Hey Nigel, about that...

[Suu]

What exactly defines an adult anyway?

One can claim that they're grown up because they hit a certain age, but when do you actually feel like you've come to a point where you can consider yourself mature?

I pay bills, I pay rent, I work, I budget money, I was married, I do everything I'm supposed to do, but I don't want to grow up. I'm only 3 years from another decade of existence, but I still haven't reached my tenure.  People will always tell you to grow up, but do we ever actually hit that mark? When do you know you're ready? I don't think I am, in fact it frightens me.

I look in the mirror, and these older pictures of me, the mirror still shows what I want it to see, and I close my eyes and remember what I was, and then new photographs show differently.  I'm aging,  but my body image is skewed by the desire to cling to youth as it slips from within me and around me.  In my mind, my sister is still a baby, my hair is still long, I'm still in Florida, hanging on to the innocence of youth and telling myself to not make the mistakes I've made.

But it's too late, right? To go back and fix it all. I can't just close my eyes and change the past, can I? Is there a way? Tell me if there is.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Adult?  I've heard a few descriptions.

The first one is the one I favor.  An adult is a member of the tribe that is responsible enough to haul their share of the load (note that this is distinct from the capability to do so), while still being ready for a good time.

The second is when you "grow up" and get all serious about everything, and do everything you're supposed to do and nothing you're not.  You work all day and watch TV, get drunk to forget all the horrible shit that's piling up around you, and smoke like a fiend to calm yourself from all the coffee you have to have, just to function.  And then you sit on the couch, sweating desperately at the thought of your brain-wrenching level of debt, and your kids sneer at you...they'll never know - or care - that you USED to be COOL, before the bills piled up and your incredible weariness caused you to become a Food Tube™.

It's so terribly easy to slide from case 1 to case 2.  Especially when circumstances keep you from performing as a productive member of the tribe (this economy, for example).  It's so easy to give in to dispair, and make decisions that make things worse (usually involving alcohol, drugs, or reality TV).

But we aren't about the easy way, Suu.  We are serious about having a good time, and we are on a first name basis with the Angel of Apathy, who comes along and smacks us when we get too upset.  For everything else, there's pills.

You can't stop the ship from sinking.  But you CAN crowd the back rail, listen to the band, and sing "It's Raining Men" as people fall to their doom.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's definitely TGRR definition #1. Are you over 18 years old or an emancipated minor? Are you taking care of yourself and your share of communal responsibilities? Congratulations, you are an adult!

You may never feel any different about yourself than you did when you were 17. Your self-image may be set in some time way back when, possibly when you first became responsibly aware of yourself as a capable, independent person. That's OK. You're still the same person, just older and with perspectives gained from experiences.

If you are unhappy with your body with regards to anything other than injury or illness, the best thing you can do is exercise and form a relationship with your new body. If you want to be thinner, make yourself eat less, eat better, and work out more. You will be rewarded. You cannot reverse age, but you can look damn good at whatever age you're at. I'm 38 and in better shape than I've been for seven years. I ran the sand dunes yesterday, dodging grass clumps and leaping off ledges. I don't look hot like I looked when I was 24, but I'm not attracted to 24-year-olds anymore, and I don't want men who would be attracted to 24-year-olds... know what I mean?

If you have a notion of "hot" that corresponds with "looks 20", consciously discard it. 20 looks hot to other 20-year-olds, and I bet you don't want to look hot to 20-year-olds. Look at the men you're attracted to. Do they look their age? Is their age your age? I think you can put two and two together here. The men I'm attracted to, these days, consistently tell me to let my white streak grow out. "It's so hot!" they tell me. They love when I wear glasses instead of contacts. My dad begged my stepmom to stop dying her hair because he's so attracted to the gray.

Old people think other old people are hot. Roll with it; it's kind of nice, actually.

