Chocolate and Vanilla: the Eternal Paradox

[Manta Obscura]

As everyone knows, humankind has been at war with itself for centuries in hopes of resolving the question of whether chocolate or vanilla is better.  For far too long has blood been shed because of this matter.  Now is the time to discover the real Truth, allowing us to circumvent the conflicts of our forebears.  We must resolve this dilemma in order to end the pointless idealism once and for all.

Plus, I don't have a hell of a lot better to do right now anyway.

To resolve this, I propose a deep and thorough investigation be made into the inner nature of both chocolate and vanilla.  To start, chocolate and vanilla are both beans, although the method of their development is different.  Chocolate is grown from the cacao (pronounced [ka kow] in IPA transcription) plant, which is a variant of early unxylemated planting trees.  Vanilla, on the other hand, grows from a variant of the orchid known as Vanilla planifolia, which is a variant of the unblossoming vine plants that began to flourish in the middle Triassic period. 

Considering both of these facts, round one has to go to chocolate: its plant structure is far more sophisticated.

For round two, let us consider the overall process of converting chocolate and vanilla from plant material into the edible foodstuffs we know and use in our homes, stating that the more arduous and complex process shall be the victor (by way of the assumption that increased complexity = increased utilization of culinary technique).  First, chocolate: cacao beans are harvested from the plants leaves and left to sit and coagulate, or ferment, for a time of around 3-7 days.  After this time, they are roasted in a cylindrical-drum oven for 30 min - 2 hours, depending on bean consistency.  After this, the outer shell of the beans are removed, and the inner substance (called the "nib") is ground into a paste.  This paste, if allowed to dry, will become cocoa powder.  However, if treated with alkaline sub-bases and lechtin, the nib will ferment in what we know as solid chocolate.

Vanilla beans, on the other hand, take quite a different process to make them edible.  The beans must first be "cured," a process which can take almost 6 months to do.  During this time, the beans are wrapped in blankets and straw mats, heated for up to 48 hours, and then left out in the sun to "sweat" moisture off, which is absorbed into the blankets and straw.  After this, the beans must then be allowed to sit and simmer in a vat of alcohol (vodka is often used to give the resulting product a distinctive flavor), dissolved at 35 percent dilution into water.  Over 3 to five weeks, the beans will be superheated and cooled alternately, allowing every last drop of flavor to intermingle with the diluted alcohol mixture.  After that time, whatever is left must have the bean remains strained out, and then the resulting liquid is bottled as pure vanilla extract.

Thus ends Round 2, which definitely goes to vanilla.  It is a far more sophisticated foodstuff.

And thus we are brought to our final criteria, taste, of which I cannot give an account.  This is where you guys come in.  Chime in with your ideas about which flavor tastes better, and whichever one gets the most votes shall be considered the Grand Champion of Flavor by vote of 2 out of 3 categories.

Oh, and as always:

-Happiness

[East Coast Hustle]

I didn't bother reading the rest of the post (not a big fan of either flavor), but THIS:

the assumption that increased complexity = increased sophistication and mastery of culinary technique

is as dead wrong as it could possibly be.

[Manta Obscura]

I didn't bother reading the rest of the post (not a big fan of either flavor), but THIS:

the assumption that increased complexity = increased sophistication and mastery of culinary technique

is as dead wrong as it could possibly be.

Fair enough. I should revise to say that increased complexity = increased amount of effort or patience needed, or at least change "sophistication and mastery" to "utilization".

You don't really like either flavor? Are you more of a savory-flavor guy?

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, I don't have much of a sweet tooth.

and I'd agree with your rephrasing.

[Nast]

It is my philosophy that it is not the ingredient*, but what you do with the ingredient. Chocolate and vanilla both have their places and beyond personal preference, they are both equal in capacity for deliciousness.
For example, vanilla has a unique sweet fragrance that lends itself well pastries and creamy deserts. Chocolate has a deep flavor and slight bitterness that allows it to work in a variety of foods, both sweet and savory. Personally, I like both.

*that being said, there are some things that are just plain awful

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I vote for caramel.

[Bruno]

I like cinnamon on pork.

[navkat]

I think round three should go to whichever "commodity" had the most ancient peoples slaughtered over its possession.

Let's start with the Mayans.

[rong]

resolving the question of whether chocolate or vanilla is better. 

[Manta Obscura]

I think round three should go to whichever "commodity" had the most ancient peoples slaughtered over its possession.

Let's start with the Mayans.

I like this (not the slaughtering part, the part about deciding a "winner" over a product's historical significance). If I get a little less lazy later tonight, I'll go through my books on food history and see if I can dig up some stuff about the most "violence-inducing" food of all time (excluding water).

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I bet it's either salt, sugar, or pepper.

Right now my money's on sugar.

[Elder Iptuous]

I would guess salt based on the fact that i can think of little cultural memes based on it
pinch of salt over the shoulder.
'not worth his salt'
'salt of the earth'
salt on a birdss tail
etc...

ETA: i vote for chocolate re: the OP.  the thing that clenches it is mole sauce, i think.  does vanilla have an equally unexpected, yet successful, use?

[East Coast Hustle]

as far as historical violence goes, my guess would be that sugar wins due to the transatlantic slave trade that supported the industry for hundreds of years.

pepper, I am guessing would be a fairly close second, along with tea.

[BADGE OF HONOR]

I vote chocolate.  You cannot eat vanilla on its own.

[East Coast Hustle]

you try eating a raw cacao pod and tell me how it works out for you.

analogy roont.