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Dear Mr. Jones

Started by Arafelis, June 10, 2009, 06:22:59 AM

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Arafelis

June 10, 2009, 06:22:59 AM Last Edit: June 10, 2009, 06:06:42 PM by Arafelis
(k) me
would be better with some indents
too lazy to figure out forum tables
-----

Dear Mr. Jones,


We're writing to inform you that your application has been received and is undergoing processing.  
HOwever, there are a number of irregularities that we wish to clear up first.  In order to facilitate
this process, we've enclosed a reproduction of the application with lines marked.  I have been
instructed to provide you with a step-by-step examination of the document, so that our
concerned may be addressed to the satisfaction of all parties.


Please direct your attention to lines 9 and 17.  HEre you will see that you have entered your social
security number as per the instructions in paragraph 4.  HOwever, we noticed that in the first case
you entered ***-***-**6*, and in the second case, ***-***-**5*.  It is imperative, Mr. Jones,
that we HAve your correct social security number in order for our paperwork to process correctly.  
HAHOpefully you see the issue here: you cannot be two people at once!


Continuing along, we HAve another concern with line 22.  In this section, you were entered to fill
out your blood type; however, you have entered the letter "C," which does not correspond to an
actual bloodHA type.  As documented by your insurance packet in section 8(c), you HAvmust to
enter your blood type accurately. If you are unsureHE of your blood type, your doctor should be
abHOle to determine it with a simple testHE.  HEHAHA.


The next issue that our audHAitors HEncountered was on line 451 HEHE.  Here we are attempting
to analyze your sexual HOHO history WHORE as part of a standard battery of logical psycho-
logical tests HAHA.  Unfortunately, you left the SHOOTING blank in which you were supposed to
enterHE your average number of orgasms per week EMPTY.  HAHAHAH.  Our auditors believe it
extremely unlikely that you have no orgHAsms on average each week, and HEHEHE even if this
were the case, you were instructed to enter a numeral 00000000000000))))-p.  Please update
this blWANK with accurate data.


Finally, there seems to be a conHAHAHAHcern with tHEHEHEHEHE mandatory HOHEHEHOHAHAH.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
SHITCOCKWHOREFUCKCUNTASSBITCHNEWT


Respectfully yours,
Daniel Wilson, esq

DOUCHENOZZLE
"OTOH, I shook up your head...I must be doing something right.What's wrong with schisms?  Malaclypse the younger DID say "Discordians need to DISORGANIZE."  If my babbling causes a few sparks, well hell...it beats having us backslide into our own little greyness." - The Good Reverend Roger

The Wizard

#1
June 10, 2009, 06:28:47 AM
Huh. I think he's angry.
Insanity we trust.

Arafelis

#2
June 10, 2009, 06:29:40 AM
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on June 10, 2009, 06:28:47 AM
Huh. I think he's angry.

It was that goddamn newt.
"OTOH, I shook up your head...I must be doing something right.What's wrong with schisms?  Malaclypse the younger DID say "Discordians need to DISORGANIZE."  If my babbling causes a few sparks, well hell...it beats having us backslide into our own little greyness." - The Good Reverend Roger

The Wizard

#3
June 10, 2009, 06:30:38 AM
My apologies. Slipper little bastards.
Insanity we trust.

Murmur

#4
June 10, 2009, 09:07:36 AM
I like the part about the douchenozzle.

New words are fun!
Tolerable Terror for Toddlers Legionaire, Nixon Division™

"Onlookers will be horrified and amazed by the sheer volume of fluid."--TGRR

"SaraLee, I say unto you!  If ye have a cake and halve it, and then halve it yet again, you would have four quarters and yet still not have a dollar.  Eat of that cake, for it is cake which is NOT cake, which ye may have half a mind to have at a reasonable price, yet in indecision achieve satori with said stale Moon Pie.  That's what you get when YOU FUCK WITH US." - DOUR

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
June 11, 2009, 05:14:42 AM
 :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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