Imagine

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You are a housewife. Every day you shop, you chop, you cook, you sweep, vacuum, wash, wax, dry, fold, tidy, discard. You bandage scraped knees, settle fights, make judgment calls. You do the best you can. You do what you can to earn your keep. And when your husband comes home, he sees only what you didn't do, or what you didn't do right.

Now imagine that instead of a house, it's your life.

And imagine that instead of a husband, it's you.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You are a housewife. Every day you shop, you chop, you cook, you sweep, vacuum, wash, wax, dry, fold, tidy, discard. You bandage scraped knees, settle fights, make judgment calls. You do the best you can. You do what you can to earn your keep. And when your husband comes home, he sees only what you didn't do, or what you didn't do right.

Now imagine that instead of a house, it's your life.

And imagine that instead of a husband, it's you.

Huh?  I don't understand the last two lines.

[Sita]

I understand it. It's talking about those that only see the bad in their lives, things they haven't done yet and mistakes they have made, and not seeing all they have accomplished and done right.

People would typically get on the case of a husband that reacts that way but not when it's themselves.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thanks Sita. Yeah, that's what I was getting at. Just another iteration of "we are our own worst critics" idea.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm not.

TGRR,
Practically perfect in every way.

[Doktor Loki]

I'm not.

TGRR,
Practically perfect in every way.

Yes, Roger, but this wasnt written for those of us blessed with Yeti genetics.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm not.

TGRR,
Practically perfect in every way.

Yes, Roger, but this wasnt written for those of us blessed with Yeti genetics.

Oh, okay.

Nevermind.

[LMNO]

Self-reflective pessimists.
                                   \

    /
I hate self-reflective pessimists.

[P3nT4gR4m]

You are a housewife.

I got as far as here and spent the rest of my life playing with my tits

[Jenne]

Silly,

Is riding the correct motorcycle.

I'm glad you brought this up, Nigel.  I don't know if it's the weather, impending season, or whatthefuck.  But I got a case of "WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?!!!" like there's no tomorrow.

And of course being here in the land of BIPism doesn't help.

LMNO, it's not just self-reflection of the pessimist that drives you into that corner.  It's also this innate need for OTHER.  And I hate that need, because it's so, well, OTHER.  And when you live your life so full of 1) the same thing and 2) for so many other someone elses...you start to revile, hate and feel hostile towards those same things you built so carefully, and placed so precisely and worked so very very hard for.

That's why it's so easy to one day wake up and chuck it all into the shitter.  Sad, but true.  Because in the end, you feel like you've been sliding into the shitter slowly by slowly anyway.  Why not go that extra 3' and flush?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think the thing that spurred me to write that thought down is that it's NOT self-reflection. If someone was reflecting, they would realize that they are being unnecessarily self-punitive. Most people would, if shown themselves from an external perspective, feel more compassion than they afford themselves on a day-to-day basis. The unconscious, unthinking self-punishment is another bar on the Prison, as are all things, but it's a bar that should perhaps be disposed of, along with the "I could have been..." bar, which I will write about some other time.

Maybe some bars are more like bars, and other bars are more like horizons.

[LMNO]

Silly,

Is riding the correct motorcycle.

You mean you're playing with your tits right now?

And of course being here in the land of BIPism doesn't help.

Why not?  BIP is pretty optimistic, if you ask me.

LMNO, it's not just self-reflection of the pessimist that drives you into that corner.  It's also this innate need for OTHER.  And I hate that need, because it's so, well, OTHER.  And when you live your life so full of 1) the same thing and 2) for so many other someone elses...you start to revile, hate and feel hostile towards those same things you built so carefully, and placed so precisely and worked so very very hard for.

Oh.  Well, then stop. [/Eris]

[Jenne]

I think the thing that spurred me to write that thought down is that it's NOT self-reflection. If someone was reflecting, they would realize that they are being unnecessarily self-punitive. Most people would, if shown themselves from an external perspective, feel more compassion than they afford themselves on a day-to-day basis. The unconscious, unthinking self-punishment is another bar on the Prison, as are all things, but it's a bar that should perhaps be disposed of, along with the "I could have been..." bar, which I will write about some other time.

Maybe some bars are more like bars, and other bars are more like horizons.

Yes, that's sort of what I meant, I just didn't focus on that part of it.  I was too busy explaining why and how this resonated with me vis a vis Sita's post.

That "coulda/woulda/shoulda" applies to most people, I've found, but I've also seen how women who give up their whole lives to be subsumed by domesticity tend to have more than their fair share of it.

Or perhaps it's the forest for the trees phenomenon for me.

[Jenne]

Silly,

Is riding the correct motorcycle.

You mean you're playing with your tits right now?

And of course being here in the land of BIPism doesn't help.

Why not?  BIP is pretty optimistic, if you ask me.

LMNO, it's not just self-reflection of the pessimist that drives you into that corner.  It's also this innate need for OTHER.  And I hate that need, because it's so, well, OTHER.  And when you live your life so full of 1) the same thing and 2) for so many other someone elses...you start to revile, hate and feel hostile towards those same things you built so carefully, and placed so precisely and worked so very very hard for.

Oh.  Well, then stop. [/Eris]

Yes, why not?  But my main point is:  there's a lot to be gained by focusing on the simple plan of just pleasing yourself.

The BIP is something that, while it frees your mind to seek alternatives once you've been broken down enough to want them, it still forces you to quit hiding from the bars and confront them, else you'll be confounded by them over and over.

Sometimes you just want to sink into self pity and have done with it--that's why the blame and the angst.

But you're right--the simple solution is just to simply stop.  Unfortunately, there are often children that complicate that a million-fold.

[LMNO]

I dunno, I often think that kids can handle change better than adults.