Portland

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, there are old tunnels there from the mining days, and feral homeless people and worse live in them.  Nobody is sure how many of these savages are down there, but let's just say that mothers keep their children far from the storm drains.  Sometimes sinkholes open up, and normal folks like you and I are buried alive or, worse, dragged screaming off to their dooms by the filthy clutches of above-mentioned killer hobos.  

The sole exception is The Pipe, which the homeless shun, as the Old Man lives down there, just sitting in his lawn chair.  Nobody is sure why he scares the shit out of the savage folks, only that he does.

Little pipes run through the whole system, sometimes terminating for unexplained reasons in peoples' homes.  The reason for this is unknown, but can't be wholesome.

This pleases me exceedingly much.

I should continue telling the horrible truth about that burg.

Yes, please!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah you should, now I really want to check it out.

By the way, what are the concealed carry laws over there?

Also, is bear mace legal?

Fuck me, there's a whole internet forum on that. 

hxxp://oregonconcealedcarry.com/

My friend Z has showed me some seriously lulzy threads from that forum.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

There's a gray industrial building at 10th Avenue and SE Washington.  They use the white vans to move the big bugs around, so nobody knows what the hell they're up to.  The funny thing is that they think of themselves as THE conspiracy in Portland, instead of just one among many...and a very minor one at that.  Anyway, between the 4th and 5th white rolling door is a little plastic shack, the kind you get at Home Depot for your garden.  One day, the police will get a look inside that and the papers will never shut the fuck up.  They will think of it as THE conspiracy in Portland, instead of just the one they've found, and not realize that it is pretty small potatoes, no matter how grotesque it might be.

Just another day in Portland.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

There's a gray industrial building at 10th Avenue and SE Washington.  They use the white vans to move the big bugs around, so nobody knows what the hell they're up to.  The funny thing is that they think of themselves as THE conspiracy in Portland, instead of just one among many...and a very minor one at that.  Anyway, between the 4th and 5th white rolling door is a little plastic shack, the kind you get at Home Depot for your garden.  One day, the police will get a look inside that and the papers will never shut the fuck up.  They will think of it as THE conspiracy in Portland, instead of just the one they've found, and not realize that it is pretty small potatoes, no matter how grotesque it might be.

Just another day in Portland.

[Haeresis Zarathustra]

Portland's unofficial motto is "Keep Portland Weird".

Way to rip off Louisville, Western asscunts.

All I know about Portland is that some moron I knew in highschool once tried to convince me to go to some wacky college there, with the justification that Portland had "Like, the best new grunge scene in the world!" Not being any sort of grunge fan, I forgot about it and stayed in Louisville.

However, if this means Portland is the western version of Louisville, I may have to go thee on my next road trip.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Way to rip off Louisville, Western asscunts.

No sweat, hayseed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Portland's unofficial motto is "Keep Portland Weird".

Way to rip off Louisville, Western asscunts.

All I know about Portland is that some moron I knew in highschool once tried to convince me to go to some wacky college there, with the justification that Portland had "Like, the best new grunge scene in the world!" Not being any sort of grunge fan, I forgot about it and stayed in Louisville.

However, if this means Portland is the western version of Louisville, I may have to go thee on my next road trip.

Um.

Loisville adopted that slogan DECADES after Portland. When they adopted it, there were tons of people calling Louisville "the next Portland".  Now there are several "Keep (your city) weird movements... it's basically a buy local campaign. And they all copied Portland.

FWIW, I've been to Louisville and really liked it. It's more of a shithole than Portland is, and I mean that in the most loving way possible.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Portland's unofficial motto is "Keep Portland Weird".

Way to rip off Louisville, Western asscunts.

All I know about Portland is that some moron I knew in highschool once tried to convince me to go to some wacky college there, with the justification that Portland had "Like, the best new grunge scene in the world!" Not being any sort of grunge fan, I forgot about it and stayed in Louisville.

However, if this means Portland is the western version of Louisville, I may have to go thee on my next road trip.

Um.

