Post for 23ae

[Chief Uwachiquen]

I was going to post this up on 23ae and then, when I was done I realized it was entirely too damn big and I'm terrible at editing my own work without letting it sit a LONG time so I can view it objectively. This might be the wrong damn forum for this, but, I'm asking for opinions or ideas that might strengthen it, what's unnecessary, and most of all, if it's something I shouldn't muck up the board with.

Hello, folks. This is Chief Uwachiquen speaking. Typing. Whatever. To start with, I've called myself a Dischordian or an Erisian for a little over a year now. Although my exposure to the culture has been present in my life since around the age of eight. Nearly twelve years, and I was largely unaware of it until just recently.

My upbringing was a very alternative one, for certain. From a very young age I developed the idea that my family wasn't something you're born into because, for me, it wasn't. My mother lost custody of me when I was nine months old and I lived with my Uncle and/or my Grandmother for a very long time; until I was eighteen. Family was what you made it, and for that reason I accepted these other people that were constantly around me as family. And, to anyone on the outside, I'm sure we seemed to be very, very, strange. I recall fondly a conversation in high school where people were talking about the alternative families they had. It turned into a sort of contest between them as they dug around for things, it seemed very odd to me. But, then, I suppose it was because all I had to do to get them to stop was mention that I was the son of three gay fathers. I didn't even have to get into the finer aspects, such as them holding pagan beliefs or that two of them were involved with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

It made me a bit uncomfortable growing up sometimes, not because of who my parents were or anything they did, but because of my peers. It was around middle-school that those around me began to express "real" opinions, or, rather, voiced them. A profound moment for me was when I was riding the school-bus with my head up against the window watching the other school buses leave out ahead of us. I heard my peers regurgitate hate-filled diatribe against the kind of people my parents are. All I could do was close my eyes and tell myself they didn't know what they were talking about.

My neighbors were interesting, growing up. Friends of my family moved in next door and I began to hang out with them a lot. I remember poking around in all of their books and reading anything that caught my interest. I can't remember, exactly, what it was but I ran across a Sacred Chao symbol on something and immediately had to ask what the hell it was. It looked like some kind of screwed up yin-yang. She explained it to me and, at the time, all I said was "Oh. Huh, that's neat." and went on about my business. I was given a couple of fun nicknames by one of them. Among my favorites were "Minion" and "Agent of Chaos".

I moved away from that area, and a lot of things happened, none of which are particularly interesting for the point I'm getting to, if there really is a point. But fast-forwarding to a little over a year ago my best friend mentions something about Eris and Dischordia to me. Again, my reaction is, "Well, what the hell is that?" He explains that he'll chat about it with me over lunch. Fast-forward about a week, inside a taco bell. After taking a bite of his chalupa he explains, rather flatly, that I'm a dischordian. I was resistant, at first, but as he explained it to me, I became more and more adjusted to the idea.

I read the Principia and it had some neat information and philosophy that I discovered actually very closely coincided with how I already thought. But it didn't really sink in until I read the Black Iron Prison, well, that's a lie. It didn't sink in until a second read through more recently. The real joke for me was that, in a sense, I was a dischordian all along I just didn't know it yet. I played along with the Agent of Chaos idea my neighbor instilled in me. I practiced KYFMS because of one of my dads; he taught me early on to not have a big mouth and that if I'm going to fight an idea or a system that's bigger than me, to be quiet and be patient. Work underground and out of sight, and for the love of it all don't put anything on the internet you don't want to be found out. Turns out he was at least hip on our mumbo jumbo and SubGenii if not one of us.

In a way, I was raised up in it in such a way that I wasn't aware of it until I discovered it on my own. I guess that's my own personal Mindfuck.

[Cramulus]

Hey Chief!

This might be the wrong damn forum for this, but, I'm asking for opinions or ideas that might strengthen it, what's unnecessary, and most of all, if it's something I shouldn't muck up the board with.

nah, the tone here is generally that we help improve each other's writing through honest, often blunt feedback.

my main critique is that it's bascially an "about me" piece, which is interesting to a point, but could be more focused. Isolate and crystalize the main point, your conclusion. Then strip out every single sentence which does not build towards that point.

I heard my peers regurgitate hate-filled diatribe against the kind of people my parents are. All I could do was close my eyes and tell myself they didn't know what they were talking about.

This line is confusing because you don't actually define what kind of people your parents are until later.

My neighbors were interesting, growing up. Friends of my family moved in next door and I began to hang out with them a lot. I remember poking around in all of their books and reading anything that caught my interest. I can't remember, exactly, what it was but I ran across a Sacred Chao symbol on something and immediately had to ask what the hell it was. It looked like some kind of screwed up yin-yang. She explained it to me and, at the time, all I said was "Oh. Huh, that's neat." and went on about my business. I was given a couple of fun nicknames by one of them. Among my favorites were "Minion" and "Agent of Chaos".

to be frank, this paragraph is a little boring.

