Story Time with Squid-Diddle

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Why We live on the Moon

   Once upon a time the planet was ruled by a giant vampire computer machine called the Dow Jones Industrial.
   The machine had a bunch of worker drones called the monocle army. They lived inside the belly of the great machine and ate money and interest. Their means of communication was mostly rudimentary grunts and feigned laughter.
"burgha burgha burgha huh huh huh".
   The monocle army served one great purpose to the evil machine- to give out poorly thought out loans and rape the common people of what little money they had. The common people are otherwise known as- the taxpayer. That's you and me, kids.
   One day the Dow Jones machine sneezed and suddenly the taxpayers weren't able to pay the loans that they had received from the army. A chicken with a monocle ran out of the belly of the great machine yelling "Foreclosures, foreclosures! The Dow is falling! The Dow is falling!"
   Everyone panicked, the Dow started spitting out horrible numbers that didn't make sense, the monopoly man cried.
Then, from the shadows, came an evil villain named Henry Paulson. He threw back his cape, twisted his wiry mustache and proclaimed in a rather slimy voice, "I have a perfect solution for this. Muhahahahahahaaaa!" Then he slithered into the treasury and stole all the taxpayers money, into every cradle and stole every piece of candy from every baby and just for fun, kicked a puppy.
   The taxpayers were hurt and confused, but didn't quite know what to do when IT happened. The shrill sound of millions of crying babies awoke the great magical unicorn from his slumber. He arose from the muck and mire of his swampy home and yelled "What cock-suckery is this?!" He shat a rainbow with such force that it projected him all the way to the Dow Jones Industrial Monster Machine.
   He looked around with horror and in his great displeasure he yelled "IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZORZ!!!" Then he exploded with an enormous force that blew the planet into little bits and that kids, is why we live on the moon.

the end.

[Thurnez Isa]

Why We live on the Moon

   Everyone panicked, the Dow started spitting out horrible numbers that didn't make sense, the monopoly man cried.
Then, from the shadows, came an evil villain named Henry Paulson. He threw back his cape, twisted his wiry mustache and proclaimed in a rather slimy voice, "I have a perfect solution for this. Muhahahahahahaaaa!" Then he slithered into the treasury and stole all the taxpayers money, into every cradle and stole every piece of candy from every baby and just for fun, kicked a puppy.

I like him already

[Cainad (dec.)]

this rules

being drunk just makes it more vivid and funny

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  This is fucking great!

[Pariah]

Why We live on the Moon

   Once upon a time the planet was ruled by a giant vampire computer machine called the Dow Jones Industrial.
   The machine had a bunch of worker drones called the monocle army. They lived inside the belly of the great machine and ate money and interest. Their means of communication was mostly rudimentary grunts and feigned laughter.
"burgha burgha burgha huh huh huh".
   The monocle army served one great purpose to the evil machine- to give out poorly thought out loans and rape the common people of what little money they had. The common people are otherwise known as- the taxpayer. That's you and me, kids.
   One day the Dow Jones machine sneezed and suddenly the taxpayers weren't able to pay the loans that they had received from the army. A chicken with a monocle ran out of the belly of the great machine yelling "Foreclosures, foreclosures! The Dow is falling! The Dow is falling!"
   Everyone panicked, the Dow started spitting out horrible numbers that didn't make sense, the monopoly man cried.
Then, from the shadows, came an evil villain named Henry Paulson. He threw back his cape, twisted his wiry mustache and proclaimed in a rather slimy voice, "I have a perfect solution for this. Muhahahahahahaaaa!" Then he slithered into the treasury and stole all the taxpayers money, into every cradle and stole every piece of candy from every baby and just for fun, kicked a puppy.
   The taxpayers were hurt and confused, but didn't quite know what to do when IT happened. The shrill sound of millions of crying babies awoke the great magical unicorn from his slumber. He arose from the muck and mire of his swampy home and yelled "What cock-suckery is this?!" He shat a rainbow with such force that it projected him all the way to the Dow Jones Industrial Monster Machine.
   He looked around with horror and in his great displeasure he yelled "IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZORZ!!!" Then he exploded with an enormous force that blew the planet into little bits and that kids, is why we live on the moon.

the end.

A story that needs to be shared with the children.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

[Jasper]

I have shared this with someone.  It is now copypasta.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

I have illustrations.
I may do a podcast.



you know....




for the children.

[Adios]

I have illustrations.
I may do a podcast.



you know....




for the children.

DOO EET!

[P3nT4gR4m]

Mumble ... mumble ... CARTESIAN DUALITY ... mumble ... mumble 











also funniest shit I've read all day

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Funny stuff!  Just what I needed for a Friday at work!



DO THE PODCAST!!!!  My children NEED to hear this!

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Mumble ... mumble ... CARTESIAN DUALITY ... mumble ... mumble 











also funniest shit I've read all day

BAHAAHAA!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have illustrations.
I may do a podcast.



you know....




for the children.

ZOMG YES!!!

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

 

it'll have to be later.
or over the weekend maybe.
probably after drinking.

[Aufenthatt]