So much thought in one morningit kills me to read it again

[xXKazXx]

August 31, 2009 - Monday
   
   So I think until my coffee's cold. Listening to the Smooth Jazz that fills my room, I find myself drifting. Not from lack of sleep, but the many life stimulation's that I have collected. Stimulation's that are too many to list, but the more recent ones stand out. Its Four AM and I am doing laundry, Passing time until I catch the Six Forty Express to downtown. I'm in college now. Never in YEARS have I ever been up and preparing for something that is a pure responsibility. Sipping the morning Joe now, contemplating if I want to have a smoke or finish typing this memoir of the mornings tasks, Documenting my emotions, that are indeed, Very relaxing. the right music, the right flavor, the right temperature. all is stable. all but one thing. but I have to let it go and keep focus on what may lie ahead. I'm an adult now, and working my way to becoming a better one at that. I don't have time for the silly chase games anymore, but I have an entire life to pick it back up. After all, why keep trying for something that has let you down because you were human? why keep wasting time on something that used to Make you happy, and live for your next morning? Why keep pursuing something that let something as small as anew daily activity from advancing both party's Life together? Life has a sick way of telling you the answers to all that.

   funny how the time you have to spend on something is ultimately and justifiably shortened by the need to tend to something  else. both aspects of this negotiation lacks the gravity of other things...Such as the line between the time we've already lived, and the time we have yet to breath. I almost forgotten how much I loved the taste, smell, and soothing touch of Coffee. its aroma filling the house with comfort, and its warmth fleeting through my body. I think ill have that Cigarette now. Another one of life's simple pleasures. For those who choose to, a moment of peace, relaxation, the ultimate stress relief from everyday problems. Who would think that something so small and peaceful, would have such a morbid reality that can and will take place years after enjoyment... Much like life itself.
   
        I realize that that is a very dark way to think about something as beautiful as life, but we cant keep ourselves living in the shadow of plastic smiles, hopeless dreams and Fake Greetings at department stores. We all know deep inside that they could give half a damn about YOU as soon as YOU walk out those hydraulic metal framed doors that lead YOU right back to where YOU came. As if the products themselves weren't enough to interest the lower and middle class community, The corporation smiles in your face, making you FEEL like you are loved and plug the aspirations of returning for more later on. But with an economy on the fritz, and depressed Politicians, who wouldn't appreciate that subtle amount of happiness and gratification?

   I speak only of my own dealings, and personal experiences however, and who's to say people don't know this already? I sure didn't until life reared its ugly head right in front of my path in the form of a recession. What did I do to put an end to my own depression? Medication. I did it the mature and adult way by recognizing the signs and admitted myself into a Behavioral Clinic, With crossed fingers mind you. To this day the only thing I find that takes away any bit of the real world are these pills. would I go with out them if I had the chance again? no. I deal with things differently, I sleep better and I am more motivated. much like I am to write this. But here's the problem. I cant afford to keep this medication. Thank you individual status and not allowing me to qualify for state assistance at the moment.

   I guess my Point is this. Perhaps the purpose of the little lapse we all get, one way or another between preparation, and our endeavors of the day is to allow us to think how we really do not know what today holds for us. The day could be more adventurous and exciting than we have planned, or....It could be our last walk out the door, our last look at home, our last Cup of Coffee.......Its a good day to live.
4:13 AM

[The Good Reverend Roger]

August 31, 2009 - Monday

   I speak only of my own dealings, and personal experiences however, and who's to say people don't know this already? I sure didn't until life reared its ugly head right in front of my path in the form of a recession. What did I do to put an end to my own depression? Medication. I did it the mature and adult way by recognizing the signs and admitted myself into a Behavioral Clinic, With crossed fingers mind you. To this day the only thing I find that takes away any bit of the real world are these pills. would I go with out them if I had the chance again? no. I deal with things differently, I sleep better and I am more motivated. much like I am to write this. But here's the problem. I cant afford to keep this medication. Thank you individual status and not allowing me to qualify for state assistance at the moment.

Some pills make you larger, and some pills make you small, as the lady once said.  The pills aren't a statement on society, peoples' real need for the pills are.  We have made a society so fundamentally sick that primates can't survive in it without chemical assistance.

