Rant 38: Serious Discordians? (The Jihad is On!)

[Donkeyotay]

*pies Latin*

[Anonymous]

Rant 38
Serious Discordians?

,ÄúThose who resist Eris are gray, small-minded, and afraid of their own silliness. Slap them at once.,Äù
-Eris,Äôs squirrel messenger

,ÄúA horse is a pig that can not fool a Zen master.,Äù
-H.B.T.  Epistle to the Squirrels 17:3

,ÄúSemper Non Sequitur!,Äù
-Ancient Discordian Slogan

,ÄúThe conclusion you jump to may be your own.,Äù
-Discordian Catma

That,Äôs it! I thought I could get out of the rant business at least for a while. I did try but something has pulled me back into it. And Eris will nag me to no end unless I spout. So without further ado,Ķ.

The appearance of those calling themselves ,Äòserious Discordians,Äô has given me pause to reflect upon this irreverent Erisian movement of which I am a part through no fault of my own. Are they fucking serious about their serious ,ÄòDiscordianism,Äô? I always thought that those who wanted to become Fundamentalists would have a much better time of it by joining other religions, such as Christianity, Islam, or Consumerianity. But no, we have some people claiming to be serious real-deal Discordians as opposed to all others who they feel are the ,Äòposers,Äô (or whatever else the current en vogue term for ,Äòno-good-shit,Äô is at the moment). Let me spell out my stance personally,Ķ

Do you serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô actually believe that I should become as humorless and serious as you? Do you even realize that by calling yourselves serious and trying to snub others for not being up to your par is a direct insulting affront to Eris? And if it affronts Eris, you had best fucking well wish you never cross my path. (But too late.) I will have you jaked until you break down in a snibbling pool of snot, all the while laughing my ass off at the entertainment value of the whole spectacle. Eris invented you ,Äòserious,Äô Discordians to be the continual source of targets that you are. People like you are here simply to serve as warnings to others. That is the whole point to your existence. The funniest thing is, you will never get the joke.

The funniest spectacle is witnessing you serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô quoting the Principia to back up your supposed seriousness. Hahahaha! You miss a lot, don,Äôt you? Ever read the last Barf of the Pentabarf?,Ķyou know, the one which goes ,ÄúA Discordian is prohibited from believing what s/he reads.,Äù Let me tell you serious Discordians what I use the Principia for,Ķemergency toilet paper, coasters, and for swatting flies.

Do you think that Eris will love you better if you are serious? How stupid.

Let me forewarn those of you who would try to infect Discordianism with your seriousness, since you all have obviously missed out on all the times Fundamentalists like you have tried to do this before. Your seriousness makes you a prime target for the likes of me and others like me. I have been at this Discordian racket for some years now, and though I don,Äôt take too kindly to you serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô mucking about with my irreligion, I do appreciate you as a gift from Eris. She gives gifts like you to us simply for the practice of Her bitchslap. Either way you see it, you are OWNED. Not only are you OWNED, but you are DUMB trying to prove your seriousness by banishing all the ODD and Damned-things that won,Äôt fit your neato category of what you think Discordianism is.

Excuse me one second. [*vomits from laughing too hard at the fools who think that such a stupidity as a ,Äòserious Discordian,Äô should be taken seriously*]

Repent of your sins or not. But whatever you serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô do, please keep yapping. You are the reason why we invented the game of sink back during the reign of Emperor Julian. You are the reason why Bush became an Idiot Boy Emperor even after his canonization as a Discordian Saint. You are the reason why we have had inquisitions, bombings, gassings, and other nasty historical horrors. You are the reason why psychiatrists are in business. You are the reason why there are things like Starbucks or Yuppie Bars. You take a good thing and kill it with your seriousness. You don,Äôt even realize the con-job Eris has pulled on you.

You go around trying to tell other Discordians how to be proper Discordians. What? Do you even know what the word Discordian means? Or did you miss out on that little prime detail too? You think you are free-minded and then go around trying to tell others how to become free-minded. Excuse me, you sorry excuse for would-be liberators, but we each liberate our own damned minds. And please accept my real gratitude for providing us all with examples of closed and enslaved minds. These examples will be enough to spur the rest of us on in our endeavors. Thank Eris that it,Äôs all so funny! All Hail Discordia!

There has been some flak from you serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô about ,Äòpurging the posers,Äô and other such drivel you obviously picked up from hanging around too many teen-aged punk shows (where people actually think that that behavior makes them cool, or something). Fine. Fire away! I hereby declare you serious Discordians to be immediate targets of our jihad. We Children of Eris are infinitely creative in our mindfucking endeavors, so please rest assured in at least this much,ĶIt will be fanfuckingtastically entertaining. Hoots will be raised all around. Watching you serious Discordians get mind-snappingly angry is one of our favorite pastimes. We know who you are. You know who you think you are. And Eris help you if you don,Äôt wake up. But let me paraphrase the Subgenii on this one ,ÄúIf you can,Äôt take a joke, fuck you!,Äù You want to be serious? Try one of the other religions for Bobsake, go watch a video, or do something else with your lives. Discordianism will always be humorous no matter how many try to seriously DUMB it down and purge all the ODDities from it. You serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô are sorely outnumbered. So shape up or be our willing targets for all sorts of nonsense pranks, otherwise get the fuck off the ship. I have sank the bobdamned thing. The joke is on you. No,Ķthe joke is you.

