English, Do You Speak It?

[Halfbaked1]

You insufferable twits.  What the hell do you think the classes on English and grammar were for when you were growing up?  So you could read Shakespeare?  NO!  So you could fucking communicate on a basic level with other English speakers, like me, the authorities, the people you may need if it all drops in the pot and you find yourself swimming in shit with no way out but to ask someone you just got fuckin thru bitching about in some half assed monkey spooge way that is only understandable by your own little clique. 

Look, I grew up in America, I'm hispanic and I speak English with no fucking accent!  you grew up in America, are white or black and all you can do is slur some kind of garbled mess at me when you want to ask me for help or to get some kind of assistance from someone?  Give me a fucking break!  Every time you "Axe" for something, I wanna give you an axe to the cranium ya low browed fuck for brains!  Enunciate just a little, try it, it won't kill you, and in fact it may save your worthless, dubiously sentient carcass from a premature demise!  Do not ask me to learn to understand stupid when I have actually taken the time to learn how to speak properly and develop a vocabulary larger than what is required to order a pizza.

...or kill me.

[The Johnny]

b|_|1 K4n j00 5p33k 1337 |\||_|bz0r ''¿ |-|R|-|R|-|R

[Rumckle]

PROTIP: If you are going to bitch about people's spelling and/or grammar don't fall prey to Muphry's law.

[The Johnny]

HE SAID MUPHRY LOOOOOL


**snaps back from script kiddie mode**

[The Johnny]

oh fuck that, i only knew murphy's law existed, not murphry's. 

[Halfbaked1]

b|_|1 K4n j00 5p33k 1337 |\||_|bz0r ''¿ |-|R|-|R|-|R

I fuckin hate 1337 speak man.  but I can almost read that.  Funny how sleep deprivation can fuck your head like that eh?

[Template]

O insufferable twits, what purpose did you imagine your English and grammar courses served?  Readings from Shakespeare?  NAY!  You were to take from those lessons the skill to communicate readily with we other Anglophones.  You need me and other Anglophone authorities when disaster strikes and all your other resources are at an end, with still more ill fate unrealized.  I know when you come seeking my aid that just prior you spoke ill of me in some hideous, primordial jargon comprehensible only to members of your pitiful clique.

Make note: I am American-reared, though of Hispanic blood.  My accent does not differ from that of respected locals.  You grew up in this same land, and by your skin color presume yourselves rightful heirs of this land.  Your speech does not reflect this: even when petitioning those with the rare power to aid yourself your utterances are slurred and garbled.  It is insufferable!  Each usage of "axe" for "ask" reignites in myself the desire to condescend to axe-wielding violence!  I enjoin ye: enunciate!  It can do no harm, and may help you survive your petty misfortunes.  I forswear any further efforts to comprehend nigh-verbalized stupidity.  It is unbecoming one who endeavors to speak properly and possess a vocabulary in surplus of that needed to acquire the necessities.

Peasants of old knew of propriety, even if they lacked skill in it. 

Or slay me.

[The Johnny]

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0r 514`/ M3.

[Halfbaked1]

First I was like whooooa

Then I was like WHOOOA,

And now I'm like, AH GODS DAMN YOU!  MY EYES!!  MY EYES!!! 

[AFK]

Whoops, did I accidentally log on to Fox Nation again? 

[Roaring Biscuit!]

They unbearably twits. the hell thinks of the classes on the and the for this, if to read to Shakespeare? kissing communicates on a fundamental height with other English spokesmen, since authority the people to which can need, if this all the drops in the vessel and they are found, nothing in the crap with any exit, but to ask that someone has only fuckin through besides something semi-assed of the monkeys the road spooge is only  comprehensible by its own lobby.  

I they grew in America I am Latin American - american and I do not speak with accent condemned?  In America is white or black and all that can do, perhaps the sure offense many of incomprehensible if wants to ask me for the aid or to receive to many of the aid of someone  - A break condemn?  Time that you for some "blows", I an axe gives wanna in cranium.  Already low browed kisses for brains! only a test - this, this not you, and to say this is able? its without value, doubtfully capable of a death.  Ask - I to learn to understand have to speak as dumb conveniently and to learn extensively a vocabulary that is demand to have a pizza.  

...  Then the launch I.  


bolded my favourite bits, free translations can be fun

[LMNO]

Whoops, did I accidentally log on to Fox Nation again? 

This.

[AFK]

Because, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this, I know plenty of professional and educated people, who can clearly enunciate words, big $300 dollar words, string them together, and say absolutely nothing. 

[LMNO]

y'knowhatimsayin?

[Elder Iptuous]

But, at least it's clear that they are full of shit.
I've heard some people talk and been completely unable to determine whether they just said the most intelligent thing in history, or commented on some recent bodily function... even when they have a pleading tone, as if they truly want me to understand them...

Of course, i support the splintering of language upon fine subcultural lines, however, there is an obvious merit in shared understanding, and the sentiment in the OP is valid in regards to those who can't speak the common language as opposed to won't speak it for whatever reason...