Weirdos: Gotta Catch 'Em All! (jacked from "Today I learned" thread)

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Very nice Cainad!

I feel self-conscious when I talk about this stuff because of the us vs. them dichotomy, but at the same time I have realized that it's healthy for me to recognize it because I need to protect myself from getting emotionally engaged with someone who will inevitably, ultimately, tire of me.

Yes. I HATE having the "us vs. them" idea, because I really don't think it's that clear cut or simple. However, it's true that you can find people who share your "weirdness," people who are entertained by your "weirdness," and people who are entertained by your "weirdness" and therefore want to share it. The first and the last are gravy. It's the ones in the middle that you have to watch out for.

I am not holding freakishness up as a higher state of being, because it often comes with drawbacks, sometimes major ones. Being high-strung or struggling or just plain crazy are not really things to idealize, and frankly, being weird in ways that permeate your life is not usually something that makes you feel good all the time. It's hard on you, and hard on your loved ones. And you get down on yourself, especially after the hundredth time you really liked someone and thought you had a connection with them and then they tire of your amusing antics and find someone else to spend time with.

But now is probably a good time to stop being down about it, and look around in the world at the other freaks, and realize that we're totally fucking okay, and not collectible novelties. We're not cute. We're not funny. We're just regular people who don't quite fit in with the other regular people.

Drawbacks are part of what keep weirdness a novelty item, though. If there weren't drawbacks, everyone would be weird. But the worst part is, the drawbacks become almost fetishized--like the idea that you can't be a really talented writer or artist or musician or whatever if you aren't depressed and tortured. So people will foster problems in the idea that they'll become weird, and they'll fetishize these drawbacks in others. Until they realize there's reality to it, and the drawbacks aren't just another novelty.

Did that make sense? But anyways, I LOVE the "we're just regular people who don't quite fit in with the other regular people." That's great.

From an abstract concept of "what is normal" there are two main positions/stances:

Group A believes "what is normal" exists, and actively tries to be it.

Group B does not believe "what is normal" exists, and thus doesnt try to be it.

I love that way of looking at it.

What D-Cup said!

This is not about "Normals" or "Cabbages" or "Grayface". This is about being treated like a novelty act, a freak, rather than someone to really connect with and understand as a human being, and recognizing when that's happening and walking away from it, and embracing that you're OK even when it happens rather than feeling bad about it.

[Brotep]

Exactly.

Unfortunately, wishful thinking makes it a lot harder to tell when people consider you a novelty.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

this fread is  

[The Johnny]

Im sure this was stated in a similar fashion somewhere else and perhaps several times but id like to give it a small spin:

Normal is a mask that people like to wear, so that they dont become the tallest stem of grass (which is always the first one to be cut, metaphorically speaking).

Id like to think most of us can see thru the masks and therefore know its just a facade and not the actual person. Some people use this facade for its benefits, while others think its the ideal that they should become.

I.E. wearing a suit, clean-trim hair and a stoic expression, compared with long multicolored hair, piercings, makeup while laughing maniacally.

[Dimocritus]

This entire thread is 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Im sure this was stated in a similar fashion somewhere else and perhaps several times but id like to give it a small spin:

Normal is a mask that people like to wear, so that they dont become the tallest stem of grass (which is always the first one to be cut, metaphorically speaking).

Id like to think most of us can see thru the masks and therefore know its just a facade and not the actual person. Some people use this facade for its benefits, while others think its the ideal that they should become.

I.E. wearing a suit, clean-trim hair and a stoic expression, compared with long multicolored hair, piercings, makeup while laughing maniacally.

It's really not about what you wear or your style choices. I LOOK like a completely nice normal 30-something mom. Even with the nose ring, which most people don't notice at first (It's gold, people are oddly trained to disregard gold). It's about who you are when your guard is let down, in interpersonal relationships. When people see you as a fun novelty act, they are probably expecting you to drop that act when you're at home relaxing, and if you continue to be what they consider "eccentric" after that point, then, after a few months when they realize you're not doing it to entertain them, they'll find it difficult to be around. Kind of like how I find it difficult to be around someone who comes home and sits their ass in front of a TV with a bowl of Cheetos. We all pretty much just want to spend our downtime with people who are enough like us that they don't tax us. The more out of sync with society you are internally, the harder it will be to find someone like that, although often people who are more in sync will find your out-of-syncness is appealing. For a while.

[P3nT4gR4m]

They gather round me like moths around a flame. Just like the moths they know if they get too close or if they stay too long they'll burn up but something deep inside compels them to stick around. For as long as they can handle the heat.

They call me crazy but it's not the kind of crazy where they elbow their friend and tell them not to look at the guy with his trousers round his ankles, pissing in the middle of a crowded street and screaming his head off. It's not that kind of crazy. Same ballpark, different rules.

