Rant 44
Discord
[Formerly known as ‘Discord’]
“Quieres chingaso conmigo? Tu lo tienes.”
-The White Mouse (from ‘Epistle to the Bipedals’)
“You think I lost my mind? No way. I sold it for a pack of smokes.”
-Random Greyhound passenger
“The microwave is just a clock that occasionally cooks things.”
-Duo
“Most people do not speak words but speak shit!”
All Hail Discordia!
And please pass the cheap imitation revelations because I am tired of all that gobbledy gook that passes for free thought. If it is not on television or on the internet, then it is not real. Are you ready for the real? Pick your channel...pick your page. Pick anything so you don't have to be responsible for any choices. Pick something, someone, somewhere, some how. Don't worry about Discordianism. It is really just a cheap trinket for tourists on the culture jamming trail of the supposed avant garde...for those people who want a little mischief and adventure to go with their art-student days, or their nostalgia for those days.
Folks, in case you haven't noticed, Discordianism isn't some slick new religion to get in on (though we may present it that way) like Wicca or some new variant of the New Age. And even though we can be credited with starting a bunch of the slick new religions ourselves for various reasons, our own irreligion is the Old Time Religion. The Church never saw fit to burn Discordians and never will. Why? Mainly because we were sneaky, but also because they realized that invoking the wrath of Our Lady would probably be bad for them...I mean, they could have ended up being cursed with divisiveness and schisms and such.
That said, are you in on it? Discordianism? Do you like what you see? Are you willing to give up your lives-- whoops! Wrong group. Sorry...ahem. Are you willing to laugh uncontrollably? Read strange poetry and sing even stranger hymns? Are you willing to be awoken at odd hours so you can take dictations from the crazy Goddess of confusion? Are you willing to study all sorts of religions so that you can squeeze the knowledge from them and make fun out of it? Are you crazy enough to exist?
Some of you are into it while you pass through some sort of phase. And you believe that you will grow out of it, or so you wish to reassure yourselves. But you know deep down inside that you will never get out of it. Eris holds the promise of your deepest desires and bullshitting around with Her will only piss Her off. Regardless of all that, some of you will go onto to other things and get normal lives with normal jobs and normal religions or normal lack of religion. Some of you will go in for the New Age or one of the Pagan offshoots of Discordianism. Some of you will move into the seriousness of political/lifestyle/social anarchism-anti-authoritarianism, or whatever they call it nowadays. Some of you will continue developing your Discordianism and probably lead very happy lives as a result. And regardless of all that, all of you will remain enthralled to the sexy voice of Chaos. Possibly.
Many of you may forget Eris. Don't worry. She won't forget you.
Discordianism has had some interesting developments recently. Like the fact that most of the new Discordians from the internet fueled explosion have in fact imagined themselves smarter now, and have gone on to other things. Hah! As if...Wait till Eris pulls the rug out from underneath them. It will be funny. But at least they are mostly gone or are going. Now we diehard silly Eris lovers don't have to waste time getting into stupidly serious arguments about what real Discordianism is. It seems that the more creative Discordians have stuck around, and this is good because we like entertainment. It is also good for the 'movement' as it gets developed beyond whatever its 'founders' ever imagined. (Did I mention chili-dogs?) Instead of imitating the tripping hippies and such who claim to have founded modern Discordianism, let’s do our own Damned Thing.
There probably is no point to this except for the fact that I used the flashy name "Discord" as the title and that hooked you in. You thought you were probably getting some special revelation of rant that would entertain you and instead you got a bunch of words which seem to have repeated everything you wanted to hear. But what you don't really understand, is that these words have been structured in a way that will cause your mind to explode within about three days. There is nothing you can do once you have read this sentence. Just sit back and enjoy it. Or not. Worrying won't make it any better.
Anyway...
My fellow Discordians, and somethings, ours is not a proselytizing religion. It is a mindfucking religion. Why? Because it is entertaining, for one. There are other reasons too that are related to freedom and crap like that, but we'll leave that one alone for now. You can sit there all by yourself and be a happy Discordian without saying another word to anyone else. But why do that when you can mindfuck others? You can skim the surfaces of Eris by lurking around the internet to read the various pages posted by Her crazies. But that is boring compared with the colorful world of the living, breathing, laughing, drinking, cabals- Eris's special crack teams of Guerrilla Mind Theatre. Or engaging in solitary mindfucking operations on the streets of any major metropolis. Unless, of course the internet meander is entertaining in itself…or as a sort of bulletin board for the crazies who wish to correspond with other crazies.
All culture, religion, and science is part of Eris's special Principia and hopefully you have read some of it. At least pretend that you did. Pretending goes a longer way than most would give credit for, look at politics for instance. All research will support one’s theory. The best way is to hold conflicting and contradictory theories simultaneously. Or at least admit that you do. Or maybe the best way is something else. (Like pop-tarts and cigars, for instance.) Eris only knows that there are many best ways, even as She convinces you that the one She tells you of is the best.
Nevermind all that. In fact, forget you even read this. Kallisti! (or KAH-lee-stee, for you Chaotes with your weird spelling issues.)
(Pungenday, Season of Confusion 27th, 3170)
