Rant 40: The One True God

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 40
The One True God

“Now if you can only send a dollar or two, there ain’t a hell of a lot I can promise to you.
But if you wants to see heaven’s door, make out a check for five hundred dollars or more!”
-Mike Muir (from “Send Me Your Money”)

Are you still out there whining, worshipping, and praying to all those heathen gods from your mythologies and bibles and religions? Sinner! You have become lax in your lucre! The holy spirit of greed which has been placed in each one of your hearts is crying out for fulfillment! How, after being touched by your One and Only True God, can you not see Him?

Ye blasphemers! You have stagnated your bank accounts with the filthy pagan errors of freedom, talking about such crap as “God is Freedom” or “God is Love”. It is time for you to stop lying to yourselves and others and pony up. You know that your God is Money!

At birth you were given holy baptisms and christenings with state-ID and Social Security numbers, writing upon your identities and hearts the Way. Through your childhood you were given all sorts of wonderful things that came in plastic wrappers in order to protect you from the foul and pernicious lie that you were children of the earth. You have been given electricity, central air, and plumbing! You have been given automobiles and cellphones! Computers and televisions! And yet some of ye have gone apostate and claim that you have no further need of Money. Are you shitting me? Why do you deny thy God? The God that has protected you, given unto thee pretty toys, and who carries you from cradle to grave? Ye sinners!

You think yourselves above this God? Hah! Yet you can not name one thing in your lives that has not come from Him. You must work to satisfy His Holy Spirit of Greed regardless of your snotty attitudes to the contrary. Hah! Sucker! You have been caught with thy feet in thy mouths! Shut thy blaspheming filthy mouths, before you again spout some sinful crap about not needing Money!

Money is the Holy and Sacred Host, of which you all must take part. But worry not, children! Thy God gives no forgiveness, nor does He accept. Simply be willing to take up thy sacraments which thy Lord has given unto thee. Thy wallet, thy credit cards, thy check books! And spend and make and spend and make without distinction!

The Bastard hippie children of the Illuminati have convinced some of ye that Money is the source of all that is foul, while they line their pockets with the earnings. Children, take up their example while rejecting their poisonous heathen devil doctrines of freedom, love, and a better world. Be not fearful, thy freedom is in proportion to thy level of commitment to thy God. Stop thinking too much and have faith!

Repent sinners! The next time ye sneer at someone driving a Mercedes, repent! The next time you find you are mocking towards thy well-off brethren, repent! The next time you think that vicious poison that says unto thee ‘To hell with this job! Who needs all this Money?’, repent, for ye are in mortal sin! Repent and come to know thy God whose names are legion, whether Dollar, or Crown, or Credit, or Stocks, or any other name.

Why did Jesus rage against the money changers in the Temple so long ago? Because they had no bank accounts and their investment plans were uninsured! Why else? If you have heard any other reason, thine ears need a cleansing. Repent! And wash that foul lying thought from thy heart!  

Need ye proof? Look out amongst all of your religious leaders who pretend to claim that they work for higher ideals. Look and see the size of their bank accounts! The One True God, Money, has them in a tight fisted grip, even as they deny it. But you can still trust those liars, because you know what they really want. The difference between myself and them is that I am not telling you to send me your money (though if you do, send me a lot of it). I am telling you to get out there and make more money. Now…let’s have a moment of silence…for all you SUCKERS!

“Fear not the ones hiding behind their collar, for their True God is the Almighty Dollar.”

Repent, for the Kingdom of God is on sale for a limited time only!

(Confusion 10th, 3170)

[null-n-void]

i dun' need no money

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

i dun' need no money

Blasphemer!

[Trollax]

They said the Meek shall inherit the earth... I met Meek once, he's a jewish lawyer. He's richer than god Whispering Winds of Change

Money is just as spiritual experience as anything else The Little Money Bible

When People ask me which football team I support I say. 'whoever's winning' Sure you can have your favourite team, but I'm not going to support a team who's record is 0-11. Losers bother me they ought to bother you too. The Secrets of Life

And the lord did say unto them... Go forth and multiply, invest thine sacrements so thee may make even larger sums of holy cash.

[Lister]

,Ǩ,Ǩ,Ǩ,Ǩ,Ǩ,Ǩ
$$$
,Ǩ,Ǩ$$,Ǩ,Ǩ$
£!!!1

Amen.

[Colonel Failure]

There is no money.

[Slarti]

money is a collective illusion.

[Malaul]

I am a collective Illusion
and Illusion is a collective malaul

[Phantom Trollax]

I am an illusion...

Or does that Mean I'm just Illusion?

Or is Malaul Really Illusion?

If so, is Medeo still Chaosgreaves?

And Who am I? The Fed-Ex Man?


Whoa... That's Deep

[Bella]

Yup, Illusion told me just today that she's pretty sure she's really you, Trollax.

How in the world did you/she manage to pull the wool over my eyes all these years?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Money isn't real, therefore it makes the world go faster.

[Trollax]

Yup, Illusion told me just today that she's pretty sure she's really you, Trollax.

How in the world did you/she manage to pull the wool over my eyes all these years?

The Bifrucated essence and the empty shells to use as bodies probably helped. We're a sly little personality nexus, that's for sure

[Donkeyotay]

So unemployment is a sin?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

So unemployment is a sin?

Who said anything about 'unemployment'?

Not making money is a sin. How you go about it is your own deal.

[Slarti]