Souper Tuesday

[AFK]

"Lindsey Graham is certainly close enough to John McCaine to die of anal poisoning" -- Rush Limbaugh, M.D.

Well, my friends, it seems quite clear that even the Republicans and the Democrats are less then thrilled with their options this year.  You've got approximately 50% of the Republican Party that wishes John McCain were still strapped to that bed in Nam, and the other 50% who, well, they just want to win.  They'd support Carrot Top if they thought he had a viable chance to beat the Democratic nominee.  Meanwhile, their alternatives are Mitt "Magic Pance" Romney and Mike "God is my Constitutional Scholar" Huckabee.  No, I haven't forgotten about Ron Paul, but I'm pretty sure the Republican Party wishes they could.

So now what do we have on the other side of the aisle.  The Democrats are all fucked up.  The idea of nominating the someone who could prove to be the first Female President is very appealing of course.  But, well, it's Hillary Clinton.  Oh and of course Bubba will be coming along to.  I'm sure the Democratic members of the Ethics Committee are just foaming at the mouth for that scenario.  It's kind of like when you go to the bulk-store and you really want to get that box of Lucky Charms, but they've packaged it with Product 19.  Is it really worth it?  Meanwhile, there's also the monumentous opportunity to nominate someone who has a viable shot at becoming the first African American President.  But, well, it's Barack Obama.  Oh sure, he's a great talker and is a very adept wordsmith (or whoever it is who writes his speeches).  But is Tom What's-His-Name from Iran going to back down to someone so green and untested?  Also, he can't just simply write "Present" on bills and call it good.  He'll actually have to make a decision.  And so will the Democrats.

So who's going to come out of this mess.  Who knows.  Probably McCain and Hillary.  We kept hearing the last election cycle about the "Mandate" the Democrats received after winning both houses of Congress.  Yeah, look how well that worked out for them.  But what are these candidates going to do when they can't even get mandates from their own parties?  Independents have SOME voice in SOME states, but so far they seem to be split between McCain and Obama.  But clearly, they haven't made up their mind either.

Because we've got a truly lackluster crop of candidates here.  There is so much gaming going on that it's hard to see where they really stand and what they'd really do if elected.  We know what they will do to get elected, whatever it takes.  In this 24/7 news cycle era we live in they have to watch every word uttered.  Those with the strongest stated stances on issues, the Ron Pauls, Dennis Kucinchs, are always on the outside looking in.  Meanwhile the more generic, hard-to-pin-down's are in the lead.  Why?  Because the whole of the American voting population is just as confused as everyone else. 

Where the hell is this going to go?  Who knows.  If McCain wins, their will be a bunch of unhappy distressed Republicans.  If Clinton wins, their will be a bunch of unhappy distressed Democrats.  This is a recipe for concrete gridlock in Washington.  Anyone looking forward to a rebounding economy or a resolution to the war in Iraq, within the next 4 years, should resign themselves to the fact that it ain't gonna happen.

Or maybe we could just elect Eli Manning.  We could use a 4th quarter hail mary right about now. 

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

"Lindsey Graham is certainly close enough to John McCaine to die of anal poisoning" -- Rush Limbaugh, M.D.

Well, my friends, it seems quite clear that even the Republicans and the Democrats are less then thrilled with their options this year.  You've got approximately 50% of the Republican Party that wishes John McCain were still strapped to that bed in Nam, and the other 50% who, well, they just want to win.  They'd support Carrot Top if they thought he had a viable chance to beat the Democratic nominee.  Meanwhile, their alternatives are Mitt "Magic Pance" Romney and Mike "God is my Constitutional Scholar" Huckabee.  No, I haven't forgotten about Ron Paul, but I'm pretty sure the Republican Party wishes they could.

