The Book of Prophecy ~ As Written by Payne

[Payne]

Sorry Roger, I fixed that for you.

Also Hoops, changed Eldora into Hugh.

[Payne]

4:1 Hustle the Moderator, unto all people, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth; Peace be multiplied unto you.
4:2 I thought it good to shew the signs and wonders that the high Admin hath wrought toward me.
4:3 How great are his emoticons! and how mighty is his database! his Moderatorship is an everlasting Moderatorship, and his dominion is from server to server.
4:4 I Hustle was at rest in mine board, and flourishing in my forum:
4:5 I saw a dream which made me afraid, and the thoughts upon my bed and the visions of my head troubled me.
4:6 Therefore made I a decree to bring in all the wise men of Pimpsville before me, that they might make known unto me the interpretation of the dream.
4:7 Then came in the magicians, the astrologers, the Spags, and the soothsayers: and I told the dream before them; but they did not make known unto me the interpretation thereof.
4:8 But at the last Payne came in before me, whose name was The Motherfucking Mesiah, according to the name of my Admin, and in whom is the spirit of the holy gods: and before him I told the dream, saying,
4:9 O The Motherfucking Mesiah, master of the magicians, because I know that the spirit of the holy gods is in thee, and no secret troubleth thee, tell me the visions of my dream that I have seen, and the interpretation thereof.
4:10 Thus were the visions of mine head in my bed; I saw, and behold a longcat in the midst of the earth, and the height thereof was great.
4:11 The longcat  grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the end of all the earth:
4:12 The fur thereof was fair, and the claws thereof much, and in it was meat for all: the beasts of the field had shadow under it, and the fowls of the heaven dwelt in the fur thereof, and all flesh was fed of it.
4:13 I saw in the visions of my head upon my bed, and, behold, a watcher and an holy one came down from heaven;
4:14 He cried aloud, and said thus, Hew down the longcat, and cut off his legs, shake off his fur, and scatter his claws: let the beasts get away from under it, and the fowls from his fur:
4:15 Nevertheless leave his tail in the earth, even with a band of iron and brass, in the tender grass of the field; and let it be wet with the dew of heaven, and let his portion be with the beasts in the grass of the earth:
4:16 Let his heart be changed from a cats, and let seven times pass over him.
4:17 This matter is by the decree of the watchers, and the demand by the word of the holy ones: to the intent that the living may know that the most High ruleth in the Moderatorship of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will, and setteth up over it the basest of men.
4:18 This dream I Moderator Hustle have seen. Now thou, O The Motherfucking Mesiah, declare the interpretation thereof, forasmuch as all the wise men of my Moderatorship are not able to make known unto me the interpretation: but thou art able; for the spirit of the holy gods is in thee.
4:19 Then Payne, whose name was The Motherfucking Mesiah, was astonied for one hour, and his thoughts troubled him. The Moderator spake, and said, The Motherfucking Mesiah, let not the dream, or the interpretation thereof, trouble thee. The Motherfucking Mesiah answered and said, My lord, the dream be to them that hate thee, and the interpretation thereof to thine enemies.
4:20 The longcat that thou sawest, which grew, and was strong, whose height reached unto the heaven, and the sight thereof to all the earth;