Your snobbish attitudes of snubbery have gone on long enough. And now it is time for the Golden Apple of Discord.

All of you serious ,ÄòDiscordians,Äô are hereby excommunicated, but not snubbed, from this day forth, in whatever that,Äôs supposed to mean. Your only point of existence now is to serve as a warning to any future would-be Fundamentalists. Now, stand still a moment, it makes our job easier.

,ÄúYou can,Äôt tell a goddess how to behave.,Äù
-Eris (the Pop-Tart verses)

(Confusion 7th, 3170)

This post has has given me pause to reflect upon this irreverent Erisian movement.

Is he fucking serious about their serious ,ÄòDiscordianism,Äô?

I'm so sick of non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

And guests taking non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

.....and the next poster that takes that poster that takes non-serious discordians taking serious discordians so seriously.

enter + Ctrl +v for as long as it takes.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

The joke's on you, except that it might not be.


I can't believe you took this all so seriously. Or maybe I just need to start taking it seriously. Or maybe just maybe or maybe not.

[Anonymous]

The joke's on you, except that it might not be.


I can't believe you took this all so seriously. Or maybe I just need to start taking it seriously. Or maybe just maybe or maybe not.

You are the reason why we have had inquisitions, bombings, gassings, and other nasty historical horrors. You are the reason why psychiatrists are in business. You are the reason why there are things like Starbucks or Yuppie Bars. You take a good thing and kill it with your seriousness

It is hard to understand how someone would take that seriously.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

The joke's on you, except that it might not be.


I can't believe you took this all so seriously. Or maybe I just need to start taking it seriously. Or maybe just maybe or maybe not.

You are the reason why we have had inquisitions, bombings, gassings, and other nasty historical horrors. You are the reason why psychiatrists are in business. You are the reason why there are things like Starbucks or Yuppie Bars. You take a good thing and kill it with your seriousness

It is hard to understand how someone would take that seriously.

Come on, Tao. You know the score.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The joke's on you, except that it might not be.


I can't believe you took this all so seriously. Or maybe I just need to start taking it seriously. Or maybe just maybe or maybe not.

You are the reason why we have had inquisitions, bombings, gassings, and other nasty historical horrors. You are the reason why psychiatrists are in business. You are the reason why there are things like Starbucks or Yuppie Bars. You take a good thing and kill it with your seriousness

It is hard to understand how someone would take that seriously.

Come on, Tao. You know the score.

Is he trolling YOU now, too?

As much as I liked to take the piss out of him, I never thought he'd freak out like THIS.

Posting this crap anonymously.

I thought, for all his faults, that he had guts.

I can see now that even *I* can misjudge character.

Kinda.

[Donkeyotay]

He's like the kid who talks shit to you from the second story window of his house. Not worth payin any attention to.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

He's like the kid who talks shit to you from the second story window of his house. Not worth payin any attention to.

Not unless you have a paint/pellet gun.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

He's like the kid who talks shit to you from the second story window of his house. Not worth payin any attention to.

Not unless you have a paint/pellet gun.

Or a FIST FULL OF CHICKENS!

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

[Bella]

Or a pocket full of EGGS.

[gnimbley]

mmmmm. scrambled egg and live fishie pizza. I'm hungry!

[Bella]

Hello! The egg is rotten.
Just look at the number of victim's it's claimed.

I'm gonna fry him with my Eggbeaters of Doom.

Gonna stir things up for him......Mwahahahaaa!

[Z³]

... and so it claims another victim.

[PrincessEris von Tartarus]

I give you all Jihad! I might call my uncle Ussama and
just tell him what a huge bunch of dodos you are talking
in circles over and over again. I am so sorry to have
to say this to you. I thought you were enlightened and
cool people. but this seems not to be so anymore.
There are some people on this board that still
have my respect and all as always, but that number
has drastically gone down. Thats so fucking sad.

And *if* TJ comes trolling around when he is
bored late at night. Its his right to do whatever
he wants, just like you can. You lot are behaving
like those silly groupie chicks that dissed me cause
I took St Tills attention from them. So they
started going all stupid on me like you are
fucking around with TJ. Gosh and if  he does
like to provoke in any way he can. I like that.
Shows more humor and not taking yourself
seriously to be a troll some time than
just gang up and post CRAP all day.


Tao Jones is so right in saying this place
has turned into an infantile place where
you just post for the bloody sake of
posting and posting rates. All theese silly
forum-onlinegames are so OVER! Get a life
and stop hiding behind your computers and
go out of the house and actally have a
social life.


DAMMIT!

Purlease dear mgt, ERASE my account pronto.
I am outta here. Was  a nice time here
befor things got all strange and I do thank
you for creating this place where I met
my perfect man. I am gonna go off into
the world with my darling TJ and you will
hear and see of us. thats a PROMISE.
We are not quiet.

This is not discordian. This is wannabe. *burp*