So now what do we have on the other side of the aisle.  The Democrats are all fucked up.  The idea of nominating the someone who could prove to be the first Female President is very appealing of course.  But, well, it's Hillary Clinton.  Oh and of course Bubba will be coming along to.  I'm sure the Democratic members of the Ethics Committee are just foaming at the mouth for that scenario.  It's kind of like when you go to the bulk-store and you really want to get that box of Lucky Charms, but they've packaged it with Product 19.  Is it really worth it?  Meanwhile, there's also the monumentous opportunity to nominate someone who has a viable shot at becoming the first African American President.  But, well, it's Barack Obama.  Oh sure, he's a great talker and is a very adept wordsmith (or whoever it is who writes his speeches).  But is Tom What's-His-Name from Iran going to back down to someone so green and untested?  Also, he can't just simply write "Present" on bills and call it good.  He'll actually have to make a decision.  And so will the Democrats.

So who's going to come out of this mess.  Who knows.  Probably McCain and Hillary.  We kept hearing the last election cycle about the "Mandate" the Democrats received after winning both houses of Congress.  Yeah, look how well that worked out for them.  But what are these candidates going to do when they can't even get mandates from their own parties?  Independents have SOME voice in SOME states, but so far they seem to be split between McCain and Obama.  But clearly, they haven't made up their mind either.

Because we've got a truly lackluster crop of candidates here.  There is so much gaming going on that it's hard to see where they really stand and what they'd really do if elected.  We know what they will do to get elected, whatever it takes.  In this 24/7 news cycle era we live in they have to watch every word uttered.  Those with the strongest stated stances on issues, the Ron Pauls, Dennis Kucinchs, are always on the outside looking in.  Meanwhile the more generic, hard-to-pin-down's are in the lead.  Why?  Because the whole of the American voting population is just as confused as everyone else. 

Where the hell is this going to go?  Who knows.  If McCain wins, their will be a bunch of unhappy distressed Republicans.  If Clinton wins, their will be a bunch of unhappy distressed Democrats.  This is a recipe for concrete gridlock in Washington.  Anyone looking forward to a rebounding economy or a resolution to the war in Iraq, within the next 4 years, should resign themselves to the fact that it ain't gonna happen.

Or maybe we could just elect Eli Manning.  We could use a 4th quarter hail mary right about now. 

  In 1844, the Democrats were split
    The three nominees for the presidential candidate
    Were Martin Van Buren, a former president and an abolitionist
    James Buchanan, a moderate
    Louis Cass, a general and expansionist
    From Nashville came a dark horse riding up
    He was James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

    Austere, severe, he held few people dear
    His oratory filled his foes with fear
    The factions soon agreed
    He's just the man we need
    To bring about victory
    Fulfill our manifest destiny
    And annex the land the Mexicans command
    And when the votes were cast the winner was
    Mister James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

    In four short years he met his every goal
    He seized the whole southwest from Mexico
    Made sure the tariffs fell
    And made the English sell the Oregon territory
    He built an independent treasury
    Having done all this he sought no second term
    But precious few have mourned the passing of
    Mister James K. Polk, our eleventh president
    Young Hickory, Napoleon of the Stump

Could there yet be a Dark Horse, or is that sort of thing lost in the morass of live media and pundits covering every possible contender for 6 months before we even starty exploratory committees?

[Jasper]

He made an independent treasury.  Great. 

You know, we've never really had a *good* president that wasn't shot.

[Cramulus]

You know, we've never really had a *good* president that wasn't shot.

just in case people haven't seen this before--

Grover Cleveland's Birthday (March 18th)
No politician besides Grover Cleveland ever won the endorsement of the Orthodox Discordian Society, and we endorse him every four years. Cleveland is well known, highly respected, very experienced and, best of all, completely dead -- a quality assuring that he will not pick Daniel Quayle for his running mate.

      No sex scandals will ever mar any of his campaigns.

      And, besides, what living person can really be trusted with the awesome powers of a nuclear-age presidency?

      Grover Cleveland will break no campaign promises and will never abuse his veto power. Nor will he say anything so idiotic that even those who didn't vote for him will cringe with embarrassment. Cleveland will start no wars, will exact no taxes, will expand no debts, will tell no lies, will keep no secrets in the name of National Security and will not, at any time during his entire term, appoint any morons to high public office.