4:21 Whose fur was fair, and the claws thereof much, and in it was meat for all; under which the beasts of the field dwelt, and within whose fur the fowls of the heaven had their habitation:
4:22 It is thou, O Moderator, that art grown and become strong: for thy greatness is grown, and reacheth unto heaven, and thy dominion to the end of the earth.
4:23 And whereas the Moderator saw a watcher and an holy one coming down from heaven, and saying, Hew the cat down, and destroy it; yet leave the stump its tail thereof in the earth, even with a band of iron and brass, in the tender grass of the field; and let it be wet with the dew of heaven, and let his portion be with the beasts of the field, till seven times pass over him;
4:24 This is the interpretation, O Moderator, and this is the decree of the most High, which is come upon my lord the Moderator:
4:25 That they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of hostile forums, and they shall make thee to T.V. dinners, and they shall wet thee with the dew of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and seven times shall pass over thee, till thou know that the most High ruleth in the Moderatorship of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
4:26 And whereas they commanded to leave the stump of the tail; thy Moderatorship shall be sure unto thee, after that thou shalt have known that the heavens do rule.
4:27 Wherefore, O Moderator, let my counsel be acceptable unto thee, and break off thy sins by righteousness, and thine iniquities by shewing no mercy to the trolls; if it may be a lengthening of thy tranquillity.
4:28All this came upon the Moderator Hustle.
4:29 At the end of twelve months he walked in the palace of the Moderatorship of Pimpsville.
4:30 The Moderator spake, and said, Is not this great Pimpsville, that I have built for the house of the Moderatorship by the might of my power, and for the honour of my majesty?
4:31 While the word was in the Moderator's mouth, there fell a voice from heaven, saying, O Moderator Hustle, to thee it is spoken; The Moderatorship is departed from thee.
4:32 And they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of hostile forums: they shall make thee to eat T.V. dinners, and seven times shall pass over thee, until thou know that the most High ruleth in the Moderatorship of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
4:33 The same hour was the thing fulfilled upon Hustle: and he was driven from men, and did eat T.V. dinners, and his body was wet with the dew of Pabst Blue Ribbon, till his hairs were grown like eagles' feathers, and his nails like birds' claws.
4:34 And at the end of the days I Hustle lifted up mine eyes unto heaven, and mine understanding returned unto me, and I blessed the most High, and I praised and honoured him that liveth for ever, whose dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his Moderatorship is from generation to generation:
4:35 And all the inhabitants of the PD are reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and among the inhabitants of the PD: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou?
4:36 At the same time my reason returned unto me; and for the glory of my Moderatorship, mine honour and brightness returned unto me; and my counsellors and my lords sought unto me; and I was established in my Moderatorship, and excellent majesty was added unto me.
4:37 Now I Hustle praise and extol and honour the Moderator of heaven, all whose works are truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase.

