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Rev Roger, Sermon #67: Not With a Bang, But a Wheeze.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, September 14, 2009, 06:36:20 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

September 14, 2009, 06:36:20 PM
Ever notice that even paleontologists get everything wrong?  I once read an article on Neanderthal man, and the scientists expressed puzzlement of why Neanderthals hog-tied their dead upon burial...a question that could easily be answered by anyone who has ever seen a George Romero film.  Oog the caveman falls over in a catatonic fit, the other cavemen figure he's dead, and buries him.  Then he wakes up, walks out of the sacred burial cave, and gets stabbed about 30 times, tied up, and jammed back in his hole.  Cavemen probably took the idea of the walking dead very seriously.  If they'd been more serious about dealing with those uppity Homo sapiens, instead of fucking off making cave paintings, they'd probably run the joint today.  But they didn't, so we killed them and ate them.

I'm The Good Reverend Roger, and there's nothing I like as much as Monkey Sandwich.

Now, there's no reason to believe that paleontologists will be any smarter in the future, either.  When they dig up our remains a few thousand years from now, they'll wonder why we used such big goddamn boxes to bury our dead.  That's because, of course, they'll be looking at the dried and crusty skeletons or dust outlines, not the huge mounds of blubber that we shoehorned into the casket with a hydraulic jack.

Yes, the sad fact of the matter is that the sum total of 3 billion years of evolution is a morbidly obese Wal-Mart customer riding a Rascal scooter with an oxygen bottle underneath that fat thing they have drooping between their ankles.  Eventually, we'll have to bury these people, and the joke will be on archeologists, and we can take comfort in the fact that they'll screw it up as bad as we probably screwed up the whole Egypt thing.

Fact is, our engineering skills have outraced our brains.  We CAN build an atomic bomb, so why the hell not?  For the lulz!  Also, shitty addictive food, television, and other Pink-taming drugs.  Our species should have an epitaph, when we finally wheeze off stage left, and that epitaph should be:  "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."

Or Kill me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#1
September 14, 2009, 07:07:21 PM
:mittens:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Richter

#2
September 14, 2009, 07:43:33 PM
RAH!
:mittens:

Make me wonder what they'll think of our trash too.  Great engineering and design, reproduced as cheaply and quickly as possible, meant to be shuffled out, used carelessly, and discarded. 

In 600 years, when the SCA is recreating what we do now, I bet they'll cook up a square dance where stomping on Ipods is a "Documented" dance move.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
September 14, 2009, 07:53:35 PM
Quote from: Richter on September 14, 2009, 07:43:33 PM
RAH!
:mittens:

Make me wonder what they'll think of our trash too.  Great engineering and design, reproduced as cheaply and quickly as possible, meant to be shuffled out, used carelessly, and discarded. 

In 600 years, when the SCA is recreating what we do now, I bet they'll cook up a square dance where stomping on Ipods is a "Documented" dance move.

"Documented"?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Bu🤠ns

#4
September 14, 2009, 07:59:08 PM
:mittens:
NICE!

Cain

#5
September 14, 2009, 08:13:11 PM
We must be sharing a wavelength, because I was thinking much the same thing while walking home today.  Especially about the food and TV.

BRB, need to rant.

fomenter

#6
September 14, 2009, 08:25:38 PM
     Wheeze

"So she says to me, do you wanna be a BAD boy? And I say YEAH baby YEAH! Surf's up space ponies! I'm makin' gravy... Without the lumps. HAAA-ha-ha-ha!"


hmroogp

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
September 14, 2009, 08:28:05 PM
 :lulz:

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...THE FUTURE!

It's here, it's now, it's on insulin.

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

#8
September 14, 2009, 08:33:59 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 14, 2009, 07:53:35 PM

"Documented"?

Usually invovles "They could have done it given the standards, ideas, and stuff we THINK was available back then". 

Quote from: fomenter on September 14, 2009, 08:25:38 PM
     Wheeze



:x

Scary, but then i remember they can't move faster than 5 MPH.

Oh god...
Someone will take the restrictors off those things eventually...
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
September 14, 2009, 08:36:12 PM
Quote from: Richter on September 14, 2009, 08:33:59 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 14, 2009, 07:53:35 PM

"Documented"?

Usually invovles "They could have done it given the standards, ideas, and stuff we THINK was available back then".  

Wait.  Is this some weird fucking dogmatism someone has introduced to the SCA?

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
September 14, 2009, 08:39:10 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

fomenter

#12
September 14, 2009, 08:47:55 PM
"So she says to me, do you wanna be a BAD boy? And I say YEAH baby YEAH! Surf's up space ponies! I'm makin' gravy... Without the lumps. HAAA-ha-ha-ha!"


hmroogp

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
September 14, 2009, 08:48:31 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Requia ☣

#14
September 14, 2009, 08:53:05 PM
I am so glad that site refuses to load for me.
Inflatable dolls are not recognized flotation devices.
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