We invented forklifts for much the same reason.  Some loads are simply too heavy to lift without assistance.  Sometimes, though, the forklift flips on its side.  If you panic and try to jump out of the forklift, physics dictates that the roll bar WILL catch you in the torso and squash you flat.  You aren't fast enough to beat Uncle Isaac, so you'd best hang the fuck on and go for the ride.

That being said, not every job requires a forklift.  Sometimes people just ride them around the plant instead of walking where they have to go.  

Sorry, rambling.  Anyway, the fact that people need a "mental forklift" to get through a routine day doesn't imply that they are weak or deficient in any way.  It implies that our "routine day" is fucking INSANE.  The only place I've ever been where the routine doesn't fuck you up that bad is the military, and that's only the case because the military is designed to function at a very basic primate level of organization.

But the rest of the world isn't.  Look around you...cities are designed for vehicles, not for people.  The media presents a world where everyone is successful, and even the nerds are appealing in a condescendingly funny way.  You're only as good as your last performance, and one "oh fuck" cancels out a thousand "attaboys".  In your case, Kaz, you're denied the funding for the proper "forklift" because you are not in a primate family unit, and this may very well prevent you from gaining that status.  You fell through the cracks.

Society is now a machine, instead of a mutual support system.  You are a cog that has been judged as repairable, but not in a cost-effective way.  If that doesn't piss you off, it should.

Just saying.

[P3nT4gR4m]

August 31, 2009 - Monday

   I speak only of my own dealings, and personal experiences however, and who's to say people don't know this already? I sure didn't until life reared its ugly head right in front of my path in the form of a recession. What did I do to put an end to my own depression? Medication. I did it the mature and adult way by recognizing the signs and admitted myself into a Behavioral Clinic, With crossed fingers mind you. To this day the only thing I find that takes away any bit of the real world are these pills. would I go with out them if I had the chance again? no. I deal with things differently, I sleep better and I am more motivated. much like I am to write this. But here's the problem. I cant afford to keep this medication. Thank you individual status and not allowing me to qualify for state assistance at the moment.

Some pills make you larger, and some pills make you small, as the lady once said.  The pills aren't a statement on society, peoples' real need for the pills are.  We have made a society so fundamentally sick that primates can't survive in it without chemical assistance.

We invented forklifts for much the same reason.  Some loads are simply too heavy to lift without assistance.  Sometimes, though, the forklift flips on its side.  If you panic and try to jump out of the forklift, physics dictates that the roll bar WILL catch you in the torso and squash you flat.  You aren't fast enough to beat Uncle Isaac, so you'd best hang the fuck on and go for the ride.

That being said, not every job requires a forklift.  Sometimes people just ride them around the plant instead of walking where they have to go.  

Sorry, rambling.  Anyway, the fact that people need a "mental forklift" to get through a routine day doesn't imply that they are weak or deficient in any way.  It implies that our "routine day" is fucking INSANE.  The only place I've ever been where the routine doesn't fuck you up that bad is the military, and that's only the case because the military is designed to function at a very basic primate level of organization.

But the rest of the world isn't.  Look around you...cities are designed for vehicles, not for people.  The media presents a world where everyone is successful, and even the nerds are appealing in a condescendingly funny way.  You're only as good as your last performance, and one "oh fuck" cancels out a thousand "attaboys".  In your case, Kaz, you're denied the funding for the proper "forklift" because you are not in a primate family unit, and this may very well prevent you from gaining that status.  You fell through the cracks.

Society is now a machine, instead of a mutual support system.  You are a cog that has been judged as repairable, but not in a cost-effective way.  If that doesn't piss you off, it should.

Just saying.

It was realising this that emancipated me. I no longer felt compelled to "fit in", my feeling of wellbeing was no longer dependent on how the war with eurasia was coming along. Society is now an exploitable resource or something I can set on fire for shits and giggles. Dangerous but fun.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It was realising this that emancipated me. I no longer felt compelled to "fit in", my feeling of wellbeing was no longer dependent on how the war with eurasia was coming along. Society is now an exploitable resource or something I can set on fire for shits and giggles. Dangerous but fun.

Again, this is no century for the timid.

[P3nT4gR4m]

One man's timid is another mans food

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One man's timid is another mans food

Too much fat in that diet, Pent.  Bad for ya.