The second and actual voyage of discovery of the late H.O.V.S Aufenthatt

[Aufenthatt]

Thou
Chapter one

In the beginning there was a log.

Some would say it was an ex-tree, as it was positions quite close to a stump of similar thickness. Others would not. Upon this log were two grooves, one wide and the other narrow. Between them was a custom made drinks holder.
Two men would often sit here an consider the view while talking about very serious important things of no real consequence. And so it remained for many years, stopping only for toilet breaks and to read the paper, sometimes simultaneously.

Until one day they found that they had nothing left to talk about. They would sit staring blankly trying to think of something new. Sometimes one would open his mouth as if to speak, but then close it with a sigh.

After a while they got bored and wandered down the same path to the old town, passing as they went a skeleton holding a sign which read 'doom'. That night, drunk and giggling the two very serious important men of no real consequence got lost on their way back to their sheds. In the morning they found themselves slumped on a log, half naked and holding an inflatable sheep.  

Groaning, Herman dragged himself up onto a sitting position and, while nursing his head, opened his fuzzy reddened eyes. Blinding white light flooded into his vision, but as he grew accustomed to it the world became clearer, and he was struck down with awe.
Before him was an entirely new world, full of different things and places. Everything glimmered with the promise of discovery.
Then, turning his head to the left, Herman O.V.S Aufenthatt the very important and serious man, noticed that he was in fact perched upon his own log overlooking his own world, however he was sitting in the groove of his friend the also very important and serious, Dr Krancanius Mad. This slight change of angle had opened up a third dimension of existence to Herman, who suddenly realized that in all his time of thinking he had never really looked upon the earth and seen its beauty.
It was around this time Kranc began to vomit into a discarded wellington boot, stopping briefly to note how shitty the world looked today.