Principia Discordia > Bring and Brag
A New Art, In and of Itself: The Horrible Review
The Good Reverend Roger:
Okay, bit of backstory. This smug bastard (and a really fucked up specimen, for reasons that I will not go into here) that works with Evil Roomie gives her a copy of his book, which she valiantly attempts to read. Eventually, she gives up trying and lets me see it.
It's AMAZING. It's the WORST THING EVER WRITTEN IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. There is a 10+ page excerpt, and I heartily encourage those with a sick sense of humor and no olfactory sense to try it.
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/delgotha-book-i-the-kings-of-war/4819573?productTrackingContext=center_search_results
Anyway, Nivek and I decided to review this book (login requires and email entry, but no confirm).
Here's mine:
--- Quote ---I gave this book one star, because there are no negative values available.
The characters have unnecessarily complicated names that seem like the author hired epileptics and had them seize up at the keyboard, the dialog reads like it was written by terminal syphilis patients, and in general the whole book makes me want to dig up William Shakespeare and shit in his decomposed chest.
Seriously, this book is completely unreadable, and whatever plot line it has is lost amid the truly awful writing. I borrowed this book from a friend, and I still got robbed. I want my precious time back, alongside the brain cells that could have been more usefully slain with drugs.
This book ruined my life. As a life-long bibliophile, I am ruined on reading forever. This book killed James Brown and Johnny Cash, because they were too cool to exist in the same universe as this incredible pile of drek.
What kind of mental defect writes this sort of rubbish? Was he born wrong? This sort of absolute shit can only be explained by fetal alcohol syndrome or smashed chromosomes due to being born too close to the power plant.
If the author has other irons in the fire, I can only suggest that he remove the irons and insert his work. Do not give up your day job, even if you are stuck in a dead-end career as a 3rd assistant jizz-mopper.
The book has a blurb on the back by a gentleman by the name of Don Skiles, who is apparently a published author of some sort, which makes me wonder why he would pimp his good name out on the back of such an insult to the English language and all authors everywhere. Mr Skiles must have been drugged or paid in the souls of orphan children.
In closing, I can only compare this book to the first 15 minutes of the movie "Malos, Hands of Doom", and it makes me wish that I had been born without eyes, because so far as I have seen, there is no braille version of this incredible piece of offal.
Okay for now,
Dr Hamish Howl
--- End quote ---
And here's Nivek's:
--- Quote ---I am insulted by this book's existence. Twenty syllable names cannot cover up bad writing. To say the dialogue is wooden is an insult to trees everywhere as is the paper wasted on this book. It's written like an adolescent RPG...
I would like to explain to the author that a blow-by-blow account of his Dungeons and Dragons game does not make good fiction.
I would agree with Dr. Howl, this book has ruined my life. I would use the pages to line the bottom of my cat box, but I'm afraid that it would make my already imbecilic cats dumber and render them sterile and blind for the rest of their lives.
This book is the literary equivalent of French experimental music.
To sum it up, this book made Sarah Palin's autobiography look like it was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, who was arguably the best writer in the last 100 years. This book is a disservice to his memory and the memory of writers everywhere.
For God's sake, stop.
--- End quote ---
I encourage you all to try the sample, and when you stop howling with laughterbarf, post your review. Keep in mind that not only is this guy a terrible writer, he's a terrible person.
I, personally, plan to find other horrible books to review.
.:
Mwahahaha! That will get his panties in a twist.
Cainad (dec.):
:spit: War Unicorns! :lulz:
I feel slightly bad ragging on some bloke's effort at writing, but dayum...
Payne:
--- Quote ---I shall NOT be buying this on the basis of the preview.
I was excited to see some fantasy fiction with dragons in it, because I have not seen it before, but this one was not good.
My English is not perfect, because I am not from Britain to begin with, but even I could see the mistakes being made. That was just the spelling and grammar.
Then the story was bad too. The description was dull, and it seems it was honest that way - not a writers preference for describing a dull scene. For the first five pages?! Bad move author man! And so I stopped reading.
Even though I wanted to see the spells the start of the book spoke about, I could not dig deep enough. (I have a thought now, perhaps he means 'spell' as in challenge of writing in English like a big boy, and not Mhadjiquekal Spell? If this is it, maybe he should go visit his 'Gramma' too)
I read instead the ingredients of the shampoo bottle. As many syllables and excitement, made much the same sense AND also makes my hair wondrous with no spell (or gramma)!
In the old country a man would be chased through the street by lepers and beaten by their sandals with disconnected feet still inside for being cheeky enough to charge money for this. Or made to fight in the army for having too much time with nothing better to do.
--- End quote ---
I do not see the other reviews, or it seems anyone else can see mine.
But here it is anyway.
.:
--- Quote from: Payne on January 23, 2010, 03:56:13 pm ---
--- Quote ---I shall NOT be buying this on the basis of the preview.
I was excited to see some fantasy fiction with dragons in it, because I have not seen it before, but this one was not good.
My English is not perfect, because I am not from Britain to begin with, but even I could see the mistakes being made. That was just the spelling and grammar.
Then the story was bad too. The description was dull, and it seems it was honest that way - not a writers preference for describing a dull scene. For the first five pages?! Bad move author man! And so I stopped reading.
Even though I wanted to see the spells the start of the book spoke about, I could not dig deep enough. (I have a thought now, perhaps he means 'spell' as in challenge of writing in English like a big boy, and not Mhadjiquekal Spell? If this is it, maybe he should go visit his 'Gramma' too)
I read instead the ingredients of the shampoo bottle. As many syllables and excitement, made much the same sense AND also makes my hair wondrous with no spell (or gramma)!
In the old country a man would be chased through the street by lepers and beaten by their sandals with disconnected feet still inside for being cheeky enough to charge money for this. Or made to fight in the army for having too much time with nothing better to do.
--- End quote ---
I do not see the other reviews, or it seems anyone else can see mine.
But here it is anyway.
--- End quote ---
:lulz:
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