[P3nT4gR4m]

4:31 is not properly formatted with the newness of line, and with the returneth of carriage and with the boldness of legend 

[LMNO]

This is fucking incredible.

[Payne]

5:1 LMNO the Moderator made a great feast to a thousand of his lords, and drank wine before the thousand.
5:2 LMNO, whiles he tasted the wine, commanded to bring the golden and silver vessels which his father Hustle had taken out of the temple which was in Apple Talk; that the Moderator, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, might drink therein.
5:3 Then they brought the golden vessels that were taken out of the temple of the house of Admin which was at Apple Talk; and the Moderator, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, drank in them.
5:4 They drank wine, and praised the gods of goatse, and of tubgirl, of 2girls1cup, of midget pr0n, of lube, and of big gay cowboys.
5:5 In the same hour came forth fingers of a man's hand, and wrote over against the candlestick upon the plaister of the wall of the Moderator's palace: and the Moderator saw the part of the hand that wrote.
5:6 Then the Moderator's countenance was changed, and his thoughts troubled him, so that his bowels were loosed, and his knees smote one against another.
5:7 The Moderator cried aloud to bring in the astrologers, the Spags, and the soothsayers. And the Moderator spake, and said to the wise men of Pimpsville, Whosoever shall read this writing, and shew me the interpretation thereof, shall be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about his neck, and shall be the third ruler in the Moderatorship.
5:8 Then came in all the Moderator's wise men: but they could not read the writing, nor make known to the Moderator the interpretation thereof.
5:9 Then was Moderator LMNO greatly troubled, and his countenance was changed in him, and his lords were astonied.
5:10 Now the queen by reason of the words of the Moderator and his lords came into the banquet house: and the queen spake and said, O Moderator, live for ever: let not thy thoughts trouble thee, nor let thy countenance be changed:
5:11 There is a man in thy Moderatorship, in whom is the spirit of the holy gods; and in the days of thy father light and understanding and wisdom, like the wisdom of the gods, was found in him; whom the Moderator Hustle thy father, the Moderator, I say, thy father, made master of the magicians, astrologers, Spags, and soothsayers;
5:12 Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Payne, whom the Moderator named The Motherfucking Mesiah: now let Payne be called, and he will shew the interpretation.
5:13 Then was Payne brought in before the Moderator. And the Moderator spake and said unto Payne, Art thou that Payne, which art of the children of the captivity of PD, whom the Moderator my father brought out of Jewry?
5:14 I have even heard of thee, that the spirit of the gods is in thee, and that light and understanding and excellent wisdom is found in thee.
5:15 And now the wise men, the astrologers, have been brought in before me, that they should read this writing, and make known unto me the interpretation thereof: but they could not shew the interpretation of the thing:
5:16 And I have heard of thee, that thou canst make interpretations, and dissolve doubts: now if thou canst read the writing, and make known to me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third ruler in the Moderatorship.
5:17 Then Payne answered and said before the Moderator, Let thy gifts be to thyself, and give thy rewards to another; yet I will read the writing unto the Moderator, and make known to him the interpretation.
5:18 O thou Moderator, the most high Admin gave Hustle thy father a Moderatorship, and majesty, and glory, and honour:
5:19 And for the majesty that he gave him, all boards, forums, and servers, trembled and feared before him: whom he would he slew; and whom he would he kept alive; and whom he would he set up; and whom he would he put down.
5:20 But when his heart was lifted up, and his mind hardened in pride, he was deposed from his kingly throne, and they took his glory from him:
5:21 And he was driven from the sons of men; and his heart was made like the beasts, and his dwelling was with the wild asses: they fed him with T.V. dinners, and his body was wet with Pabst Blue Ribbon; till he knew that the most high Admin ruled in the Moderatorship of men, and that he appointeth over it whomsoever he will.
5:22 And thou his son, O LMNO, hast not humbled thine heart, though thou knewest all this;
5:23 But hast lifted up thyself against the Lord of heaven; and they have brought the vessels of his house before thee, and thou, and thy lords, thy wives, and thy concubines, have drunk wine in them; and thou hast praised the gods of goatse, and of tubgirl, of 2girls1cup, of midget pr0n, of lube, and of big gay cowboys, which see not, nor hear, nor know: and the Admin in whose hand thy breath is, and whose are all thy ways, hast thou not glorified:
5:24 Then was the part of the hand sent from him; and this writing was written.
5:25 And this is the writing that was written, PR0K, PR0K, WTFITF, WAYSA.
5:26 This is the interpretation of the thing: PR0K; The Great Admin hath eaten of thy Moderatorship, and finished it.
5:27 WTFITF; The Great Admin ate most well of thy pr0k, but was found yet wanting.
5:28 WAYSA; The Great Admin hath decreed thy Moderatorship is divided, and given to the Canadians and Scots.
5:29 Then commanded LMNO, and they clothed Payne with scarlet, and put a chain of gold about his neck, and made a proclamation concerning him, that he should be the third ruler in the Moderatorship.
5:30 In that night was LMNO the Moderator of the Spags slain.
5:31 And Hoopla the Canadian took the Moderatorship, being about threescore and two years old.

[LMNO]

Fie!  I am slain!


:dies:

[the other anonymous]

I still don't get it.