I moved away from that area, and a lot of things happened, none of which are particularly interesting for the point I'm getting to, if there really is a point.

as a reader, I wonder -- if there's no point, why am I reading this?

But fast-forwarding to a little over a year ago my best friend mentions something about Eris and Dischordia to me. Again, my reaction is, "Well, what the hell is that?" He explains that he'll chat about it with me over lunch. Fast-forward about a week, inside a taco bell. After taking a bite of his chalupa he explains, rather flatly, that I'm a dischordian. I was resistant, at first, but as he explained it to me, I became more and more adjusted to the idea.

might be better to explain WHAT about eris and discordia draws you in? You basically go from "I heard about it" to "I liked it" without telling us why.

I practiced KYFMS because of one of my dads; he taught me early on to not have a big mouth and that if I'm going to fight an idea or a system that's bigger than me, to be quiet and be patient. Work underground and out of sight, and for the love of it all don't put anything on the internet you don't want to be found out. Turns out he was at least hip on our mumbo jumbo and SubGenii if not one of us.

The KYFMS meme isn't terribly widespread, so you might want to develop that a bit more. Is there a place where you did something chaotic and would have gotten caught if you bragged about it? Does the effort to remain innocuous, invisible, impact your actions, style, or fashion sense? That you agree with the idea is not as interesting as illustrating how you've used that idea.



keep on plugging!

[Chief Uwachiquen]

Thanks Cram, I'll rework it some based on some of that. It was late and I was kind of just going SPEW at the time. Which gets ideas out but leads to a lot of clutter, now that I reread it. Also, I had a question about the 23ae; I kept my swearing to a minimum and abbreviated KYFMS for that reason. Is that a place that I could spread that acronym out to make it more clear?

[Cramulus]

yeah, it always takes a few passes to get to the gold at the center of any good piece. Best to just spew stuff out while you're inspired and then boil it down into better writing by the light of day

I think the average 23ae reader is probably as familliar with the abbreviation KYFMS as someone on the street would be. When writing for a larger audience, unless it's a really common abbreviation like LOL, spell it out.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

yeah, it always takes a few passes to get to the gold at the center of any good piece. Best to just spew stuff out while you're inspired and then boil it down into better writing by the light of day

That's what I do for the MSY stuff.  Rants get left as written.

Also, KYFMS should be left as is, in my opinion.  We should then post a glossary HERE, and link to it from THERE.

[Chief Uwachiquen]

yeah, it always takes a few passes to get to the gold at the center of any good piece. Best to just spew stuff out while you're inspired and then boil it down into better writing by the light of day

That's what I do for the MSY stuff.  Rants get left as written.

Also, KYFMS should be left as is, in my opinion.  We should then post a glossary HERE, and link to it from THERE.

That's a great idea! I think a glossary where everything is nice and in one spot would definitely come in handy.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

yeah, it always takes a few passes to get to the gold at the center of any good piece. Best to just spew stuff out while you're inspired and then boil it down into better writing by the light of day

That's what I do for the MSY stuff.  Rants get left as written.

Also, KYFMS should be left as is, in my opinion.  We should then post a glossary HERE, and link to it from THERE.

That's a great idea! I think a glossary where everything is nice and in one spot would definitely come in handy.

It would also direct people here in a subtle way.

[Chief Uwachiquen]

yeah, it always takes a few passes to get to the gold at the center of any good piece. Best to just spew stuff out while you're inspired and then boil it down into better writing by the light of day

That's what I do for the MSY stuff.  Rants get left as written.

Also, KYFMS should be left as is, in my opinion.  We should then post a glossary HERE, and link to it from THERE.

That's a great idea! I think a glossary where everything is nice and in one spot would definitely come in handy.

It would also direct people here in a subtle way.

True that. So did you build your mind control ray custom or was it gifted to you from up on high? I didn't even think about the fact that it'd direct some traffic here.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

yeah, it always takes a few passes to get to the gold at the center of any good piece. Best to just spew stuff out while you're inspired and then boil it down into better writing by the light of day

That's what I do for the MSY stuff.  Rants get left as written.

Also, KYFMS should be left as is, in my opinion.  We should then post a glossary HERE, and link to it from THERE.

That's a great idea! I think a glossary where everything is nice and in one spot would definitely come in handy.

It would also direct people here in a subtle way.

True that. So did you build your mind control ray custom or was it gifted to you from up on high? I didn't even think about the fact that it'd direct some traffic here.

Both.

TGRR,
Practicing treachery since the Johnson Administration.