      Can you honestly hope for that much of any other candidate?

[Bharlion]

I love Cleveland. He was so silly.

Almost as good as that one who got killed by the anarchists.
VIVA LE NOIR GAUCHE!

Here are some nixon pictures to make things good. Sorry.



[attachment deleted by admin]

[Jasper]

You know, we've never really had a *good* president that wasn't shot.

just in case people haven't seen this before--

Grover Cleveland's Birthday (March 18th)
No politician besides Grover Cleveland ever won the endorsement of the Orthodox Discordian Society, and we endorse him every four years. Cleveland is well known, highly respected, very experienced and, best of all, completely dead -- a quality assuring that he will not pick Daniel Quayle for his running mate.

      No sex scandals will ever mar any of his campaigns.

      And, besides, what living person can really be trusted with the awesome powers of a nuclear-age presidency?

      Grover Cleveland will break no campaign promises and will never abuse his veto power. Nor will he say anything so idiotic that even those who didn't vote for him will cringe with embarrassment. Cleveland will start no wars, will exact no taxes, will expand no debts, will tell no lies, will keep no secrets in the name of National Security and will not, at any time during his entire term, appoint any morons to high public office.

      Can you honestly hope for that much of any other candidate?

Um, NO.  What are we waiting for?  Grab yer shovel!

[Pope Lecherous]

dead people hold many secrets

[Diseris]

  In 1844, the Democrats were split
    The three nominees for the presidential candidate
    Were Martin Van Buren, a former president and an abolitionist
    James Buchanan, a moderate
    Louis Cass, a general and expansionist
    From Nashville came a dark horse riding up
    He was James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

    Austere, severe, he held few people dear
    His oratory filled his foes with fear
    The factions soon agreed
    He's just the man we need
    To bring about victory
    Fulfill our manifest destiny
    And annex the land the Mexicans command
    And when the votes were cast the winner was
    Mister James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

    In four short years he met his every goal
    He seized the whole southwest from Mexico
    Made sure the tariffs fell
    And made the English sell the Oregon territory
    He built an independent treasury
    Having done all this he sought no second term
    But precious few have mourned the passing of
    Mister James K. Polk, our eleventh president
    Young Hickory, Napoleon of the Stump

Could there yet be a Dark Horse, or is that sort of thing lost in the morass of live media and pundits covering every possible contender for 6 months before we even starty exploratory committees?

I love TMBG!  John and John for Dark Horse President! 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

for the most part, LOL and well-written and all that. But this:

Independents have SOME voice in SOME states, but so far they seem to be split between McCain and Obama.  But clearly, they haven't made up their mind either.

Independents have a hivemind?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I'm actually throwing my support behind a mainstream candidate this year, Mr. Obama. I know all the reasons why that's a bad thing, but I'm still doing it. For one thing, the guy's a phenomenal public speaker, and after 8 years of the current illiterate fucktard in the White House, with his stuttering and inane repitition and steering his speeches clear of any word with more than three syllables, hearing a competent public speaker make compassionate speeches from the Presidential podium would be like high-grade pornography to me.

Secondly, people say Obama is all talk and no substance -- to which I must call bullshit, because if you look at his website or actually listen to what he has to say, you'll see that argument is bullshit.

And, although he is a member of one of the two corrupt major parties, you have to wonder why he's still in the race for the nomination. Considering how obvious it is that the DNC designed this election year with Hillary specifically in mind, you've got to know that Obama is pissing lots of Dem Establishment people off with his sudden rush of momentum. But he doesn't back down. Anybody who pisses off the establishment is okay in my book.

And I'll admit that Obama is a smooth talker. He has that JFK factor going for him -- fairly good looking, motivational, enticing. He is stirring political and social awareness in more 18-30 year olds than anyone has since life expectancy was hovering at 40 years.

Maybe I'm personally sick of being jaded and cynical all the time. Maybe it's just that this dude from Illinois is better at manipulating me than most politicians are. Whatever the reason, I feel like this year could be the first time I'll be able to vote for someone or something, rather than another opportunity to cast a powerless vote against everything.

