she drips in a little at a time, if you try to keep her out

[Messier Undertree]

Er... you can post more than once in a thread.

Or you could like, not post at all.

[Triple Zero]

it didn't fit on one thread

So I used 8 of them.

Blame The admins for restricting post length.

Somtimes she drips in a little at a time, if you try to keep her out

you can reply to your own thread and most a longer story.

[Triple Zero]

POST.

[Messier Undertree]

MOST

[Payne]

VARIOUS OTHER WORDS THAT RHYME, LIKE GHOST, TOAST AND BOAST!

[Cain]

Uh, people, the content of the rant, please?

[Kimmy Gibbler]

Uh, people, the content of the rant, please?

two pages of PROPERTY OF MISSION CONTROL!  to;dr

[LMNO]

In The Beginning, when Pope Weasel and myself first formulated the idea of
collaborating on a project, we knew it would be very difficult to integrate our results.
Instead of trying to do a descent job of integration, I suggested that we just write a bunch
of random chapters, having little to do with each other, so that the whole book would be a
jumble of nonsense.

Actually, I endorse this project.


I don't know why.  Perhaps I'm sick.

[Mangrove]

The Illuminati.
I AM now arrived at what I should call the great epoch of Cosmo-politism, the scheme communicated to Baron Knigge by the Marchese di Constanza. This obliges me to mention a remarkable Lodge of the Eclectic Masonry, erected at Munich in Bavaria, in 1775, under the worshipful Master, Professor Baader. It was called The Lodge Theodore of Good Counsel. It had its constitutional patent from the Royal York at Berlin, but had formed a particular system of its own, by instructions from the Loge des Chevaliers Bienfaisants at Lyons, with which it kept up a correspondence. This respect to the Lodge at Lyons had arisen from the preponderance acquired in general by the French party in the convention at Willemstad. The deputies of the Rosaic Lodges, as well as the remains of the Templars, and Stricten Observanz, all looking up to this as the mother Lodge of what they called the Grand Orient de la France, consisting (in 1782) of 266 improved Lodges, united under the D. de Chartres. Accordingly the Lodge at Lyons sent Mr. Willermooz as deputy to this convention at Willemsbad. Refining gradually on the simple British Masonry, the Lodge had formed a system of practical morality, which it asserted to be the aim of genuine Masonry, saying, that a true Mason, and a man of upright heart and active virtue, are synonymous characters, and that the great aim of Free Masonry is to promote the happiness of mankind by every mean in our power. In pursuance of these principles, the Lodge Theodore professedly occupied itself with œconomical, statistical, and political matters, and not only published from time to time discourses on such subjects by the Brother Orator, but the Members considered themselves as in duty bound to propagate and inculcate the same doctrines out of doors.

p. 58

Of the zealous members of the Lodge Theodore the most conspicuous was Dr. Adam Weishaupt, Professor of Canon Law in the university of Ingolstadt. This person had been educated among the Jesuits; but the abolition of their order made him change his views, and from being their pupil, he became their most bitter enemy. He had acquired a high reputation in his profession, and was attended not only by those intended for the practice in the law-courts, but also by the young gentlemen at large, in their course of general education; and he brought numbers from the neighbouring states to this university, and gave a ton to the studies of the place. He embraced with great keenness this opportunity of spreading the favorite doctrines of the Lodge, and his auditory became the seminary of Cosmopolitism. The engaging pictures of the possible felicity of a society where every office is held by a man of talents and virtue, and where every talent is set in a place fitted for its exertion, forcibly catches the generous and unsuspecting minds of youth, and in a Roman Catholic state, far advanced in the habits of gross superstition (a character given to Bavaria by its neighbours) and abounding in monks and idle dignitaries, the opportunities must be frequent for observing the inconsiderate dominion of the clergy, and the abject and indolent submission of the laity. Accordingly Professor Weishaupt says, in his Apology for Illuminatism, that Deism, Infidelity, and Atheism are more prevalent in Bavaria than in any country he was acquainted with. Discourses, therefore, in which the absurdity and horrors of superstition and spiritual tyranny were strongly painted, could not fail of making a deep impression. And during this state of the minds of the auditory the transition to general infidelity and irreligion is so easy, and so inviting to sanguine youth, prompted perhaps by a latent wish that the restraints which religion imposes on the expectants of a future state might be found, on enquiry, to be nothing but groundless terrors; that I imagine it requires the most anxious care of the public teacher to keep the minds of his audience impressed with the reality and importance of the great truths of religion, while he frees them from the shackles of blind and absurd superstition. I fear that this celebrated instructor had none of this anxiety, but was satisfied with his great success in the last part of this task, the emancipation of his young hearers from the terrors of

