Books That No One Should Read

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

Did I miss anything?

He's also in the marines, or something.

[Requia ☣]

Did I miss anything?

He's also in the marines, or something.

Canadian Air Force

[Cain]

Paraguyan Navy

[Spiny_Norman]

The Bible sucks hairy goat balls.  Awful writing, boring plot, nothing of interest whatsoever.  "Elia who begat Noah who begat Adam who begat Joesph who begat NO-ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT, THATS WHO."

Nah, you're missing the point. If you disregard any preconceived notions and all the common Christian misperceptions, Christ's philosophy is essentially Western Taoism. Christians have really butchered it with all of their homophobia and everything, but Jesus, whatever else he may have been, is still one of my favorite philosophers. Also, there really is a lot of wisdom in the Old Testament. The thing is, you can't read it as a religious text that anybody really took literally. If you think in terms of "why would they have written this?", you can, at the very least, learn a lot about ancient cultures.

I second (or probably third or forth it by now) that sentiment!  Jesus was indeed a Buddhist!  There more of his philosophy I read the more I see Eastern thought predominant but presented in such a way as Western minds can wrap themselves around.  What happened when folk wrote it down though....

Aww fuck!  Really you guys?  Jesus repeated over and over again he was the son of God and that no one would be saved without him.  Also, the spiritual teachings even in the new testament are extremely shallow and tedious.  Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole just because you want it to fit.

[Cain]

The Bible sucks hairy goat balls.  Awful writing, boring plot, nothing of interest whatsoever.  "Elia who begat Noah who begat Adam who begat Joesph who begat NO-ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT, THATS WHO."

Nah, you're missing the point. If you disregard any preconceived notions and all the common Christian misperceptions, Christ's philosophy is essentially Western Taoism. Christians have really butchered it with all of their homophobia and everything, but Jesus, whatever else he may have been, is still one of my favorite philosophers. Also, there really is a lot of wisdom in the Old Testament. The thing is, you can't read it as a religious text that anybody really took literally. If you think in terms of "why would they have written this?", you can, at the very least, learn a lot about ancient cultures.

I second (or probably third or forth it by now) that sentiment!  Jesus was indeed a Buddhist!  There more of his philosophy I read the more I see Eastern thought predominant but presented in such a way as Western minds can wrap themselves around.  What happened when folk wrote it down though....

Aww fuck!  Really you guys?  Jesus repeated over and over again he was the son of God and that no one would be saved without him.  Also, the spiritual teachings even in the new testament are extremely shallow and tedious.  Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole just because you want it to fit.

Note: nostalgicBadger is a twit most people ignore, and Lupernikes flounced because we didn't believe quantum meant "magical".  One idiot =/= everyone else.

I still contend the Bible sucks.

[Spiny_Norman]

Agreed.

[Spiny_Norman]

Especially comparing it to profound teachings like Tao and Buddhism. 

Really?  Buddhism?

[Corvidia]

Mm, I like bits of the Bible. Wisdom is particular always made me go, "WTF?" when I was Catholic. Seems to defy the whole, "go forth and multiply" aspect. But then, so does Paul, another "wtf?" inducing fellow.
Revelations is a whole 'nother round of fun.

I'm astounded that The Jungle by Upton Sinclair didn't make it in here. I read a couple chapters and returned it. AWFUL. There was a sense of distant grit but the characters just didn't connect with the reader and he failed at making me care about the people (it hit everyone's stomach for a damn reason).

Also, the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. I would like to kick Meyers in the face repeatedly. However, Cleolinda's recap of the series is hilarious beyond belief and she dissects the thing quite aptly, I think. The series is also one giant song fic and has ruined Muse for me. 

Old Man and the Sea is another. Its got beautiful descriptions but it failed at making me care at all about the old man. Even when he was beating sharks off his catch, I couldn't give a shit because there was no connection between the reader and the character. That right there should have been the BEST moment in the book and it just wasn't.

[Cain]

I've heard The Jungle is bad.