[AFK]

for the most part, LOL and well-written and all that. But this:

Independents have SOME voice in SOME states, but so far they seem to be split between McCain and Obama.  But clearly, they haven't made up their mind either.

Independents have a hivemind?

Well of course not.  But as a collective of voters, they will have a big impact on the General election, assuming McCain and Obama are the candidates.  Of course, they will make their voice heard individually as they vote.  But the overall direction that the collective of Independent voters go will, I think, be one of the deciding factors in who wins. 

However, with that said, if the Republicans and Democrats turn out in the general election as they did in the primaries and caucuses, McCain will have to pretty much win over ALL of the Independents to beat Obama. 

[AFK]

I'm actually throwing my support behind a mainstream candidate this year, Mr. Obama. I know all the reasons why that's a bad thing, but I'm still doing it. For one thing, the guy's a phenomenal public speaker, and after 8 years of the current illiterate fucktard in the White House, with his stuttering and inane repitition and steering his speeches clear of any word with more than three syllables, hearing a competent public speaker make compassionate speeches from the Presidential podium would be like high-grade pornography to me.

Secondly, people say Obama is all talk and no substance -- to which I must call bullshit, because if you look at his website or actually listen to what he has to say, you'll see that argument is bullshit.

And, although he is a member of one of the two corrupt major parties, you have to wonder why he's still in the race for the nomination. Considering how obvious it is that the DNC designed this election year with Hillary specifically in mind, you've got to know that Obama is pissing lots of Dem Establishment people off with his sudden rush of momentum. But he doesn't back down. Anybody who pisses off the establishment is okay in my book.

And I'll admit that Obama is a smooth talker. He has that JFK factor going for him -- fairly good looking, motivational, enticing. He is stirring political and social awareness in more 18-30 year olds than anyone has since life expectancy was hovering at 40 years.

Maybe I'm personally sick of being jaded and cynical all the time. Maybe it's just that this dude from Illinois is better at manipulating me than most politicians are. Whatever the reason, I feel like this year could be the first time I'll be able to vote for someone or something, rather than another opportunity to cast a powerless vote against everything.

I'm with Vex for many of the reasons he's cited.  Not that I trust Obama 100% but I feel like pretty much 100% of what comes out of Hillary's mouth is BS.  She just doesn't come off as trustworthy at all.  She's trying to pull of the Margaret Thatcher, tough-lady thing while still trying to look vulnerable and womanly, like that crying stunt she did in N.H. 

You know, this probably seems like nothing, but the fact that Obama actually took Valentine's Day off from the campaign trail, to be with his wife and family, won some points with me.  Especially considering that while he has been doing well he certainly hasn't secured the nomination.  So assuming he wins I'll be voting for him, short of some reprehensible closeted skeletons coming out.  But if Hillary is able to pull out the nomination, I don't know what I'm going to do. 

[Cramulus]

I hope he gets it because I can't wait for this:


O LAWD, A MOOSLIM IN THE WHITE HAUS???!
WHAT IS DIS NATION COMING TOO?
        /

[AFK]

Despite his public-hangwringing, you know Rush is just absolutely drooling over that possibility.  Though, I'm sure he wouldn't mind dusting off his Clinton repertoire either. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

for the most part, LOL and well-written and all that. But this:

Independents have SOME voice in SOME states, but so far they seem to be split between McCain and Obama.  But clearly, they haven't made up their mind either.

Independents have a hivemind?

Well of course not.  But as a collective of voters, they will have a big impact on the General election, assuming McCain and Obama are the candidates.  Of course, they will make their voice heard individually as they vote.  But the overall direction that the collective of Independent voters go will, I think, be one of the deciding factors in who wins. 

However, with that said, if the Republicans and Democrats turn out in the general election as they did in the primaries and caucuses, McCain will have to pretty much win over ALL of the Independents to beat Obama. 

No, totally: I was just poking fun at the funniness of that phrasing.