Rant 38: Serious Discordians? (The Jihad is On!)

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 38
Serious Discordians?

“Those who resist Eris are gray, small-minded, and afraid of their own silliness. Slap them at once.”
-Eris’s squirrel messenger

“A horse is a pig that can not fool a Zen master.”
-H.B.T.  Epistle to the Squirrels 17:3

“Semper Non Sequitur!”
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

“The conclusion you jump to may be your own.”
-Discordian Catma

That’s it! I thought I could get out of the rant business at least for a while. I did try but something has pulled me back into it. And Eris will nag me to no end unless I spout. So without further ado….

The appearance of those calling themselves ‘serious Discordians’ has given me pause to reflect upon this irreverent Erisian movement of which I am a part through no fault of my own. Are they fucking serious about their serious ‘Discordianism’? I always thought that those who wanted to become Fundamentalists would have a much better time of it by joining other religions, such as Christianity, Islam, or Consumerianity. But no, we have some people claiming to be serious real-deal Discordians as opposed to all others who they feel are the ‘posers’ (or whatever else the current en vogue term for ‘no-good-shit’ is at the moment). Let me spell out my stance personally…

Do you serious ‘Discordians’ actually believe that I should become as humorless and serious as you? Do you even realize that by calling yourselves serious and trying to snub others for not being up to your par is a direct insulting affront to Eris? And if it affronts Eris, you had best fucking well wish you never cross my path. (But too late.) I will have you jaked until you break down in a snibbling pool of snot, all the while laughing my ass off at the entertainment value of the whole spectacle. Eris invented you ‘serious’ Discordians to be the continual source of targets that you are. People like you are here simply to serve as warnings to others. That is the whole point to your existence. The funniest thing is, you will never get the joke.

The funniest spectacle is witnessing you serious ‘Discordians’ quoting the Principia to back up your supposed seriousness. Hahahaha! You miss a lot, don’t you? Ever read the last Barf of the Pentabarf?…you know, the one which goes “A Discordian is prohibited from believing what s/he reads.” Let me tell you serious Discordians what I use the Principia for…emergency toilet paper, coasters, and for swatting flies.

Do you think that Eris will love you better if you are serious? How stupid.

Let me forewarn those of you who would try to infect Discordianism with your seriousness, since you all have obviously missed out on all the times Fundamentalists like you have tried to do this before. Your seriousness makes you a prime target for the likes of me and others like me. I have been at this Discordian racket for some years now, and though I don’t take too kindly to you serious ‘Discordians’ mucking about with my irreligion, I do appreciate you as a gift from Eris. She gives gifts like you to us simply for the practice of Her bitchslap. Either way you see it, you are OWNED. Not only are you OWNED, but you are DUMB trying to prove your seriousness by banishing all the ODD and Damned-things that won’t fit your neato category of what you think Discordianism is.

Excuse me one second. [*vomits from laughing too hard at the fools who think that such a stupidity as a ‘serious Discordian’ should be taken seriously*]

Repent of your sins or not. But whatever you serious ‘Discordians’ do, please keep yapping. You are the reason why we invented the game of sink back during the reign of Emperor Julian. You are the reason why Bush became an Idiot Boy Emperor even after his canonization as a Discordian Saint. You are the reason why we have had inquisitions, bombings, gassings, and other nasty historical horrors. You are the reason why psychiatrists are in business. You are the reason why there are things like Starbucks or Yuppie Bars. You take a good thing and kill it with your seriousness. You don’t even realize the con-job Eris has pulled on you.

You go around trying to tell other Discordians how to be proper Discordians. What? Do you even know what the word Discordian means? Or did you miss out on that little prime detail too? You think you are free-minded and then go around trying to tell others how to become free-minded. Excuse me, you sorry excuse for would-be liberators, but we each liberate our own damned minds. And please accept my real gratitude for providing us all with examples of closed and enslaved minds. These examples will be enough to spur the rest of us on in our endeavors. Thank Eris that it’s all so funny! All Hail Discordia!

There has been some flak from you serious ‘Discordians’ about ‘purging the posers’ and other such drivel you obviously picked up from hanging around too many teen-aged punk shows (where people actually think that that behavior makes them cool, or something). Fine. Fire away! I hereby declare you serious Discordians to be immediate targets of our jihad. We Children of Eris are infinitely creative in our mindfucking endeavors, so please rest assured in at least this much…It will be fanfuckingtastically entertaining. Hoots will be raised all around. Watching you serious Discordians get mind-snappingly angry is one of our favorite pastimes. We know who you are. You know who you think you are. And Eris help you if you don’t wake up. But let me paraphrase the Subgenii on this one “If you can’t take a joke, fuck you!” You want to be serious? Try one of the other religions for Bobsake, go watch a video, or do something else with your lives. Discordianism will always be humorous no matter how many try to seriously DUMB it down and purge all the ODDities from it. You serious ‘Discordians’ are sorely outnumbered. So shape up or be our willing targets for all sorts of nonsense pranks, otherwise get the fuck off the ship. I have sank the bobdamned thing. The joke is on you. No…the joke is you.

