One Sentence Rants

[Doktor Howl]

Sounds like she needs a good old fashioned Texas ass whooping. I would have given her the best massage ever! So she'd forget about her getaway. She would start crying about her being two hours late, and I would tell her it's the universe trying to teach her a lesson.

GOD DAMN FUCKING HIPPIES!!!

This is a really good point. If her day is ruined, what is the universe trying to tell her? Maybe to be less of a self-absorbed piece of shit?

I just love that her DAY IS RUINED.

Kids in Africa don't have it as bad as her.

[Salty]

All her complaints are like that.

CPD: I learned a long time ago that I can absolutely massage people I loathe, even on a purely personal level.

[Doktor Howl]

All her complaints are like that.

CPD: I learned a long time ago that I can absolutely massage people I loathe, even on a purely personal level.

If I could do that, I'd never leave the house!

[Salty]

She said her bullshit, I brought up rape.

She said, "if you believe that each life is a lesson, and ultimately yourealize the point of that lesson is unconditional love, then you have to have unconditional love for yourself as a rape victim, and unconditional love for the rapist, ever though their behavior is abhorrent, of course "

Then she said, after I silently massaged, "I've stired you up again."

Never again.

HELLO, STARSHINE MCPRIVILEGE!  PLEASE TO GET OFF OF BENCH AND OUT OF STORE.

I'm going to print this on fancy cards and hand them to people like this.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

All her complaints are like that.

CPD: I learned a long time ago that I can absolutely massage people I loathe, even on a purely personal level.

That's amazing.

[Salty]

Well, it's at the core of My Discordia.

Massage showed me this and reaffirms it every day: we are meat. The more you're aware of this, the better you are.

That stupid piece of shit is just as meaty as I am, our brains just took different paths. Doesn't mean I have to do it anymore. One of the reasons I'm self employed is to decide who I want to work with.

Also, I can massage in a lot of conditions.

[Doktor Howl]

Also, I can massage in a lot of conditions.

WOULD YOU, COULD YOU, ON A BOAT?

[Salty]

Also, I can massage in a lot of conditions.

WOULD YOU, COULD YOU, ON A BOAT?

I WOULD, I WOULD,  ON A BOAT.
I COULD PROVIDE CROSS FIBER FRICTION IN A MOAT.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

When you receive an email from me telling you I am late for work because "I am working on some thongs for a client," please assume that I said that because the O is too close to the I on the keyboard before assuming that I am literally working on thongs for a client.

[Doktor Howl]

When you receive an email from me telling you I am late for work because "I am working on some thongs for a client," please assume that I said that because the O is too close to the I on the keyboard before assuming that I am literally working on thongs for a client.

You make me sad.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Hey you newage dipshit, no, a stupid kid wrecking my wife on her bike is not a message fro. GOD that she should no longer play bike Polo, and no, I don't have to believe that life is a lesson so we can reincarnated higher, and NO RAPE VICTIMS TO NOT HAVE TO OFFER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO THEIR RAPIST SO THEY NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE RAPE AGAIN YOU DAFFY,STUPID, FUZZY MINDED PIECE OF SHIT.

wow, what a fucking asshole.

[Left]

It's the Just World Fallacy, where people who have it good tell themselves that people get what they deserve, in order to themselves feel righteous and safe.

I usually get it from the evangelical loonies, but have gotten it from new-age loonies too.
So I guess if they inspire me to club them mercilessly with my steel tea thermos, they deserved it.

[P3nT4gR4m]

It's the Just World Fallacy, where people who have it good tell themselves that people get what they deserve, in order to themselves feel righteous and safe.

I usually get it from the evangelical loonies, but have gotten it from new-age loonies too.
So I guess if they inspire me to club them mercilessly with my steel tea thermos, they deserved it.

Read "Celestine prophecy" Twice if you need to (yes that's what it said, with a straight face - you didn't imagine it!)

You now have an acid test when interacting with people who look new agey and seem a bit twat.

You: "Have you read celestine prophecy?"

Them: "Oooooh yes. That book changed my life. It's just so troofy goodness..."

PROFIT and/or LULZ

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's the Just World Fallacy, where people who have it good tell themselves that people get what they deserve, in order to themselves feel righteous and safe.

I usually get it from the evangelical loonies, but have gotten it from new-age loonies too.
So I guess if they inspire me to club them mercilessly with my steel tea thermos, they deserved it.

Read "Celestine prophecy" Twice if you need to (yes that's what it said, with a straight face - you didn't imagine it!)

You now have an acid test when interacting with people who look new agey and seem a bit twat.

You: "Have you read celestine prophecy?"

Them: "Oooooh yes. That book changed my life. It's just so troofy goodness..."

PROFIT and/or LULZ

I use Celestine Prophecy and anything by Carlos Castaneda as red flags when I'm looking at OK Cupid profiles. It's not just that the philosophy is shit, it's that they're so poorly written it's impossible for me to comprehend how they could be anyone's favorite books.

[Da6s]

No you can't fucking have a 20% discount just because you're choosing to ignore what the fucking details of the online coupon are, you fucking incoherent ass garbler.