This is the kind of crazy that they love to be around but they prefer to do it in groups. In case something bad happens. The kind of thing I have no fear of, for instance but it terrifies the living shit out of them. They don't want to be alone with me when I do the kind of insane shit that they need the safety of numbers to protect them from but they want to see it.

So I serve the function and attend the drinking session or the party or whatever the hell they figured would be more fun with the crazy guy there and I dunno if it's more fun cos I just do what I do and shit happens and we go for a swim and they suddenly find themselves out of their depth.

I do it cos I love to see the looks on their faces when they realise they can't reach the bottom anymore. 

[.]

In all honesty, I have no idea what text-book "normal" is. I always thought just to act myself. I was "normal" to my parents, and they were "normal" to me. But once I started school I realized that not everyone acts the same way that my family did. The perspective changed a whole hell of a lot once I started observing others. Its really something that goes along with perspective. What your definition of "normal" is. I don't fit in with alot of the people in this city. But the people I do fit in with accept me for what I am and what I stand for etc. And if they really don't like it then just let it go. I don't try to act different or normal. I just act myself. That's so much more easier than trying to be something I'm not.

On the same subject though, I DO NOT keep people around me that only like me for the novelty. Just because I may be a little different than what they are used to I refuse to tolerate anyone using me just as a way to get out of their monotonous lives. This doesn't mean that I kick everyone to the curb that enjoys my presence. If I did that then I would not have any friends. Its just that after a while you learn the earmarks of a real friend and someone that just wants you around to liven their life up for a short time.

Some people just can't appreciate other people's ability to act themselves. Hell, they think its taboo and kreee-aaazy to act like your own person. God forbid you think for yourself.

[Epimetheus]

We're just regular people who don't quite fit in with the other regular people.

I really like this.

And thumbs up to the thread in general.

[Nast]

My weirdness is a weird weirdness. I am not the type that associates with the perverts, the fetishists, the psychedelic flower children, or your run-of-the-mill freaks. No, mine is far quieter than any of those. It's just that somehow, I feel as though I don't much fit.

It was abundantly obvious to me that I was different from the rest at a young age, in various ways. While all the other kids liked going to youth group or sniffing gasoline I liked flowers. While other kids were at afterschool practice, I was reading about classical Japanese literature. And being the only gay kid at Christian school didn't bolster my feelings of belonging. I was well like by my peers, yet somehow distanced from them. People regarded me as something unique but inaccessible, someone fun to have but no fun to have as a friend. As I grew a bit older I became disappointed in people who didn't understand the delight in uncommon things, who are of course so many in this mediocre world. I became shy, knowing that no one would understand if I would share myself with them, even find it repulsive. Even today I find myself over analyzing what I say and do, afraid that if someone were to find out what I were really like, they would no longer like me.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The irony about that, Nasturtiums, is that it's when you do drop those filters and be the real you, people like you more. Sometimes even people who really like you for you, and not just as a novelty.

[.]

The irony about that, Nasturtiums, is that it's when you do drop those filters and be the real you, people like you more. Sometimes even people who really like you for you, and not just as a novelty.

This is so true. The more you try to act the way you think people want you to act the less respect they have for you. If you just act yourself people tend to have a bit more respect for you.

[NotPublished]

Nasturtiums, I can relate to you. As Nigel has said - when you DO drop those filters and be the raw unprocessed you, people just somewhat begin to open to you more and you become more recieved.

As you have mentioned that your main concern is not being well recieved anymore, do you feel like your putting up a front for the benefit of it for others? That people wouldn't like you for being you? It is harder when you feel like you don't belong. But, here you are sharing yourself Nasturtiums, and here people are being given a glimpse into a part of you and I am certain there is an understanding. I know for certain I can see it.

[Salty]

The irony about that, Nasturtiums, is that it's when you do drop those filters and be the real you, people like you more. Sometimes even people who really like you for you, and not just as a novelty.

I have found this to be true, mostly in my career.
I get repeat clients.

[Nast]

The irony about that, Nasturtiums, is that it's when you do drop those filters and be the real you, people like you more. Sometimes even people who really like you for you, and not just as a novelty.

It's true, it really is something I have to work on. I'm beginning to tire of closing up like some sort of socially reticent bivalve around people when I feel I'm not fun enough, interesting enough, or conventional enough for.

Nasturtiums, I can relate to you. As Nigel has said - when you DO drop those filters and be the raw unprocessed you, people just somewhat begin to open to you more and you become more recieved.

As you have mentioned that your main concern is not being well recieved anymore, do you feel like your putting up a front for the benefit of it for others? That people wouldn't like you for being you? It is harder when you feel like you don't belong. But, here you are sharing yourself Nasturtiums, and here people are being given a glimpse into a part of you and I am certain there is an understanding. I know for certain I can see it.

Well, one of the reasons I like these forums is because I do feel comfortable amongst you spags. I can be my faggy-ass self and not have to worry about rolling eyes or weird stares, or offending someone's delicate sensibilities. I feel a sense of contentment knowing that I am amongst fellow weirdos.