Not so good fiction--My Life as a Robot Assbaby

[Jenne]

Geezus, I wrote this awhile ago.  It's horrible, but it makes me laugh.  My apologies for your waste of time if you decide to read it.   
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My Life as a Robot Assbaby Introduction, Part I

by Jenne

Not many would know me by my gender.  Robotic assbabies have none, to tell you the truth.  It's not like we're androgenous, either.  We just have to choose after our "age of majority" what we will be when we "grow up."

I've never liked this, really.  It's bad enough my father produced me in order to escape the inevitable heartbreak that human babies cause a broken marriage.  But to have the stigma of being anally produced via jumped-up technology?!  Bah!  Recipe for disaster in the schoolyard, and make no mistake.

I have been called everything from SuperFudgePacker X25 to SpacedockingMachine.

My own mother was a very sad little thing.  She'd had a few aborted robot fetuses before I was born.  Her birthing module was quite old and decrepit by the time I came out.  She shortcircuited her own wiring and was only good as a hotplate by the time I was weaned from her mainframe.

All I ever wanted, as long as I can remember, was to be a normal kid.  I really didn't care how I was born--I mean, coming out of your mom's ass is pretty much how every biological being makes their entry into the world!  No, it was something deeper.  Something that told me:  X25, you are special.  There's no one like you.

Of course, this wasn't true.  I have a twin.  I have two, in fact.  When my dad saw how helpful I was around the house, he cloned me again and again, til he had triplets.  He named us X25, Y2K and Z27.  Y2K hates his name, cuz all the kids called him "Millenium Bot the Snot."  When we complain about this, our dad just laughs and says kids can be cruel.

We need a special robot school for us assbabies, I think.  Of course, there'd only be ramps instead of stairs (can I just say that I HATE stairs?!  As soon as you have gotten the slope JUST right, BAM! someone pushes you the rest of the way down!  Kerplunk kerplunk kerplunk!), there'd be warm motor oil for lunch, and electrical outlets at every desk.

Dad refuses to home school us, says we have to learn how to deal with the "real world."  All I know is, if we can survive a public school full of boring, squishy mammals who cough, spit and vomit everywhere, then we can do ANYTHING.  School really sucks.

Especially if you're a robot assbaby from the suburbs.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

assbaby

[Fractalbeard]

 
This sounds like it should go on Adultswim.  I'd watch it.