The Hatemonger - An Epic (in parts, serialised whenever)

[e]

I apologise in advance for the lousy scansion.

The Hatemonger

There once was a forum, a haven most fair;
From all Internet's corners, the people flocked there.
They flocked there in droves, and they ran there in herds;
For no-one can flock like an Internet nerd.

The forum was filled up with all sorts of folk;
There were those who were sober, and people who toked.
There were hippies galore next to anger-filled haters;
Lurkers and oglers, the lone masturbators.

There were oldbies and newbies and all in between;
Many folks into Draema, who worshipped their queen.
There were those who liked art, and preferrers of prose;
Some even liked poems (though, Thank God, few of those).

There were cookers and eaters and drinkers and drunks;
Technology addicts and keepers of junk.
There were some from Britannia, across the wide sea;
From the US of A, many logged on to see.

From France and from Israel, Germany too;
From Canada, Turkey, Japan and Peru.
From all of these places and many besides;
The Internet nerds did log on to reside.

They even invited, right into their midst;
Hatemongers and Retards; and flingers of shit.
Accusations and counter-ones soon filled the air;
But the folk of this forum seemed just to not care.

On a regular basis, the new would descend;
Attacking hatemongers without seeming end.
They did this, of course, just to right perceived wrongs;
(Fortunately for me, who is writing this song.)

The flames oft were vicious, though just as oft not;
Many monitors stained with spat soda and snot.
On occasion the fighting reached epic proportions;
The participants' brains filled with raging endorphins.  [betcha didn't think I could come up with a rhyme for proportions, didja?]

For many a year, the forums kept going;
New threads and new posts, the userbase growing.
Projects were started, abandoned with zest;
None would agree on which topics were best.

One day came the mittens, applauding the worthy;
Though some of the wielders clapped just for the dorky.
Emoticon use shot right up through the roof;
And still none could grok the ineffable troof.

In-jokes and politics, writings and rants;
On many occasions, a dire lack of pants.
Yea the breadth of this forum did not know no bounds;
Some members were female!  Yea, Gadzooks and Zounds!

Culinary disasters and meals of great daring;
An occasional run-in with rogue knives of paring.
I'm starting to run out of lists now for this bit;
To paraphrase Eris: "Oh, well then.  So stop it."

[Dr. Paes]

:pileofmittens:

[e]

I once wanted to write an epic poem about a table.

[Richter]

Now, same thing, but iambic pantameter

[e]

I will go one better and use Spenserian Stanzas!

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

 

[Cramulus]

[Sepia]

This is gorgeous.

[hooplala]

THIS is what should go on the title page.  Fuck all that other shit.

[AFK]

Heh, this is great.  And should be made into some sort of audio project. 

[hooplala]

Yeah, lets get Eldora to recite it... her accent is hawt.

[AFK]

I've never heard her voice, what does it sound like?

[LMNO]

Yeah, lets get Eldora to recite it... her accent is hawt.

[hooplala]

I've never heard her voice, what does it sound like?

Like a Lily Tomlin character.