On Theatre

[Sepia]

"And everybody knows that its now or never
Everybody knows that its me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah when youve done a line or two" - Cohen

I want to find a girl there. She might be standing alone or she'll be with someone, her boyfriend or perhaps her father or mother, it seems like a nice thing to have in the family, cultural appreciation in all levels and tiers of their humanity and commitment. The father or the boyfriend will have run into someone, someone who works there and says he's there to see the same show and he's superpsyched, his word for it and you'll be looking at him like he's shining glass, trying to fix your eyes on something solid and as your gaze trails the contours of this empty man filled with so much man you'll see me and I'll see you and for a second we know that everything is right with the world, we aren't articulate enough but every secret in the world opened to us and we stood there with freedom in our eyes untill they ring the bell and we take our seats.

It is an interesting piece, you sit to the right of me, a few rows down and occasionally you throw your eyes towards me and only once do our eyes meet. The writer director is a young american of korean descent and she also plays the role of her self. A farce of sorts, complicated like she probably is, judging simply from the dialogues and I am in awe for it is beautiful and this isn't a story, we're not waiting for the ups or downs to build characters, we are free from that as our confusion grips us and we are open and we see this world and our hearts are opened

It was a very open and honest piece. I think you're thinking what I'm thinking, that here is a form of sacriledge, a feeling of doing something illegal, something we shouldn't, a feeling we haven't had since we were kids. We should walk over to ourselves but we stand still, frozen still, phazed and not really understanding and not there when we had to
not at the most important of times we should have followed our instincts we chose to ignore them, we stayed underneath, watched the ships sail as we slowly drowned, passing african people in chains

You were pale, white but with an intense red burning underneath it, you were low but not truly petite, more womanly and at times I imagine I would be able to see underneath your skin, see the blood and the fat and the gore and the bones, you'd be transparent and in the summer you'd disappear out of the shade and we talked earlier that night as we ate and drank red wine, just the two of us, smoking a joint and watching the waves crashing and the moon falling slowly and we talked of the french words; la lune, merde, mort and you had a cousin called mort and we laughed even though it was a stupid joke and we were both of us too much in love to see those things because we trained those muscles so long ago so that we could flex three different masks and we didn't see it

we never saw it

but as time is not linear (more bubble shaped)

untill we saw it, and we lived in eachothers minds untill we both died. A splinter in me and a splinter in you. I saw you as you died, I saw your husband crying, I saw the love in his eyes and the dread that he had to live alone now, the children were about grown enough to all have moved out and I saw your children and their lovers weeping for you for as they said so many times, like if you were retarded in the hearing, you had been the most wonderful and kind of persons, you were going to be missed and like emily dickinson you saw the fog and it was rising and you saw me seeing you, an old man I was, am. We knew.

as we lay dying, I lived my life in you and you lived your life in me and those few seconds took years for when I woke up I was so damned tired and I went to bed and I found my love and I held around you

[Kai]

God DAMN this is so fucking good.