Your snobbish attitudes of snubbery have gone on long enough. And now it is time for the Golden Apple of Discord.

All of you serious ‘Discordians’ are hereby excommunicated, but not snubbed, from this day forth, in whatever that’s supposed to mean. Your only point of existence now is to serve as a warning to any future would-be Fundamentalists. Now, stand still a moment, it makes our job easier.

“You can’t tell a goddess how to behave.”
-Eris (the Pop-Tart verses)

(Confusion 7th, 3170)

[null-n-void]

,ÄúSemper Non Sequitur!,Äù
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

sequo is a deponent... hmm... "it always doesn't follow"??

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

I have a confession to make.


i only read like half of that and then stopped...

then I started again...


....* prepares to be stabbinated*....



can I carry your golf bag?!?!?

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

,ÄúSemper Non Sequitur!,Äù
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

sequo is a deponent... hmm... "it always doesn't follow"??

always not follow?!?!?



can I carry your golf bag in front of you?!?!?

[null-n-void]

Oh, and shut up. Stupid ass "serious" discordians keep ranting...

heh heh

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

*fills a hat full of jello*


and you'll need this if your going to jihad.

[null-n-void]

,ÄúSemper Non Sequitur!,Äù
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

Is that supposed to be an imperative? It's indicative. Passive imperatives use passive endings, although in the singular they use the alternate passive ending "-re". so in the singular: "semper non sequere" (even though that looks like a present active infinitive, it's not). in the plural: "semper non sequimini".

Those both mean "never follow".




At least I think so, I've only had a year of latin...
can anyone verify?

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

,ÄúSemper Non Sequitur!,Äù
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

Is that supposed to be an imperative? It's indicative. Passive imperatives use passive endings, although in the singular they use the alternate passive ending "-re". so in the singular: "semper non sequere" (even though that looks like a present active infinitive, it's not). in the plural: "semper non sequemini".

Those both mean "never follow".




At least I think so, I've only had a year of latin...

I've taken french italian and spanish... what the hell do I know about this... still

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

“Semper Non Sequitur!”
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

Is that supposed to be an imperative? It's indicative. Passive imperatives use passive endings, although in the singular they use the alternate passive ending "-re". so in the singular: "semper non sequere" (even though that looks like a present active infinitive, it's not). in the plural: "semper non sequemini".

Those both mean "never follow".




At least I think so, I've only had a year of latin...
can anyone verify?

Do you want me to change it to "Semper Non Sequemini!"?

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

,ÄúSemper Non Sequitur!,Äù
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

Is that supposed to be an imperative? It's indicative. Passive imperatives use passive endings, although in the singular they use the alternate passive ending "-re". so in the singular: "semper non sequere" (even though that looks like a present active infinitive, it's not). in the plural: "semper non sequemini".

Those both mean "never follow".




At least I think so, I've only had a year of latin...
can anyone verify?

Do you want me to change it to "Semper Non Sequemini!"?

you're just gonna wipe your ass with it anyway... but if it will make you feel better.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Oh, and shut up. Stupid ass "serious" discordians keep ranting...

heh heh

I assert that the rant contains many jokes. Read it again, if you wish...

heh heh.

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

Discordian racket ...



a din... you are good at that... funny joke... see he's funny... I got your back...


* walks on ahead*

[null-n-void]

Do you want me to change it to "Semper Non Sequemini!"?

I'm just trying to figure out what it means.

I assert that the rant contains many jokes. Read it again, if you wish...

Actually, I didn't read it. wuz ju?üt kidding.
I'm gonna go read it now

[chaosgraves:agentoferis]

Driving her point home with a rare display of argumentative exuberance, Dean adds, "There might have been a time when it was important to defend democracy on the basis of reason or to appeal to the somehow general will of a somehow unified public. That time has passed. Welcome to the 21st century. Stories of rational persons making decisions freely and equally as they talk together in a public sphere no longer command much mindshare."

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

“Semper Non Sequitur!”
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

Is that supposed to be an imperative? It's indicative. Passive imperatives use passive endings, although in the singular they use the alternate passive ending "-re". so in the singular: "semper non sequere" (even though that looks like a present active infinitive, it's not). in the plural: "semper non sequemini".

Those both mean "never follow".




At least I think so, I've only had a year of latin...
can anyone verify?

Do you want me to change it to "Semper Non Sequemini!"?

you're just gonna wipe your ass with it anyway... but if it will make you feel better.

I do have some nice soft toilet paper that runs through the printer nicely, so, that is a good suggestion. Thanks!

However I like Semper Non Sequemini as it sounds like something that could be a university motto.  Hmmm...
::Thinks about making banners to stick over Loyola's (the local Uni) motto signs::