Also, someday you'll be 40 and you'll look at pictures of yourself now, and say "Holy shit, I was so HOT back then!". Mark my words.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Suu, enjoy your body before it goes all wonky on you.  I am missing some bits, and I have other bits I wasn't originally equiped with.  Some of these bits flop around, and some give off noxious gasses and make noises at inappropriate times.  For the moment I am continent, but that will one day fade.  I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Most importantly, have a lot of sex before everything gets all sloppy.  It will make you appreciate disgusting sloppy old people sex even more, when that day comes.  And come it will, in the blink of an eye.  Especially if you spend all of your youth wishing you were even younger, or prematurely aging yourself through abuse.

I will be 41 years old on Saturday, and let me tell you, God has played some truly evil tricks on me, just as he will have his wicked way with you.  Enjoy it while you got it, because you can never get it back. 

[LMNO]

I'm LMNO, and I approve this message.




LMNO
-occasionally finds his joints filled with ground glass.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm LMNO, and I approve this message.




LMNO
-occasionally finds his joints filled with ground glass.

Yeah, my bones feel like crystal.  Bright and shiny, and just waiting to shatter like a dropped wineglass.

[LMNO]

Like Samuel L Jackson in Unbreakable, but with not as utterly corny a plot.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Like Samuel L Jackson in Unbreakable, but with not as utterly corny a plot.

Never seen it, but I'll take your word for it.

Still, youth is indeed wasted on the young.

[LMNO]

In some way, I hate that I know that now.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

In some way, I hate that I know that now.

I am not the man I was, before December of 1989.  I have no connection with that nice, idealistic kid, and I'm probably better off for it.

[Suu]

For some reason when I typed that last night, I don't think it came out the way I wanted it too. Plus I was drunk so...

Yeah. My knees already feel like broken glass.  I find this funny, because I remember when my mom was my age her knees always creaked and cracked, and she would go, "Oof, I'm getting old."

So I would be, "But mommy, you're not that old! Teehee!"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Drinking is bad for you.  You should live clean, like I do.  I take only prescribed Gooddrugs™ and sundry religious substances, and look at the shape I'm in.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Suu, enjoy your body before it goes all wonky on you.  I am missing some bits, and I have other bits I wasn't originally equiped with.  Some of these bits flop around, and some give off noxious gasses and make noises at inappropriate times.  For the moment I am continent, but that will one day fade.  I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Most importantly, have a lot of sex before everything gets all sloppy.  It will make you appreciate disgusting sloppy old people sex even more, when that day comes.  And come it will, in the blink of an eye.  Especially if you spend all of your youth wishing you were even younger, or prematurely aging yourself through abuse.

I will be 41 years old on Saturday, and let me tell you, God has played some truly evil tricks on me, just as he will have his wicked way with you.  Enjoy it while you got it, because you can never get it back. 

Oh my god, you were born on Halloween!

That makes so so much sense.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Suu, enjoy your body before it goes all wonky on you.  I am missing some bits, and I have other bits I wasn't originally equiped with.  Some of these bits flop around, and some give off noxious gasses and make noises at inappropriate times.  For the moment I am continent, but that will one day fade.  I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Most importantly, have a lot of sex before everything gets all sloppy.  It will make you appreciate disgusting sloppy old people sex even more, when that day comes.  And come it will, in the blink of an eye.  Especially if you spend all of your youth wishing you were even younger, or prematurely aging yourself through abuse.

I will be 41 years old on Saturday, and let me tell you, God has played some truly evil tricks on me, just as he will have his wicked way with you.  Enjoy it while you got it, because you can never get it back. 

Oh my god, you were born on Halloween!

That makes so so much sense.

Yes, and it's the best birthday EVER, when you're 8 years old.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

For some reason when I typed that last night, I don't think it came out the way I wanted it too. Plus I was drunk so...

Yeah. My knees already feel like broken glass.  I find this funny, because I remember when my mom was my age her knees always creaked and cracked, and she would go, "Oof, I'm getting old."

So I would be, "But mommy, you're not that old! Teehee!"

She wasn't. And you're not, now. And I'm fuck of not, or at least I'm in denial about it.

So far the only evidence there is that I'm getting old is a streak of white hair in front, and soooo many stretch marks. Mostly the white hair, since I got the stretch marks years ago, from the things that gave me the white hair.