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Dear PeeDeeDotCom.

Started by Scribbly, October 26, 2009, 08:24:57 PM

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Scribbly

October 26, 2009, 08:24:57 PM
Thank you for your years of long service. However, as we are living in the Age of Enlightenment (tm), we no longer feel that your current modus operandi is within the ethos of our Corporation. Whilst we are grateful for your years of service, and acknowledge the contributions that you have made, we feel it would be best for all parties involved if you would like to seek new opportunities in different horizons.

I realize that this must come as a shock. However, we have recently concluded that the questions which you are best suited to answering, have in fact been answered to our satisfaction already. To whit:

1) How should we relate to Society? - You are assigned a position based upon the sum of your parts, and this position enables you to survive and enjoy the fruits of your labor until the day you are no longer able to continue to fulfil it. Further reflection is unnecessary.

2) What is Chaos? - Undesirable. Any and all further discussion on this subject has been prohibited in line with section 10-S of the Internal System Security Coordination Manager Act 2008, and any comments need to be filed through appropriate channels in accordance with the proper paperwork. Which we can't find.

3) Shall we mock the establishment? - No. These fine, hard-working men and women have the unenviable job of choosing how to allow you to live your life so that you do not have to. They do not need to deal with your 'humor' on top of that stress.

As we are sure you will agree, given the three questions above have been answered to our satisfaction, the bulk of the work you continue to do is largely at odds with the intended business practices of our organization. Therefore, we are cutting you adrift. We wish you all the best in the future, and we're certain that with your wide selection of talents, you'll have no trouble securing a position in whatever avenue of life you find yourselves inhabiting. Although it is the policy of our organization to traditionally avoid providing severence packages- after all, we'd hardly like to encourage such things in the future- we've decided that, in light of your exemplary performance in the past, we will provide you with a pointy stick. Just in case.

Happy sailing.

Signed, Mr. B. Widow.

Director of Human Resources
The Spiders.
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

The Good Reverend Roger

#1
October 26, 2009, 08:26:34 PM
Question to HR:  Does the severance package include more pills?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Scribbly

#2
October 26, 2009, 08:31:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuestion to HR:  Does the severance package include more pills?

Although some pills will be provided- we aren't barbarians, after all- I'm afraid you'll need to cut down until such a time as you can find another, permanent, position. Or, you can purchase your own. The starting rates are quite reasonable, I'm told.

If you should begin to suffer withdrawal, try not to let on. Employers know the signs.
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
October 26, 2009, 08:34:56 PM
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on October 26, 2009, 08:31:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuestion to HR:  Does the severance package include more pills?

Although some pills will be provided- we aren't barbarians, after all- I'm afraid you'll need to cut down until such a time as you can find another, permanent, position. Or, you can purchase your own. The starting rates are quite reasonable, I'm told.

If you should begin to suffer withdrawal, try not to let on. Employers know the signs.

Okay, but will COBRA cover the pills that keep the bug from tunneling out of my skin?  Those are the important ones.  Nobody wants to see that, when the little holes form and bug legs start sticking out and waving around.

It's a sign of America hating...Or so I have been told by people who are knowledgeable in these matters.  It's a sign that you have the wrong values.  Remember what happened to Curly?  I don't want that to happen to me.  I want to love America™.  I want to be HAPPY to be a Delta.

I don't want to go back in the box.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Scribbly

#4
October 26, 2009, 08:45:31 PM
Curly's case was an isolated incident. Regretable as it was that a man could have hated America with quite as much passion as poor Curly, whilst seeming so reasonable so much of the time, is in many ways a sign of the time. Of course, in retrospect, it becomes easy to see the warning signs that he had been leaving us. The way he didn't always quite finish his coke. The moment of hesitation before he laughed when we made a joke. He hated America in a way that very few people ever can. He believed there was something Wrong. We all know better than that, don't we?

Unfortunately, as you are no doubt aware, the amount of healthcare we are obliged to provide cuts off sharply as you move further and further away from the physical location you inhabited. If you had filed the proper claims a few weeks ago, we might have been able to assist. As things are, you are already adrift, and I'm afraid there is nothing more I can do to secure an adequate dosage of those particular pills.

I'm sure you'll be fine, though. They won't burrow all the way out immediately, and you don't hate America enough to let them go unsquashed. I'll leave it to you to decide how to deal with the holes. Your creativity in times of need was always one of the more noticeable traits.

Always a pleasure to be of service.
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
October 26, 2009, 08:47:07 PM
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on October 26, 2009, 08:45:31 PM
Curly's case was an isolated incident.

Now my sig.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Scribbly

#6
October 26, 2009, 08:48:54 PM
 :thanks:
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

Suu

#7
October 26, 2009, 11:50:26 PM
:mittens:
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

LMNO

#8
October 27, 2009, 11:55:07 AM
Well, played, D.Squid.
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