Loisville adopted that slogan DECADES after Portland. When they adopted it, there were tons of people calling Louisville "the next Portland".  Now there are several "Keep (your city) weird movements... it's basically a buy local campaign. And they all copied Portland.

FWIW, I've been to Louisville and really liked it. It's more of a shithole than Portland is, and I mean that in the most loving way possible.

It's Portland, if Portland was:

1.  Always under construction.
2.  Completely devoid of highway markings (find Rt 44 yourselves, outsiders).
3.  Responsible for the rapper Nelly.
4.  Full of horrible ghettos of every description.
5.  Spent a shitpile of money on an arch.  WTF is that shit?  Who goes anywhere to look at an arch?

Oh, wait.  That's St Louis.  Close enough.

TGRR,
Knows they're both full of ticks.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The only thing that sucked was how hard it was to find a strip club, and the one we eventually did find was TERRIBLE, and not in a good way.

[Haeresis Zarathustra]

Um.

Loisville adopted that slogan DECADES after Portland. When they adopted it, there were tons of people calling Louisville "the next Portland".  Now there are several "Keep (your city) weird movements... it's basically a buy local campaign. And they all copied Portland.

FWIW, I've been to Louisville and really liked it. It's more of a shithole than Portland is, and I mean that in the most loving way possible.

Yeah, well, everyone says Kentucky is stuck in the past, so by our moonshine-fueled reckoning, we still did it first afterwards.    

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The only thing that sucked was how hard it was to find a strip club, and the one we eventually did find was TERRIBLE, and not in a good way.

I challenge anyone to show me a real difference between Louisville and Memphis.

[Haeresis Zarathustra]

1.  Always under construction.
2.  Completely devoid of highway markings (find Rt 44 yourselves, outsiders).
3.  Responsible for the rapper Nelly.
4.  Full of horrible ghettos of every description.
5.  Spent a shitpile of money on an arch.  WTF is that shit?  Who goes anywhere to look at an arch?

Oh, wait.  That's St Louis.  Close enough.

TGRR,
Knows they're both full of ticks.

1, 2, and 4 are right enough.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

WAIT.

Memphis has Graceland.

[East Coast Hustle]

allow me to be the dissenting opinion ITT:

Fuck Portland.

fucking hipster ecofascist asstards who don't know how to drive but insist on doing it at 10mph below the speed limit everywhere.

this is not a big city. It's barely a medium-sized city. And everyone here is not only very nice, they're so fucking nice that it's creepy and disconcerting. They're also, for the most part, completely not genuine about anything.

Of course, they're also, for the most part, not actually FROM Portland. The handful of actual natives, if you can find them, are good people, though they're a bit suspect for allowing their city to be overrun like it has been without any sort of violent retribution whatsoever.

positives:

climate is less horrible than most of the PNW due to being in the Willamette Valley

cost of living is very reasonable, housing is cheap. Of course, there are no jobs AT ALL, but if you're independently wealthy you can make your loot go a long way

There is an awesome real city less than 3 hours away.

the hipsters don't fight back when you kick them in the shins.

[Suu]

allow me to be the dissenting opinion ITT:

Fuck Portland.

fucking hipster ecofascist asstards who don't know how to drive but insist on doing it at 10mph below the speed limit everywhere.

this is not a big city. It's barely a medium-sized city. And everyone here is not only very nice, they're so fucking nice that it's creepy and disconcerting. They're also, for the most part, completely not genuine about anything.

Of course, they're also, for the most part, not actually FROM Portland. The handful of actual natives, if you can find them, are good people, though they're a bit suspect for allowing their city to be overrun like it has been without any sort of violent retribution whatsoever.

positives:

climate is less horrible than most of the PNW due to being in the Willamette Valley

cost of living is very reasonable, housing is cheap. Of course, there are no jobs AT ALL, but if you're independently wealthy you can make your loot go a long way

There is an awesome real city less than 3 hours away.

the hipsters don't fight back when you kick them in the shins.

I'd love to hear what you have to say about Providence. Really.