A new Myth I wrote

[glorfon]

The Myth of the Second Discordian God

Pope mondo slappy was meditating a top a dumpster when an elderly woman approached him.  He was struck by her peculiar presence.  She was stooped to about 4 feet.  Her face had deep wrinkles and on her forehead behind her grey hair was a tattoo of the chao.  "Young man, I would like that dumpster and there doesn't seem room enough on it for us both.  Could you please move so that I may meditate there?"

"Why should I move for you, old woman? My ass has become accustomed to this dumpster you'll have to find your own." He replied.

"I am more than just some old woman," She answered him "I am a Discordian goddess.  My name is Hilda Discordian Goddess of destructive chaos."

Pope mondo slappy broke out in laughter "You a goddess!? But you are so small and frail you could never be a goddess much less one of destructive chaos! Besides what kind of Discordian are you to forget the first rule of the pentabarf? There is no goddess but Eris!"

The old woman snapped back "and who are you to forget the fifth rule of the pentabarf that you must not believe anything you read!"

"Ah," Pope Mondo sighed "you are right.  Your wisdom of chaos has out done mine.  But how am I to KNOW you are a goddess so that I do not kneel before every old woman."

The old woman then began to grow and as she did she transformed.  Her wrinkles disappeared.  Her hair began to radiate with every color of the RGB color system and some colors previously unknown, which may have contributed to Pope Mondo Slappy's early vision loss but that is an entirely different story.  Now before the Pope stood a six foot tall radiant manifestation of Eris the Bitch of Bedlam in all her chaotic cuteness. "May I have the dumpster now young pope?" She inquired.

Pope Mondo promptly hopped down from the dumpster and sat at its base looking up at Eris as she took her seat. "What has this test been for fair Eris? Have you sought to prove that I am too quick to accept a new god? Or too quick to reject one? Am I not truly enlightened in my understanding of the pentabarf? Should I be more respectful of my elders? Should I meditate more? Less?"

Eris put up her hand to interrupt him "Dude, Dude, Dude" but he continued to speak and she continued to silence him "chill, Dude, Dude, Chill Dude, Chill, Dude, Chill dude, dude chill.  My purpose in this was the same as ones purpose in playing a game of sink, which reminds me I've won the game again."

Pope Mondo Slappy then meditated more.


Suggestions welcome. I'll edit it.  There are likely mistakes which I haven't noticed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I don't get it.

[glorfon]

Are you sure don't get it? Maybe your expecting to get something that isn't there.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, so there's nothing to get?

Dadaism. Again. I see.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

Ironically (or perhaps inevitably), the PD forum doesn't tend to be conducive to PD-style ice cream koans. This might go over far better at 23ae or somewhere.

I think it's missing a punch, personally.

[glorfon]

Oh, so there's nothing to get?

No, there's something to get.  I just meant you might be over thinking it.  If this continues to confound people I'll post an explanation.

A punch would be good.  The punch would have come when Eris reveals herself but I didn't have any good way to cap it off so rather it just tapered out.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I just kind of like it when there's a punchline, or something about it that made me think. Call me simple, but the PD made me think. The stories in it weren't pointless... their purpose was to make the reader question their assumptions.

So I was imagining that, in the spirit of the PD, a new Discordian myth might have a similar function, and that I was simply not getting it.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

On second reading, I have Lo5'd a few potential 'points':

1) Things don't have to have a point. (I may be the only one nerdy enough to be amused by a story whose point is that stories needn't have points)
2) Chill. (MST3K mantra, I guess)
3) Make room for chaos? (Even if someone presumes to be cool with chaos they may not be)
4) Even a 'discordian' may be subject to a bavarian fire drill
5) Some properties of the 'real world' can't be readily determined, no matter how much sacred bull and reality shifting you apply.

[glorfon]

1 and 2 are kind of close. 3-5 amuse me but weren't my intent.  I think the reason why this confuses you, Nigel, is that you're above it in your understanding of discordianism.  It's meant for neophytes so for you its message is so simple you see right past it. It is meant to be an introduction into the basics of discordianism the main lessons are these. Eris can do whatever the hell she wants. Discordianism is intentionally self conflicted. Don't take anything (Yourself, old women, discordianism, the pendabarf, Eris) too seriously.  Eris' last line just means that she did her trick for fun.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

OK. It's not bad, I suggest continuing to hone it. It doesn't exactly confuse me, just leaves me wondering what you're trying to convey. It needs a punch line or something.

[Remington]

OK. It's not bad, I suggest continuing to hone it. It doesn't exactly confuse me, just leaves me wondering what you're trying to convey. It needs a punch line or something.

This, find a way to work "Better Nate than lever" into it.

[glorfon]

What if I make the pope a newcomer to Discordianism and have Eris interject at the end "Oh, and welcome to the Erisian Church"?

[Fuquad]

Eris put up her hand to interrupt him "Think for yourself, schmuck.  My purpose in this was the same as ones purpose in playing a game of sink, which reminds me I've won the game again."

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

There are some bits with kind of awkward wording. I can go through tomorrow and try to supply reworded forms.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh, so there's nothing to get?

Dadaism. Again. I see.

And the beat goes on.