[Payne]

6:1 It pleased Hoopla to set over the Moderatorship an hundred and twenty princes, which should be over the whole Moderatorship;
6:2 And over these three presidents; of whom Payne was first: that the princes might give accounts unto them, and the Moderator should have no damage.
6:3 Then this Payne was preferred above the presidents and princes, because an excellent spirit was in him; and the Moderator thought to set him over the whole realm.
6:4 Then the presidents and princes sought to find occasion against Payne concerning the Moderatorship; but they could find none occasion nor fault; forasmuch as he was faithful, neither was there any error or fault found in him.
6:5 Then said these men, We shall not find any occasion against this Payne, except we find it against him concerning the law of his Great Admin.
6:6 Then these presidents and princes assembled together to the Moderator, and said thus unto him, Moderator Hoopla, live for ever.
6:7 All the presidents of the Moderatorship, the governors, and the princes, the counsellors, and the captains, have consulted together to establish a royal statute, and to make a firm decree, that whosoever shall ask a petition of any Admin or man for thirty days, save of thee, O Moderator, he shall be cast into the den of lions.
6:8 Now, O Moderator, establish the decree, and sign the writing, that it be not changed, according to the law of the Canadians and Scots, which altereth not.
6:9 Wherefore Moderator Hoopla signed the writing and the decree.
6:10 Now when Payne knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Apple Talk, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his Admin, as he did aforetime.
6:11 Then these men assembled, and found Payne praying and making supplication before his Admin.
6:12 Then they came near, and spake before the Moderator concerning the Moderator's decree; Hast thou not signed a decree, that every man that shall ask a petition of any Admin or man within thirty days, save of thee, O Moderator, shall be cast into TCC? The Moderator answered and said, The thing is true, according to the law of the Canadians and Scots, which altereth not.
6:13 Then answered they and said before the Moderator, That Payne, which is of the children of the captivity of PD, regardeth not thee, O Moderator, nor the decree that thou hast signed, but maketh his petition three times a day.
6:14 Then the Moderator, when he heard these words, was sore displeased with himself, and set his heart on Payne to deliver him: and he laboured till the going down of the sun to deliver him.
6:15 Then these men assembled unto the Moderator, and said unto the Moderator, Know, O Moderator, that the law of the Canadians and Scots is, That no decree nor statute which the Moderator establisheth may be changed.
6:16 Then the Moderator commanded, and they brought Payne, and cast him into TCC. Now the Moderator spake and said unto Payne, Thy Admin whom thou servest continually, he will deliver thee.
6:17 And a stone was brought, and laid upon the mouth of the den; and the Moderator sealed it with his own signet, and with the signet of his lords; that the purpose might not be changed concerning Payne.
6:18 Then the Moderator went to his palace, and passed the night fasting: neither were instruments of musick brought before him: and his sleep went from him.
6:19 Then the Moderator arose very early in the morning, and went in haste unto TCC.
6:20 And when he came to the den, he cried with a lamentable voice unto Payne: and the Moderator spake and said to Payne, O Payne, servant of the living Admin, is thy Admin, whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee from the Pagans?
6:21 Then said Payne unto the Moderator, O Moderator, live for ever.
6:22 My Admin hath sent his Beautiful Fairy Princess, and hath shut the Pagans mouths, that they have not flamed me: forasmuch as before him innocency was found in me; and also before thee, O Moderator, have I done no hurt.
6:23 Then was the Moderator exceedingly glad for him, and commanded that they should take Payne up out of the den. So Payne was taken up out of the den, and no manner of butthurt was found upon him, because he believed in his Admin.
6:24 And the Moderator commanded, and they brought those men which had accused Payne, and they cast them into TCC, them, their children, and their wives; and the Pagans had the mastery of them, and brake all their bones in pieces or ever they came at the bottom of the den.
6:25 Then Moderator Hoopla wrote unto all boards, forums, and servers, that dwell in all the tubes; Peace be multiplied unto you.
6:26 I make a decree, That in every dominion of my Moderatorship men tremble and fear before the Admin of Payne: for he is the living Admin, and stedfast for ever, and his Moderatorship that which shall not be destroyed, and his dominion shall be even unto the end.
6:27 He delivereth and rescueth, and he worketh signs and wonders in heaven and in earth, who hath delivered Payne from the power of the Pagans.
6:28 So this Payne prospered in the reign of Hoopla, and in the reign of Synaptyx the Scot.

[Adios]

Payne has truly died and been resurrected as a higher being.