p. 59

superstition. I suppose also that this was the more agreeable to him, as it procured him the triumph over the Jesuits, with whom he had long struggled for the direction of the university.



This was in 1777. Weishaupt had long been scheming the establishment of an Association or Order, which, in time, should govern the world. In his first fervour and high expectations, he hinted to several Ex-Jesuits the probability of their recovering, under a new name, the influence which they formerly possessed, and of being again of great service to society, by directing the education of youth of distinction, now emancipated from all civil and religious prejudices. He prevailed on some to join him, but they all retracted but two. After this disappointment Weishaupt became the implacable enemy of the Jesuits; and his sanguine temper made him frequently lay himself open to their piercing eye, and drew on him their keenest resentment, and at last made him the victim of their enmity.



The Lodge Theodore was the place where the above-mentioned doctrines were most zealously propagated. But Weishaupt's emissaries had already procured the adherence of many other Lodges; and the Eclectic Masonry had been brought into vogue chiefly by their exertions at the Willemsbad convention. The Lodge Theodore was perhaps less guarded in its proceedings, for it became remarkable for the very bold sentiments in politics and religion which were frequently uttered in their harangues; and its members were noted for their zeal in making proselytes. Many bitter pasquinades, satires, and other offensive pamphlets were in secret circulation, and even larger works of very dangerous tendency, and several of them were traced to that Lodge. The Elector often expressed his disapprobation of such proceedings, and sent them kind messages, desiring them to be careful not to disturb the peace of the country, and particularly to recollect the solemn declaration made to every entrant into the Fraternity of Free Masons, "That no subject of religion or politics shall ever be touched on in the Lodge;" a declaration which alone could have procured his permission of any secret assembly whatever, and on the sincerity and honor of which he had reckoned when he gave his sanction to their establishment. But repeated accounts

p. 60

of the same kind increased the alarm, and the Elector ordered a judicial enquiry into the proceedings of the Lodge Theodore.



It was then discovered that this and several associated Lodges were the nursery or preparation-school for another Order of Masons, who called themselves the ILLUMINATED, and that the express aim of this Order was to abolish Christianity, and overturn all civil government. But the result of the enquiry was very imperfect and unsatisfactory. No Illuminati were to be found. They were unknown in the Lodge. Some of the members occasionally heard of certain candidates for illumination called MINERVALS, who were sometimes seen among them. But whether these had been admitted, or who received them, was known only to themselves. Some of these were examined in private by the Elector himself. They said that they were bound by honor to secrecy: But they assured the Elector, on their honor, that the aim of the Order was in the highest degree praiseworthy, and useful both to church and state: But this could not allay the anxiety of the profane public; and it was repeatedly stated to the Elector, that members of the Lodge Theodore had unguardedly spoken of this Order as one that in time must rule the world. He therefore issued an order forbidding, during his pleasure, all secret assemblies, and shutting up the Mason Lodges. It was not meant to be rigorously enforced, but was intended as a trial of the deference of these Associations for civil authority. The Lodge Theodore distinguished itself by pointed opposition, continuing its meetings; and the members, out of doors, openly reprobated the prohibition as an absurd and unjustifiable tyranny.



