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Story Time with Squid-Diddle

Started by Sir Squid Diddimus, February 13, 2009, 04:55:49 AM

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Reginald Ret

#15
February 15, 2009, 09:32:08 PM
 :mittens:
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

The Good Reverend Roger

#16
February 15, 2009, 10:17:32 PM
Quote from: Squid-diddle on February 13, 2009, 04:55:49 AM
Why We live on the Moon

   Once upon a time the planet was ruled by a giant vampire computer machine called the Dow Jones Industrial.
   The machine had a bunch of worker drones called the monocle army. They lived inside the belly of the great machine and ate money and interest. Their means of communication was mostly rudimentary grunts and feigned laughter.
"burgha burgha burgha huh huh huh".
   The monocle army served one great purpose to the evil machine- to give out poorly thought out loans and rape the common people of what little money they had. The common people are otherwise known as- the taxpayer. That's you and me, kids.
   One day the Dow Jones machine sneezed and suddenly the taxpayers weren't able to pay the loans that they had received from the army. A chicken with a monocle ran out of the belly of the great machine yelling "Foreclosures, foreclosures! The Dow is falling! The Dow is falling!"
   Everyone panicked, the Dow started spitting out horrible numbers that didn't make sense, the monopoly man cried.
Then, from the shadows, came an evil villain named Henry Paulson. He threw back his cape, twisted his wiry mustache and proclaimed in a rather slimy voice, "I have a perfect solution for this. Muhahahahahahaaaa!" Then he slithered into the treasury and stole all the taxpayers money, into every cradle and stole every piece of candy from every baby and just for fun, kicked a puppy.
   The taxpayers were hurt and confused, but didn't quite know what to do when IT happened. The shrill sound of millions of crying babies awoke the great magical unicorn from his slumber. He arose from the muck and mire of his swampy home and yelled "What cock-suckery is this?!" He shat a rainbow with such force that it projected him all the way to the Dow Jones Industrial Monster Machine.
   He looked around with horror and in his great displeasure he yelled "IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZORZ!!!" Then he exploded with an enormous force that blew the planet into little bits and that kids, is why we live on the moon.

the end.

:mittens:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jenne

#17
February 16, 2009, 02:52:42 PM
:mittens: Squiddy!  You should put this in Intermittens!

Dysfunctional Cunt

#18
February 16, 2009, 04:07:28 PM
Quote from: Jenne on February 16, 2009, 02:52:42 PM
:mittens: Squiddy!  You should put this in Intermittens!

TITCM!!!

Sir Squid Diddimus

#19
February 16, 2009, 05:17:09 PM
they can take it if they want
whoever's in charge of it

P3nT4gR4m

#20
February 16, 2009, 05:24:52 PM
Quote from: Squid-diddle on February 16, 2009, 05:17:09 PM
they can take it if they want
whoever's in charge of it

Claimed for #6

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

The Good Reverend Roger

#21
October 26, 2009, 10:25:39 PM
Goddammit, I love this shit.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cainad (dec.)

#22
October 26, 2009, 11:01:47 PM
Quote from: Cainad on February 13, 2009, 05:54:20 AM
this rules

being drunk just makes it more vivid and funny

This post of mine would explain why I forgot about this OP. I read it again, and I still think it rules.
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