I aint a poet...

[Halfbaked1]

But i wrote some drivel that I thought i would share.  Kinda Emo, but meh, its kinda where I was...still am.

I Never Showed You.

Living years in quiet pain, never knowing why I care.
This world, I hate, and fear for its indifference to itself
I can't look in your eyes for trying to look strong.

You think you know me when you see my face,
when you hear my voice you think you hear what I say.
My spirit broke, and no one knew, looked for concern, no trace.
I want to be you, I want to fit in, but bliss was the price i had to pay.

I gave the world my ignorance, I saw into its soul,
I chose this path, thought I was in control.
Now I know much, but the quests go on,
even though now, the joy and thrill are gone.

Is there someone listening? Does it matter if they are?
Is there really any point? Can you tell me now?
Whether I wasted my life, wishing on some star?
I don't know if I care anymore, my mind has started to blur.
Some form of madness has come, and made my decisions unsure.

I beg and plead with my words and my art,
seeking some sign that you can see into my heart.
But I close up, and you cannot see.
How can you? I never showed you the pain in me.

[the dreadful hours]

deep, dark, swell

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I don't want to be a terrible person.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

But I have to.

Please read more poetry before you write any more. That was abysmal. It was a crime against any poetic aesthetic. Become familiar with the concepts of "telling", and become familiar with the concept of "forced rhyme".

Then, stop doing them.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And for fuck's sake, if you're not a poet, don't fucking foist your wretched mockery of poetry on others.

[Pariah]

Whoa! Flashbacks to everypoet.org

[Halfbaked1]

And for fuck's sake, if you're not a poet, don't fucking foist your wretched mockery of poetry on others.

Thank you, I needed the feedback, and I knew this was the most honest place to get it. 

I actually have written some good stuff, at least so I have been told by people who are not related to me and don't owe me money, and this got some as well, but I just wrote it to get something off my chest so I thought it was dreck.  The positive feedback was not logical to how I felt about it so I needed to get the skinny.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Well, I think you are forcing it a bit, some of the words feel clumsy... Don't be afraid to have a thesaurus on hand and try different synonyms to see what 'fits' best. Also, be careful with rhyme... either do it or don't do it... and if you do it, be somewhat consistent.

Right now your rhyme scheme is like this "ABC DEDE FFGG HIHJJ KKLL", there are tons of different ways to lay out rhymes... but they need to have some kind of consistency. It doesn't have to be Iambic Pentameter, or ABAB CDCD, but if you use rhymes, they give the reader something to follow so they can read it as you meant it to be read.

If the rhymes are unintentional, then just find a way to get rid of them.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sorry if I was a bit harsh.

There are a lot of people who will say nice things about any poem just because poetry is from the "heart and soul". I really think there is a happy medium between blowing smoke up someone's ass and being like the horrible, banhappy pricks at everypoet.

But seriously, the first step to writing decent poetry is reading decent poetry, and reading about writing poetry, and then writing and refining. If you think something you wrote is crap, it probably is.

A good forum for getting honest, skilled feedback is http://www.poets.org/forum/. A great website for being amused as fuck and learning what some skilled poets consider terrible poetry is http://www.verybadpoetry.com/

Writing bad poetry on purpose can help you learn to write good poetry. If you like to write poetry and want to get good at it, then contrary to what the douchebags at everypoet had to say, you should write a LOT of poetry. All the time. Turn snippets of conversation and bad advertising into poetry in your head. Find poets you like and read their work. Read Bird By Bird (Annie Lamott), In The Palm Of Your Hand (Steve Kowit), and Making Your Own Days (Kenneth Koch). Read song lyrics and consider how, in most cases (practically everyone who is not Leonard Cohen), they differ from poetry, and why they work as songs and not as poetry.

Have fun, & happy writing.

[Reginald Ret]

Right now your rhyme scheme is like this "ABC DEDE FFGG HIHJJ KKLL",

I read that as: ABC DEEDEE!!!(think dexter's laboratory) ForFuck'sGayness,God! HiHigh! KKKILLLLLLL!!

[Pariah]

But seriously, the first step to writing decent poetry is reading decent poetry, and reading about writing poetry, and then writing and refining. If you think something you wrote is crap, it probably is.

This.
Also Prose > Poetry. DO NOT DISPUTE ME!

[President Television]

A great website for being amused as fuck and learning what some skilled poets consider terrible poetry is http://www.verybadpoetry.com/

Signing up for this. I've been trying to write songs for quite a while, but I'm never happy with what I write. My pseudonym there is Elroy Burkin, in case anyone wants to know.

[Halfbaked1]

I used to read Longfellow, keats, Frost and Kipling alot.  They were my introduction to poetry, and my older material is rather derivative of their work I think.  heh, if I could find any of it then I could get your opinion, but that stuff is long gone after 2 decades.  I would like to write poetry worth a darn, I don't feel like I write enough at all anymore, since I used to write short stories and the like all the time.  I really don't feel like any of you were harsh, I appreciate the unadulterated honesty.  Nothing you said was that much worse than critics used to say about some plays that I worked with, my skin is pretty thick to that.

i believe I will start creating more poetry from day to day things and see if it gets any better...shyeah, maybe after 10 or 20 years.

[President Television]

i believe I will start creating more poetry from day to day

Sorry, couldn't resist.

[Pariah]

IF you're going to read any poet make it Eliot or Bukowski