In the beginning of 1783, four professors of the Marianen Academy, founded by the widow of the late Elector, viz. Utschneider, Cossandey, Renner, and Grunberger, with two others, were summoned before the Court of Enquiry, and questioned, on their allegiance, respecting the Order of the Illuminati. They acknowledged that they belonged to it, and when more closely examined, they related several circumstances of its constitution and principles. Their declarations were immediately published, and were very unfavorable. The Order was said to abjure Christianity, and

p. 61

to refuse admission into the higher degrees to all who adhered to any of the three confessions. Sensual pleasures were restored to the rank they held in the Epicurean philosophy. Self-murder was justified on Stoical principles. In the Lodges death was declared an eternal sleep; patriotism and loyalty were called narrow-minded prejudices, and incompatible with universal benevolence; continual declamations were made on liberty and equality as the unalienable rights of man. The baneful influence of accumulated property was declared an insurmountable obstacle to the happiness of any nation whose chief laws were framed for its protection and increase. Nothing was so frequently discoursed of as the propriety of employing, for a good purpose, the means which the wicked employed for evil purposes; and it was taught, that the preponderancy of good in the ultimate result consecrated every mean employed; and that wisdom and virtue consisted in properly determining this balance. This appeared big with danger; because it appeared that nothing would be scrupled at, if we could make it appear that the Order could derive advantage from it, because the great object of the Order was held as superior to every consideration. They concluded by saying that the method of education made them all spies on each other and on all around them. But all this was denied by the Illuminati. Some of them were said to be absolutely false; and the rest were said to be mistakes. The apostate professors had acknowledged their ignorance of many things. Two of them were only Minervals, another was an Illuminatus of the lowest class, and the fourth was but one step farther advanced. Pamphlets appeared on both sides, with very little effect. The Elector called before him one of the superiors, a young nobleman, who denied these injurious charges, and said that they were ready to lay before his Highness their whole archives and all constitutional papers.

Notwithstanding all this, the government had received such an impression of the dangerous tendency of the Order, that the Elector issued another edict, forbidding all hidden assemblies; and a third, expressly abolishing the Order of Illuminati. It was followed by a search after their papers. The Lodge Theodore was immediately searched, but none

p. 62

were to be found. They said now that they had burnt them all, as of no use, since that Order was at an end.



It was now discovered, that Weishaupt was the head and founder of the Order. He was deprived of his Professor's chair, and banished from the Bavarian States; but with a pension of 800 florins, which he refused. He went to Regensburg, on the confines of Switzerland. Two Italians, the Marquis Constanza and Marquis Savioli, were also banished, with equal pensions (about L. 40) which they accepted. One Zwack, a counsellor, holding some law-office, was also banished. Others were imprisoned for some time. Weishaupt went afterwards into the service of the D. of Saxe Gotha, a person of a romantic turn of mind, and whom we shall again meet with. Zwack went into the service of the Pr. de Salms, who soon after had so great a hand in the disturbances in Holland.



By destroying the papers, all opportunity was lost for authenticating the innocence and usefulness of the Order. After much altercation and paper war, Weishaupt, now safe in Regensburg, published an account of the Order, namely, the account which was given to every Novice in a discourse read at his reception. To this were added, the statutes and the rules proceeding, as far as the degree of Illuminatus Minor, inclusive. This account he affirmed to be conform to the real practice of the Order. But this publication did by no means satisfy the public mind. It differed exceedingly from the accounts given by the four professors. It made no mention of the higher degrees, which had been most blamed by them. Besides, it was alleged, that it was all a fiction, written in order to lull the suspicions which had been raised (and this was found to be the case, except in respect of the very lowest degree.) The real constitution was brought to light by degrees, and shall be laid before the reader, in the order in which it was gradually discovered, that we may the better judge of things not fully known by the conduct of the leaders during the detection. The first account given by Weishaupt is correct, as far as I shall make use of it, and shows clearly the methods that were taken to recommend the Order to strangers.



The Order of ILLUMINATI appears as an accessory