As for Stephanie Myers, if you read her as comedy, it becomes a lot more tolerable.  "No no dude, she's totally deconstructing the vampire genre by writing AS BAD AS IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE".  I swear, that woman should be on Fanfic.com, not the New York Times bestsellers list.  But watching the moral dissonance between almost portraying teen sex (under the cover of vampirism) and her Mormon ethics is fascinating, all bad writing aside.

[Corvidia]

I've heard The Jungle is bad.

As for Stephanie Myers, if you read her as comedy, it becomes a lot more tolerable.  "No no dude, she's totally deconstructing the vampire genre by writing AS BAD AS IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE".  I swear, that woman should be on Fanfic.com, not the New York Times bestsellers list.  But watching the moral dissonance between almost portraying teen sex (under the cover of vampirism) and her Mormon ethics is fascinating, all bad writing aside.

You heard damn right. Disgusting as hell without the character connection to make me tolerate the squick.

And yeah, she should be on FFN's list. Bella Swan = biggest Mary Sue ever.  I'll agree, however, that it's interesting. I haven't fully morphed into a lolfan with Twilight, though I'm sure if I can get around my feminist rage I'm sure it'll be hilarious.

[Cain]

I actually reviewed the film here http://www.principiadiscordia.com/blog/cain/blow-by-blow-coverage-of-the-twilight-film/

I also recommend this page for the right mix of lol and rage http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/JustBugsMe/Twilight

I have yet to do more than skim the books, but eventually, when I get the time, I will review them.  Chapter by chapter, if necessary.

[A.N. Other]

Wow...how did Twilight become so popular? I just don't understand the appeal that this book has. Is Twilight doing for vampires what Pirates of the Caribbean did for pirates?

[Corvidia]

The link I put in my first post to the recaps? She explains it. According to her (and I agree) it fulfills every dimwitted teeny bopper/teenaged girl/stupid woman/soccer mom's deep-seated need to Mary Sue and have that impossible fairy tale love.

_{Never mind that that love is a creepy, passive aggressive, emotionally stunted, bipolar stalker and the beloved is an unmitigated wretch.}

[Sheered Völva]

Jesus repeated over and over again he was the son of God.... (Partial Quote)

Where?

John 1:12
But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

Luke 22:70
Then said they all, Art thou then the Son of God? And he said unto them, Ye say that I am.

John 10
  33The Jews answered him, saying, For a good work we stone thee not; but for blasphemy; and because that thou, being a man, makest thyself God.

   34Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?

   35If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken;

   36Say ye of him, whom the Father hath sanctified, and sent into the world, Thou blasphemest; because I said, I am the Son of God?

Jesus was called the son of God by some of his supporters, and mockingly by some of his detractors. I know of no place in the Bible where he essentially said, "I am the son of God, and you're not." If you know of one, I'd love to see it.

[Cain]

The link I put in my first post to the recaps? She explains it. According to her (and I agree) it fulfills every dimwitted teeny bopper/teenaged girl/stupid woman/soccer mom's deep-seated need to Mary Sue and have that impossible fairy tale love.

_{Never mind that that love is a creepy, passive aggressive, emotionally stunted, bipolar stalker and the beloved is an unmitigated wretch.}

100% correct.

It gets even creepier if you consider that

a) the narrator might be unreliable (ie it really is an abusive relationship - beyond the already mentioned factors)
b) the worrying implications of "imprinting", both generally and in the particular case of Jacob on Bella's daughter
c) Jacob is named after Meyer's brother, and Bella is clearly an Author Avatar for Meyers.  For those who don't understand the implications of that, Jacob and Bella fall in love in the series.
d) Combine the above two for a REALLY SICK scenario
e) Werewolf done Ceasarian-sections (man seeing that in the films is going to be awesome.  From romance to gore in 60 secs flat)
f) necrophilia.  Full stop.

Its a shame this series is protected by copyright, as I'd love to rewrite the series where the above implications are actually played out to their logical conclusions (ie Bella murdered in a fit of rage, Edward Cullen as a sexually dysfuctional control freak with serious masochistic tendencies) and see if I could sell that to the publishers.  The same ones, even.  I do know there are Buffy/Twilight crossovers out there, so its not entirely unthought of.