Rev Roger, Welcome to the Monkeyhouse, #1: Eat the Rich

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Make no mistake, we are experiencing the beginning of the worst economic times since the dustbowl.  Possibly worse, if you want the truth.

But people don't want the truth, do they?  The wheels have fallen off the monster truck of state, but since we're still sliding on the chassis rather than rolling over, everyone pretends that things aren't that bad.  The band is still playing, so we can all rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic, and pretend that the band will play on.

Well, wake the fuck up.  Things really ARE that bad...the lights are going out all over the world, and nobody knows when - or if - they will ever come on again.  The proof of this is listening to that waterhead at the Fed babble on about how the recovery will begin in the second half of the fiscal year.  Now, how the FUCK would he know that?  He doesn't.  He's making a prediction that sounds reassuring, but is far enough out that he assumes nobody will remember it when summer rolls around, the harvest is in...and we are not saved.

Herbert Hoover said the same thing, back at the beginning of 1932: "Prosperity is right around the corner".  As a note to those of you who don't study Doom, 1932/33 was the worst fiscal year of the depression. 

The worst part about this is that the problem WAS fixable.  The bailout was intended to allow the banks to steal capital from us, so they could loan money.  Our economy functions on lines of credit, and all that was required to turn this from disaster to a mere recession was for them to actually LOAN THAT MONEY OUT.  However, thanks to a weak-sister congress, the language of the bailout bill changed it instead into a massive giveaway with no accountability.  The bankers took the money, smiled, and then wrote themselves some bonus checks and used the rest of the money, apparently, to buy up assets.  When asked about it, they laughed in congress' face, and told them that they don't have to tell anyone where the money went, and by the way, give us the other $350 Bn, please.

Well, I have something to say to those bankers.  Something that should have been said long ago, when they first refused to renegotiate the toxic mortgages that started this whole mess.  Listen closely, my fat larcenous friends, for this is very, very important:

WE WILL FUCKING EAT YOU.

That's right.  I, for one, will not starve because of your greed.  When the deal goes South and it all comes crashing down, I will eat you before I starve.  I will use your skull as a wine glass.  I will gnaw on your bones with my very own teeth.

My son informs me that eating people is actually very unhealthy.  Something about "prions" and mad cow disease.  But what does he know?  He hasn't been around long enough to really understand DOOM.  He lives at that wonderful age of 15, where Really Bad Things happen to other people, and tomorrow's biggest worry is whether or not he'll get to feel up Suzy Rottencrotch under the bleachers during the homecoming game.

Well, I'll ask him again, in a few years, after the lights have gone out and the coyotes begin eying us with interest.  When he's learned how to make fuel out of alcohol, and we all live by pillaging those who still try to stand still and grow things.  Bankers will be a rare delicacy by then; no longer low hanging fruit dangling from the light poles. 

Be warned.  The easy times, the years of light and prosperity are behind us, brought low by the same greed and stupidity that has plagued the human race since Og the Caveman decided to corner the market on edible berries.  Rough times are ahead, and even if we DON'T get to eat bankers, we can at least stockpile A1 Sauce.

Or kill me.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Dr. Paes]

 

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

  

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I may start NOW, to beat the rush.

[Dr. Paes]

I may start NOW, to beat the rush.

QFT.
Got to get as many as you can before they realise they're on the menu.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I may start NOW, to beat the rush.

QFT.
Got to get as many as you can before they realise they're on the menu.

Shut up and pass the vinegar.

[Cainad (dec.)]

om nom fuckin' nom

[fomenter]

  soon to be leading the cannibal army across the desolate wastelands - bravo

[Elder Iptuous]

Fuck yeah!
the doom brings a tear to my eye... 
.
.
.
I can't wait

(incidentally, i think you were a bit optimistic in thinking that the 'bailout' could do anything except forestall the inevitable DOOM)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Fuck yeah!
the doom brings a tear to my eye... 
.
.
.
I can't wait

(incidentally, i think you were a bit optimistic in thinking that the 'bailout' could do anything except forestall the inevitable DOOM)

It could have slowed it down.

[Elder Iptuous]

I dunno.... there's a few cars already off the rails, and this trainwreck's got the momentum necessary to knock this whole rock out of orbit.
Let me know if you do end up moving before this shit goes down, so we can avoid turf battles when we don our warlord hats.  (ECH and i have a tacit understanding already, i think.)

Onward! through the DOOM!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I dunno.... there's a few cars already off the rails, and this trainwreck's got the momentum necessary to knock this whole rock out of orbit.
Let me know if you do end up moving before this shit goes down, so we can avoid turf battles when we don our warlord hats.  (ECH and i have a tacit understanding already, i think.)

Onward! through the DOOM!

I get the Southwest.

You know why that's the best place?

[Cainad (dec.)]

No water?

[Elder Iptuous]

I get the Southwest.

You know why that's the best place?

Ok, I'll bite....
why?