[Payne]

7:1 In the first year of LMNO Moderator of Pimpsville Payne had a dream and visions of his head upon his bed: then he wrote the dream, and told the sum of the matters.
7:2 Payne spake and said, I saw in my vision by night, and, behold, the four winds of the heaven strove upon the great sea.
7:3 And four great trolls came up from the sea, diverse one from another.
7:4 The first was like a goth, and had diverse prejudices: I beheld till the skin thereof was pierced with hooks , and it was lifted up from the earth upon iron chains, and made stand upon the feet as a man, and a man's heart was given to it.
7:5 And behold another troll, a second, like to a clown, and it raised up itself on one side, and it had three musickal insruments in the mouth of it between the teeth of it: and they said thus unto it, Arise, produce outlandish sounds upon Man.
7:6 After this I beheld, and lo another, like an attention whore, which had upon it four heads; the troll had also two faces upon each head; and butthurt was given to it.
7:7 After this I saw in the night visions, and behold a fourth troll, dreadful and terrible, and strong exceedingly; and it had great iron teeth: it devoured and brake in pieces, and stamped the residue with the feet of it: and it was diverse from all the troll that were before it; and it had ten accounts.
7:8 I considered the accounts, and, behold, there came up among them another alt, before whom there were three of the first accounts plucked up by the passwords: and, behold, in this account were many posts, and a mouth speaking great things.
7:9 I beheld till the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of days did sit, whose garment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool: his throne was like the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire.
7:10 A fiery stream issued and came forth from before him: thousand thousands ministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him: the judgment was set, and the admin panels were opened.
7:11 I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the alt account spake: I beheld even till the troll was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to burning flame wars.
7:12 As concerning the rest of the trolls, they had their dominion taken away: yet their lives were prolonged for a season and time.
7:13 I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him.
7:14 And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a Moderatorship, that all boards, forums, and servers, should serve him: his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his Moderatorship that which shall not be destroyed.
7:15 I Payne was grieved in my spirit in the midst of my body, and the visions of my head troubled me.
7:16 I came near unto one of them that stood by, and asked him the truth of all this. So he told me, and made me know the interpretation of the things.
7:17 These great trolls, which are four, are four Moderators, which shall arise out of the earth.
7:18 But the WSotTC of the most High shall take the Moderatorship, and possess the Moderatorship for ever, even for ever and ever.
7:19 Then I would know the truth of the fourth troll, which was diverse from all the others, exceeding dreadful, whose teeth were of iron, and his nails of brass; which devoured, brake in pieces, and stamped the residue with his feet;
7:20 And of his ten accounts, and of the other which came up, and before whom three fell; even of that account that had many posts, and a mouth that spake very great things, whose look was more stout than his fellows.
7:21 I beheld, and the same account made war with the WSotTC, and prevailed against them;
7:22Until the Ancient of days came, and judgment was given to the WSotTC of the most High; and the time came that the WSotTC possessed the Moderatorship.
7:23 Thus he said, The fourth troll shall be the fourth Moderatorship upon earth, which shall be diverse from all Moderatorships, and shall devour the whole earth, and shall tread it down, and break it in pieces.
7:24 And the ten accounts out of this Moderatorship are ten Moderators that shall arise: and another shall rise after them; and he shall be diverse from the first, and he shall subdue three Moderators.
7:25 And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the WSotTC of the most High, and think to change times and laws: and they shall be given into his hand until a time and times and the dividing of time.
7:26 But the judgment shall sit, and they shall take away his dominion, to consume and to destroy it unto the end.
7:27 And the Moderatorship and dominion, and the greatness of the Moderatorship under the whole heaven, shall be given to the people of the WSotTC of the most High, whose Moderatorship is an everlasting Moderatorship, and all dominions shall serve and obey him.
7:28 Hitherto is the end of the matter. As for me Payne, my cogitations much troubled me, and my countenance changed in me: but I kept the matter in my heart.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh my god.

[Payne]

8:1 In the third year of the reign of Moderator LMNO a vision appeared unto me, even unto me Payne, after that which appeared unto me at the first.
8:2 And I saw in a vision; and it came to pass, when I saw, that I was at Meta Forum in the palace, which is in the province of Site Matters; and I saw in a vision, and I was by the river of Limburgatory.
8:3 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and saw, and, behold, there stood before the river a poster which had two accounts: and the two accounts had high post counts; but one was higher than the other, and the higher came up last.
8:4I saw the poster pushing westward, and northward, and southward; so that no other poster might stand before him, neither was there any that could deliver out of his hand; but he did according to his will, and became great.
8:5 And as I was considering, behold, another poster came from the west on the face of the whole earth, and touched not the ground: and the goat had a notable account.
8:6 And he came to the poster that had two accounts, which I had seen standing before the river, and ran unto him in the fury of his power.
8:7 And I saw him come close unto the first poster, and he was moved with choler against him, and smote the asstard, and outed his two accounts: and there was no power in the poster to stand before him, but he cast him down to the ground, and stamped upon him: and there was none that could deliver the poster out of his hand.
8:8 Therefore the new poster waxed very great: and when he was strong, the great account was broken; and for it came up four notable alts toward the four winds of heaven.
8:9 And out of one of them came forth a little spaggoty alt, which waxed exceeding great, toward the south, and toward the east, and toward the pleasant land.
8:10 And it waxed great, even to the host of heaven; and it cast down some of the host and of the stars to the ground, and stamped upon them.
8:11 Yea, he magnified himself even to the prince of the host, and by him the daily sacrifice was taken away, and the place of the sanctuary was cast down.
8:12 And an host was given him against the daily sacrifice by reason of transgression, and it cast down the truth to the ground; and it practised, and prospered.
8:13 Then I heard one of the WSotTC speaking, and another of the WSotTC said unto that him  which spake, How long shall be the vision concerning the daily sacrifice, and the transgression of desolation, to give both the sanctuary and the host to be trodden under foot?
8:14 And he said unto me, Unto two thousand and three hundred days; then shall the board be cleansed.
8:15 And it came to pass, when I, even I Payne, had seen the vision, and sought for the meaning, then, behold, there stood before me as the appearance of a man.
8:16 And I heard a man's voice between the banks of Limburgatory, which called, and said, Roger, make this man to understand the vision.
8:17 So he came near where I stood: and when he came, I was afraid, and fell upon my face: but he said unto me, Understand, O son of man: for at the time of the end shall be the vision.
8:18 Now as he was speaking with me, I was in a deep sleep on my face toward the ground: but he touched me, and set me upright.
8:19 And he said, Behold, I will make thee know what shall be in the last end of the indignation: for at the time appointed the end shall be.
8:20 The poster which thou sawest having two Accounts are the Moderators of Canada and Scotland.
8:21 And the second poster is the Moderator of Ireland: and the great account that is with him is the first Moderator.
8:22 Now that being broken, whereas four stood up for it, four Moderatorships shall stand up out of the nation, but not in his power.
8:23 And in the latter time of their Moderatorship, when the transgressors are come to the full, a Moderator of fierce countenance, and understanding dark sentences, shall stand up.
8:24 And his power shall be mighty, but not by his own power: and he shall destroy wonderfully, and shall prosper, and practise, and shall destroy the mighty and the holy people.
8:25 And through his policy also he shall cause craft to prosper in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart, and by peace shall destroy many: he shall also stand up against the Prince of princes; but he shall be broken without hand.
8:26 And the vision of the evening and the morning which was told is true: wherefore shut thou up the vision within a secret forum; for it shall be for many days.
8:27 And I Payne fainted, and was sick certain days; afterward I rose up, and did the Moderator's business; and I was astonished at the vision, but none understood it.

[LMNO]

How the fuck are you able to do that so fast?

[Payne]

I had most of it typed out when I was offline.

I'm just tweaking it and making a few changes here and there now.

[LMNO]

Well, it's awesome.

I bow before your prophecies.